Whisper me hope

Lovely as always Kasai, I keep looking to your third stanza and think it could use a bit of clip to bring the lines more urgency,

Could be a me thing,

Just thing changing the adverb, and restructuring around that would be better….

But what would I know?

Thankyou for your writing

Ah yes, that third stanza, it just doesn't flow as nicely as I would have liked, so thank you for the critique!
I very much appreciate the input, even if it's as simple as another point of view, we learn from it, we grow.
Thanks for the visit

As long as we’re offering suggestions I  would write, “I saw myself as someone else” and drop the last two lines as weakening the insight gained.

I’ll echo the other suggestion by saying, but what do I know.

Sometimes a fresh set of eyes is all it takes. That’s why we have editors.

I’d already added this to my reading list. Feel free to suggest edits to me. I have a bunch of poems hiding in word salads yearning to breathe free, as it were.

Thanks for the honesty,
a fresh set of eyes can be refreshing
and I appreciate it.
Gotta love that word salad, I'm glad I'm not the only one with a handful of greens, lol

Dear K,

This is a beautiful piece because of its introspection. For me, it’s the second stanza that has me smitten. I just love the image of cheap thumbtacks in a dingy room. The closing line is so prayerful, a simple plea for a peaceful mind. Lovely write. H🌷

Introspection for sure and after all those tacks have fallen, one of the most important things left is our inner peace, that little glimmer of hope

Thank you much kind lady

....and sun shine upon your face

Hope, we all need hope!

Yes, exactly. Reminds me of an Irish blessing I once read and can't quite remember....

All those little sparks of hope, those are what keep us going
Thank you, Tim

"May the long time sun guide you on your way"... I believe that's it

Hmm, I don't remember that one specifically, but I like it. There are so many out there and after some digging, (in my head and otherwise) I remember this one being on my very Irish grandfather's wall when I was young....

May the road rise to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
and the rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again,
may God always hold you
in the hollow of his hand

Thanks for sparking a nice little walk down memory lane

Yes, that is a traditional Irish blessing... I have many friends of Irish decent and have seen that hanging in their parents homes growing up.

Your pen stirs things within that I usually clamp down on, maybe to avoid being overwhelmed or perhaps I unconsciously try to keep my own control in check....I guess I'm trying to say that the entirety of this piece speaks so booming loud to me... I don't have a honed sense of proper from or a strong ability to critique, I do very much appreciate and covet (at times) the thoughts of those who are more versed/schooled there than I.  
I myself go by my gut instinct and how something makes me feel and experience, when I read it.  

The sweetest ache... laced with a tender, melancholic-esque glimpse of a past... leaves me haunted.  

It doesn't get much better than that, for me.  

🌹-💙  
B  

A most beautiful comment blue lady,
I can't tell you how appreciated it is to know the emotion that went into those lines can be felt by the reader.
Those stirrings.... that's where poetry lives. Embracing the emotion of it and spilling it onto the page is such an amazing thing, the vulnerability of it all, maybe it's what keeps us connected?

Thank you so much for the kind visit

such a wonderful write

Thanks so much!

The last time you were happy -  "Last time the sun rose I was someone else"

With the sun is in your face (happy or optimistic), your shadow casts behind you. A final wish to be happy. "May the shadow of my burdens be always cast behind me".

The mention of the thumbtacks, for me, paints a deary place. There is always hope if you face the sun, and for sure I would whisper you a note of encouragement. Be well Kasai. Huug to you.

Thank you for the visit,
I appreciate that and your comment.
Even in a dreary place,
the sun slips in through the cracks.
At least a little.

Am not interested in critiquing anything.  
It sings.  
I’m following you. Nuff said.

(He says before making an editing suggestion.)

Awesome, thanks Mr D

Hello K,
You write about the mountain and clouds but it looks like a canvas in your room and you relate it to yourself. Wow!

Love,

KS

Thank you!

This is a thing of great ethereal beauty!

Thanks so much,
appreciate the visit