deepundergroundpoetry.com
Ghede Nibo's Grace
- Ghede Nibo's Grace -
Being a sacred Vodou vision I had, on the evening of May 20, 2021...
It had been about four days since my previous experience in which I had been taken to the realm of the dead and shown the divine and sublime courtesy of Mama Brigitte, and Baron Samedi. And... upon the evening of the twentieth... it was fated, that I was about to undergo yet another unusual experience of the otherworldly variety. It began as before, expect that when I was drawn into another world I was this time within a dark forest and it was indeed night time. The forest was lit with pale lamps that were all hung from the branches of the trees, and which emitted dim bluish white light that... given the large amount of them... allowed for one to see well enough even in the shadowy dark of those woods. I heard the sound of crickets and night birds, and I could make out two large structures. One appeared to be an old church built from stone, its' walls crumbling and the whole of it giving the appearance of a place that was abandoned long ago. Nearby, was a tower with tall, slender spires, the top parts of which did pierce the canopy of green high above, only to be lost to sight due to the peculiar haze of the lamplight. Sitting upon a wooden stool next to the base of the tower was an old man in a long yellow robe with a plain brown hooded cloak over it. The hood was drawn back and I could see that the man had broad features, long wild brown hair and a thick but short beard of the same color. The man had a swarthy complexion, and his face bore many old scars. He looked at me, nodded, then said: “Welcome! Would you be looking to climb the nearby tower? It belongs to you, after all, Samael.” and I asked him why I should want to climb it. He replied: “Because it is yours. Are you not curious to learn more about it?” and I had to admit that I was. “I will climb the tower after all, I think.” I agreed aloud, and regarded the structure thoroughly seeking the way inside. But no door could be seen, and all the windows were high up. There were long pole-like protrusions sticking out the base of the tower and rising up higher and higher, towards ledges further up. I began to climb up those, for the poles were wide enough to stand upon... much like ledges themselves... and were not at all slippery, much as I feared they might be. I soon reached the upper ledges and discovered that all the windows of the tower at that height were just plain sealed shut with no way to open them. Then I spied another large spire sticking out from the side of the tower with more poles and ledges and I began to climb up those as well. All of a sudden, as I was climbing up this spire it began to shrink in size, as the whole tower also began to, and as it all did so it warped and bent unnaturally in ways that rubber would. I held unto the spire as much as I could, as the whole thing bent back all the way to the ground and the entire tower just sort of melted into the ground, only to dissolve entirely. All in the span of mere moments. I turned to the old man and asked him what all this could mean. He was very calm about the entire matter, and he explained to me the meaning of it as follows: “That tower was indeed yours, Samael. It symbolized all of the difficulties that you face in your life, all of the many hardships that you have ever been through, all of the pain and suffering that you have ever known. The meaning of what just happened, is quite simple and obvious really! Things are about to get easier and better for you. You will gain the means to overcome all odds, even if there are things that might seem difficult or hard for you at present. For you have a holy blessing upon you!”
“What blessing is that?” I asked the old man. “You shall soon see!” he replied, and suddenly he just vanished into thin air. I turned around, and just as suddenly I was no longer in those woods at all but in a room that had the appearance of my old bedroom from my old home back on the East Coast. All was exactly as I remembered it being, and I immediately realized I was in the precise replica of it that had been built in the realms of the dead, as I had spoken of within my previous writings upon this subject which I titled: “Mama Brigitte's Embrace”, which detailed the otherworldly happenings of the night of the sixteenth. Things felt different this time, though... and I sensed the difference in the very air itself.
It was still night time, because all was dark outside I noticed when looking out of the windows of the room. In the den, just one room over, there was a young man with dark hair who was rather tall but not unusually so. He was quite familiar looking to me... but I could not quite place wherever it was I might have known him from. He had extremely feminine features, somewhat dusky colored skin, and wore a totally black suit that looked much like a women's business suit. “Hello there, darling!” he said to me in a cheerful, contented tone as I stepped into the den, and I replied to him without pause as if by instinct: “Hey there, honey.” and there was this instant familiarity existing between us. His hair was short and in a women's pixie style that complemented his beautiful features ideally. His voice and mannerisms were exquisitely effeminate and I felt a strong attraction to him on quite a deep level. He decided to walk on into the bedroom and he started messing with the television, trying to see if anything was on. But all of the channels showed chaotic, random images and strange scenes that appeared to be warped versions of countless realities. “It looks like nothing is on television tonight worth watching.” I said humorously, and the young man replied: “There never is!” and he turned off the television after that, sighing as if he was bored a the notion of the television to begin with anyway. “Well then! What now, darling?” he mused, glancing at me lovingly. All of a sudden there was a pounding on the side door in the kitchen. “Who could that be at this hour?” I asked, genuinely curious and the young man said: “Don't worry at all about it, I will go and see who it is. You just stay here, and leave it to me!” and, he walked into the kitchen and answered the door. I could not have known that soon I would meet the great Ghede Nibo.
