deepundergroundpoetry.com
Sleepless thoughts
Sleepless Thoughts: Alone when I’m “not alone”
Another night sleepless. No energy but my mind races. I’m restless. Like a C-150, my mind races to different places. Sometimes I wish I was mindless but instead I must find creative ways to fill my empty spaces.
There are three different versions of me, but I never feel complete. One is a confident and intelligent scholar. Still crawling to my goals but it feels like I’ll never be able to stand on my feet. My mixed martial arts side always makes me stand a bit taller, but the third side holds all my demons and right now he’s bringing the heat.
Caring for another more than yourself?
Only living your life to maintain another’s comfort level, while they’re always worried about somebody else?
Not ignoring you, yet still accepting your childish games?
Feeding my insecurities and dimming my spark?
Ignoring my pain sustained and sacrifices made to save someone else?
Denying me intimacy for no apparent reason?
Evenings along on the couch waiting to hear from you because you’re with your ex?
Not knowing if this is the day you finally decide to leave for good.
The time we should have given it (with full commitment)?
Are these the things that build a person up or are these the things that tear the person down? The latter is my guess, but my confidence is on life-support; so, what do I know, eight?
Another night sleepless. No energy but my mind races. I’m restless. Like a C-150, my mind races to different places. Sometimes I wish I was mindless but instead I must find creative ways to fill my empty spaces.
There are three different versions of me, but I never feel complete. One is a confident and intelligent scholar. Still crawling to my goals but it feels like I’ll never be able to stand on my feet. My mixed martial arts side always makes me stand a bit taller, but the third side holds all my demons and right now he’s bringing the heat.
Caring for another more than yourself?
Only living your life to maintain another’s comfort level, while they’re always worried about somebody else?
Not ignoring you, yet still accepting your childish games?
Feeding my insecurities and dimming my spark?
Ignoring my pain sustained and sacrifices made to save someone else?
Denying me intimacy for no apparent reason?
Evenings along on the couch waiting to hear from you because you’re with your ex?
Not knowing if this is the day you finally decide to leave for good.
The time we should have given it (with full commitment)?
Are these the things that build a person up or are these the things that tear the person down? The latter is my guess, but my confidence is on life-support; so, what do I know, eight?
Published 7th Jun 2022
Author's Note
Haven't written anything in a while and I'm far from good in my opinion but I just got dumped by my extremely abusive girlfriend. As a result, I'm up at 3 am trying to write my feelings instead of laying in them silently. My mind never stops. It is always screaming to let out my wild side. 8 years ago and I wouldn't care. I would have backups upon backups. That doesn't interest me though because I'm older. However, that does not mean that there isn't a part of that person that I don't miss. I don't miss the bs games I played, however, that person was extremely confident on the outside. That person wouldn't dare stick around through half of what I'm going through. I just really wish I could get to a place where I'm whole. At the gym I'm loose, fun, and confident but at home I'm a shell.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 0
reads 218
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
