deepundergroundpoetry.com
Staring Contest
looking into your eyes
is like looking into the sun
exciting
mysterious
a source of warmth
dangerous to do
for too long
why am i looking
into your eyes
do i want you to see me
or do i want to see you
why is it so hard to do
what am i trying to communicate to you
that i'm brave
i want to know you deeper
i think i can take you on
yes that's all true
then why is it so hard to do
maybe i fear
that if i stare too long
into your eyes
you will damage me
permanently
but
i don't want to stop
i like the warmth
and the danger
is like looking into the sun
exciting
mysterious
a source of warmth
dangerous to do
for too long
why am i looking
into your eyes
do i want you to see me
or do i want to see you
why is it so hard to do
what am i trying to communicate to you
that i'm brave
i want to know you deeper
i think i can take you on
yes that's all true
then why is it so hard to do
maybe i fear
that if i stare too long
into your eyes
you will damage me
permanently
but
i don't want to stop
i like the warmth
and the danger
Published 11th Jun 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 7
reading list entries 2
comments 7
reads 608
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
I didn't even know there was a #TrillSeeking theme!?!?... Well, this definitely qualified!
This IS vividness and pure honesty....and I couldn't get enough... You write with such openness and freedom, I felt a bit voyeuristic but in the best way..
Your pen really shines for me in this thrilling sort of confessional..
Thank you, p
🌹 - B
This IS vividness and pure honesty....and I couldn't get enough... You write with such openness and freedom, I felt a bit voyeuristic but in the best way..
Your pen really shines for me in this thrilling sort of confessional..
Thank you, p
🌹 - B
13th Jun 2022 4:53am
B, thrill seeking as a theme just felt right, even if I wasn't writing about skiing down Everest. Just making eye contact us hard for me at times, so staring into someone's eyes does feel very daring. Glad this came across as intended. You always get what I'm saying.
11th Jun 2022 12:18pm
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Jun 2022 4:54am
12th Jun 2022 7:16am
I probably suggest drops the penultimate line,
And end with
I like the danger
I think it fits the lust burning brazen need a little better
But that’s me
Tightly constructed write
Thankyou
And end with
I like the danger
I think it fits the lust burning brazen need a little better
But that’s me
Tightly constructed write
Thankyou
13th Jun 2022 4:49am
I appreciate the suggestion about the penultimate line. I considered it, but the warmth and the danger are equally important to me. I lthank you for making me think.
Anonymous
14th Jun 2022 1:37am
I get that, without the warmth the danger is just that.
Thank for the read and considering my opinion, that’s I’ll it is
Opinion, and you’re write is better the way you write it
Regards N
Thank for the read and considering my opinion, that’s I’ll it is
Opinion, and you’re write is better the way you write it
Regards N
19th Sep 2022 6:18pm
Looking into the windows to the soul to get answers; but also forcing you to confront your relationship insecurities.
Enjoyed the read.
Enjoyed the read.