Into the kitchen stepped a large group of people, all dressed in black attire of various sorts. Among their number was a short woman wearing a black gown and a black cloak and veil which covered her face. Under that I could make out bone white pale skin. The woman did not speak, but gestured and out of the gathered people walked a young boy in his early teens who was wearing a black corset lined with purple. He wore a pair of loose, baggy trousers gathered at the waist and at the ankles, and those were black as well, and on his feet he wore purple sandals. Completing his outfit was a black silk blouse with long, full, billowing sleeves which was totally open at the front... and the blouse was tucked into the corset. The boy wore a silver chain necklace with a purple amethyst jewel pendant over his chest, and around his waist was a purple sash. The boy had a long, wavy mane of blood red hair styled in a very feminine fashion. His skin was also dusky in tone, much as the young man's had been, and like him the boy had strongly feminine features to his face, which was also adored with freckles along his nose and cheeks. The boy was wearing purple lipstick, and purple eye shadow with black mascara and eyeliner. I would have at first thought this to be a little girl, but it was actually not. “Lord Ghede Nibo! It is truly an honor.” said the young man who had gone to answer the door before bowing to the little boy. The boy saw that I was watching from over by the open bedroom door, and he smiled quite warmly while gazing intently in my direction. The young man drew the pale woman all in black aside to speak with her about something, and while this was going on the boy... Ghede Nibo... walked over to me and said in a friendly manner, his voice beautiful and sweet: “Come on, let us go into the room while the others talk. I will be staying here for quite a while, so let's make the most of our time together! Shall we?” and his manners were just as effeminate as had been the young man's. The boy pulled me by the left arm as we walked into the room and he closed the door behind us as we entered it. “You've met my mother?” The boy asked, referring to Mama Brigitte, and I confessed that I had indeed. “Good! She likes you a lot, you know.” he stated, before continuing: “I have been seeing to the healing of Andrea's soul and her spirit... the same with her little sister. The tragedy of their deaths scarred them quite deep, after all! But, we... that is, the Loa... we have been concerned about you the most, at present. For you too are in need of healing! But you dwell in the world above, where we cannot be around you all the time to provide you with all that you need. That... is why we have brought you down here... for this important night.”
The boy bid me to sit down, and I sat down on the bed. The lamps in the room were already on, but it had been like the pale bluish white illumination in the forest that I had experienced previously... and the bedroom felt as if it were bathed in some sort of bright moonlight, rather than any artificial light of any kind. Elsewhere in the house, the light was very much what one might consider normal for lamps. The boy was standing by the end of the bed, and he seemed to be breathing a bit labored all of a sudden. He then hastily undid the laces of his corset, and threw it unto the room's floor. “Ah, thank goodness! That is so much better!” he said, taking in a series of deep breaths. I noticed the marks on his abdomen from the corset, which had clearly been far more than a bit too tight for comfort. Nibo went on, saying: “You know, I honestly thought that I was going to literally implode from wearing that stupid thing for so long today! Whatever you do, just don't hug me right now, please... I need a bit of time, to recover a bit first. I was actually starting to get dizzy and feel faint, too, you know. Not good, not good at all!” and he sat down on the bed sideways and laid back for a bit, breathing deeply. The young man from earlier opened the door to see what was going on, noticed the discarded corset, smiled and then took it away, giving it to the pale woman who was with him. The then walked out and closed the door behind them as they did so, whispering about things rather than talking loudly. The boy sighed, then crawled up over to where I was lying upon the bed lengthwise (I had tired of sitting, previously) and threw an arm around me. I put an arm around him, and he said quietly, in almost a whisper: “That is so much better! So much better. You can hold me now, without me feeling sick... I honestly won't mind at all.” and I held him close, as he requested. “Let me guess...” he said, noticing the television was off, “There is nothing on, tonight! I am honestly not at all surprised about that. There really never is anything worth watching half the time anyway, you know. I'd rather spend all my time living, than watching other people live their lives for other peoples' entertainment. Speaking of which!” he then suddenly kissed me on my face's left cheek. “How has your life been lately, Samael? You can tell me all about it if you like. I'll listen!” and I told him that it has been very difficult for me lately, being a life filled with hard times, and that I have cried far more than laughed throughout the past couple of