life hacks with a two year old

They only tell you useless things
when you're about to become a parent
like how little sleep you'll get
and how your sex life will disappear
as though you're not savvy enough
to realise babies take work

They tell you about the terrible twos
about tantrums and attitude
and how you'd happily give them back
on the bad days, if they weren't so damn cute

They don't tell you about the joys of potty training
and how in one week of trying
your two year old
will piss in everything from your shoes
to a duplo block
to the plastic bowl that held
strawberries only ten minutes ago

I leave the potty in the lounge room for pees
so we don't have to run to the bathroom
today he decided it would be fun
to pee on the couch