in between moments

Today starts like every other day
with a decaf coffee and general anxiety
I hate the butterflies fluttering under my skin
that tell me I’m alive in all the wrong ways

I miss waking up with a smile
without waiting for every moment to end
until I can sleep dreamless sleep
and wake up tomorrow with the spark
of hope that I won’t feel
like I’m living in groundhog day
with less suicide attempts
and piano mastery

I know this path I’ve chosen
is the harder one to walk
it’s uncomfortable to sit
in these spaces inhabited
by ghosts and memories
good and bad and empty and hopeful

I feel like I’m living in between life
far from who I was but
but not nearly close enough
to who I want to be

I dream without actions
I write to save myself
I scribble terrible art
when I find the time
and I dream so big
I could almost hide inside
the daydreams

Today starts like every other day
with a decaf coffee and general anxiety
and it will end with an antidepressant
and the hope tomorrow will be easier
and the fear that it won’t

Because I need more than
these in between moments

© Indie Adams 2022