deepundergroundpoetry.com
Artifical Love
the love we exchange
could never balance
your love appears artificial
compared to mine
a quart of sweetener
an ounce of sugar cane
your love tastes artificial
but it dances on my tongue
pepto-bismol beverage disposes of my heart aches
that fall to my stomach
your love is artificial
but that'll never get through my skull
i'll eat your love
and rummage for more
it's all that i could adore
could never balance
your love appears artificial
compared to mine
a quart of sweetener
an ounce of sugar cane
your love tastes artificial
but it dances on my tongue
pepto-bismol beverage disposes of my heart aches
that fall to my stomach
your love is artificial
but that'll never get through my skull
i'll eat your love
and rummage for more
it's all that i could adore
Published 6th Sep 2022
| Edited 7th Sep 2022
Author's Note
shoutout to the man who gave the inspiration for this poem
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 9
reading list entries 0
comments 13
reads 387
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th Sep 2022 6:38pm
Dear C,
I couldn’t help but think how toxic the antagonist sounds in this write and the protagonist is better off without this unseemly agitation. Your formatting is terrific, makes the poem flow and storyline very readable. I’m sorry for the pain of it, that’s never fun. Your poem is relatable and excellent. H🌷
I couldn’t help but think how toxic the antagonist sounds in this write and the protagonist is better off without this unseemly agitation. Your formatting is terrific, makes the poem flow and storyline very readable. I’m sorry for the pain of it, that’s never fun. Your poem is relatable and excellent. H🌷
7th Sep 2022 11:42am
Thank you so much for your comment. It warms my heart that you like the poem. I can't wait to post more.
7th Sep 2022 1:59am
For some these encounters can be permanent for some temporary.
It's a risk both parties take upon meeting.
There's no telling what the outcome will be before embarking on this journey of two.
It's a risk both parties take upon meeting.
There's no telling what the outcome will be before embarking on this journey of two.
7th Sep 2022 11:49am
7th Sep 2022 9:46pm
Sounds like only half the package to me, as you elude to. You're waiting for the deeper emotional stuff. Very well written & expressed.
7th Sep 2022 9:59pm
Understood it perfectly. I'm glad I could get the message across well. I thank you sincerely for the comment.
9th Sep 2022 12:52pm
Yes, sometimes artificial love can be very addictive. Pleased to find your writing!
9th Sep 2022 1:28pm
15th Aug 2024 6:49pm
Great first entry! Sometimes the artificial just needs something real to change them! Don't give up! Kill them with kindness!
15th Aug 2024 6:53pm
16th Aug 2024 5:24am
15th Aug 2024 11:50pm
16th Aug 2024 2:23pm
