deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Witch Patch Ch 9
Freebies and consequences
I wake to the sound of my SpongeBob SquarePants alarm clock buzzing off the hook. I open one eye and look at the clock. It’s now 4:30 somethin am. My SpongeBob clock was a birthday gift from Velvet last year as sort of a gag gift. It’s a smart clock and has three types of annoying ring tones. Each one is preset to go off consecutively every single morning to make sure I get up and out of bed and keep moving.
I sit up and grab my universal remote from the nightstand and click the snooze button. It’s a one time only option, until I actually “HAVE” to get out of bed. I click the remote again and the bedroom drapes open exposing the sky in full view. It’s still dark outside.
“Ugh” I drank way too much brandy last night I thought. I feel like crap. I stretch out across my bed an yawn then look at the clock again. it’s still 4:30 somthin an pass out. The next thing I know I’m waking up to tugboats in what can only be described as loud a clown like horn honking nonstop!
And then the chugging starts! Honking & chugging, and honking & chugging repetitively growing louder with each round. I let out a long sigh of exasperation because I know, Inteuly know- there is no escape. Unless of course I kill the“clock” or actually get out of my bed.
What’s both funny and truly messed up about this smart clock is, it can only be reset by facial recognition and voice command at the same time! So, I have no choice but to get up out of bed and walk over to the clock and stare at it with utter contempt and of all things, yell
“Stand -down SpongeBob”😑 Preprogrammed of course by Velvet. Well, the clock refused to comply- I flip out and yell at it again “shut-to-the-up! you crazy clock! —Ha! dump luck went my way, it worked! “SpongeBob has left the building for the day!”
I really have to remember to burn that crazy clock!
Once up I slip on my robe and crawl into my slippers and of course they went on the wrong feet. I drag my tired ass into the bathroom which is about 12 feet away. I click the bathroom light on and look into the mirror. I then run my middle finger sideway across my front teeth back n forth then pause to look for any buildup or cavities. Nope, nada, my teeth look great and
give myself two thumbs up 👍🏻 a smile, an a wink.
I turn on the faucet and take a drink of water.
No cup needed, I just used the palm of my right hand as one, and leaned in an took a couple of sips and then spit it out into the sink.
I had decided last night I was ready to try my brand new toothpaste I got from last years Witches Council fall fling festival. They were giving out FREE limited samples. It was a twoofer actually, It came with a witchy broom handle toothbrush and bacon flavored toothpaste. Excited I set them both down on top of the bathroom sink in preparation for tomorrow morning.
Well, tomorrow is now today, and I squirt some toothpaste onto my witchy-broom handle toothbrush and begin brushing my teeth.
“Whoa!” “Gross!” Wt?! I look at the toothpaste and relize what I did and almost puked! Apparently I grabbed the antibiotic ointment instead of the toothpaste.
I give myself a dirty look in the mirror and growl at myself for being so cheap. Now, with a mouth full of antibiotic ointment I fetch Belatrix, my trusted and beloved wand from off of my vanity table and wave it one time to invoke a quick spell to clean out my mouth. Once done I rebrushed my teeth and decided I don’t much care for this bacon flavored toothpaste and chuck it into the watse basket as I make my way outta of my bathroom. “Hurray!” It’s coffee-time! and head downstairs to the kitchen.
To be continued …
Published 7th Oct 2022
| Edited 14th May 2024
Author's Note
Copyright © 2022 M. Doucette
All rights Reserved.
All rights Reserved.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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7th Oct 2022 8:48pm
There is a great honesty here. Coffee is essential for writing at times.
10th Oct 2022 2:47am
You got that right even a little brandy too!
Thanks for looking James and leaving a comment I really appreciate it.
Your friend Jackie 🤗♥️
Thanks for looking James and leaving a comment I really appreciate it.
Your friend Jackie 🤗♥️
10th Oct 2022 00:30am
10th Oct 2022 2:48am
Meh I hear it taste disgusting 🤮
Thanks for looking Leo and leaving a comment I love you brother
Always
Jackie 🤗♥️😘
Thanks for looking Leo and leaving a comment I love you brother
Always
Jackie 🤗♥️😘
10th Oct 2022 4:32am
Dear J,
If only I had a magic wand to take care of the morning and evening tasks of grooming! What a time saver. I enjoyed the reality of backward slippers, hangover headaches and antibiotic mishaps. H🌷
If only I had a magic wand to take care of the morning and evening tasks of grooming! What a time saver. I enjoyed the reality of backward slippers, hangover headaches and antibiotic mishaps. H🌷
19th May 2023 3:49pm
13th Oct 2022 8:40pm
Everything free is not good, we learned once that a free high is the worst high you'll ever have. Tight
19th May 2023 3:50pm
Just saw this awesome comment . Thank you for your continued support in my writing. MeMe ♥️
Jackie xo
Jackie xo
18th May 2023 11:26pm
Good use of humor. Breaks up the serious overtones that are present in the core plot .
Excellent.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
Excellent.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
19th May 2023 3:51pm
Glad you’re enjoying this story. And yeah i thought a little humor was in order Kitty♥️
Thanks for following along I appreciate you♥️
Jackie xoxo
Thanks for following along I appreciate you♥️
Jackie xoxo