years. I told Ghede Nibo at least a thousand and ten secret truths about the nature of my suffering, and how deeply all of my inner scars truly ran. He was a very good listener indeed, and extremely attentive as he gazed deeply into my eyes as if he might lose himself in my words at any moment. His own eyes were a deep hazel, and they sparkled more than a bit in the peculiar illumination of the room. “You are in deep pain, aren't you!” he remarked sadly. “Let me help you to ease that pain, just for a little while perhaps.” he whispered, kissing my neck as he did so. “I am actually a lot older than I appear. Centuries upon centuries old, in fact!” the boy explained, sensing more than a few of my more unspoken concerns about just exactly where this evening was seeming to be heading. “And down in this part of the regions below, I am the one who decides the law and what is permissible. Love reigns, in my domain! And passion is more important than reason, to we who dwell here. Set yourself free, surrender to the moment, and just live!” the boy said, his voice filled with joy so profound it was like the ecstatic words of someone who has just had a profound religious experience. Outside, I could hear the singing of the night birds, the symphony of the crickets. It was all so beautiful!
I succumbed before long to Ghede Nibo's wishes, and we kissed hotly and passionately... we kissed with such abandoning to the intensity of that moment, that I honestly felt as if my very consciousness were slipping away, off unto distant rapturous climes far beyond rational description. Our hands were all over each other, caressing, rubbing, and seeking after ways to increase each other's pleasure. I was in a male form since my arrival in the woods at the start of this entire experience, and we did not care if we shared the same gender. That did not matter to us. We were two ancient spirits, more vastly ancient by far even than the whole of human history itself... and though Ghede Nibo was much younger than I, he was a great deal wiser in many ways. I let him guide me... as he tried to heal me, with love's power.
It was much later in the night, as my Loa lover and I lay wrapped in each other's arms, staring into each other's eyes, listening raptly to the sounds of nature outside the bedroom window. He randomly said to me: “I have only ever done this kind of healing with two people since the dawn of time. You, of course, are one... the most recent one... and long, long ago there had been another. But he is long lost to time and history does not even remember even his name any longer. I used to mourn him bitterly, until even I began to forget much about him. He was... not like you. Not as memorable, I suppose! Normally, just the simple act of living down in this domain is enough for people, for mortals in any case, to heal if they are wounded or broken souls... they come to to us, more and more every day sadly, due to the dark and tragic things that occur in the domains of the living up above. And, we give them good and stable homes where they have everything that they ever lacked in life. All they ever cared about, all that they ever wanted, we create exact duplicates of for them, to ease their souls and spirits' healing so that when the time comes should they wish to reincarnate... they can do so free of baggage from before. But you, you have never forgotten anything that came before, have you? We are alike in that way, you and I. Of course, neither of us is truly mortal, either! A lot of those I was talking about... some get to stay, if they decide not to reincarnate, and we allow them to remain. Andrea and her sister are two who have opted to remain, rather than to return to life again. Do not worry... what passed between you and I tonight, no one need ever learn of! It is our little secret, Samael... and ours alone. Kiss me again... sweet divinity! And we shall talk and whisper further after that, of things that mortals could only envision in dreams.”
Into the room suddenly, rushed the young man from earlier and the pale woman, still wearing her all black attire and hiding her face behind a hood and veil. The woman spoke for the first time, shouting: “Get dressed quickly, both of you! And hurry... the enforcers are here, and they are demanding that you both come before them.” And we put our clothes back on and rushed out the door into the hallway that led out into the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen were a rather small but strange group of mechanical beings wearing military uniforms that appeared to date from the Napoleonic era. They were all very tall, and they carried long black rifles with bayonets on the ends of them. Some, had no faces whatsoever... just these single round lenses like those of a camera or weird, reflective mirror-like visors where their faces should have been. A couple wore visors that had faces painted unto them, and all of them were like ball jointed dolls with tubes and wires attached here and there, carrying whatever energy it was that supplied these things with power. With them was a large, brutish and corpulent creature that was part machine in places, with at least one black mechanical eye that looked like a camera lens, and one hand replaced with a sharp machete-like blade which had old, dried bloodstains all over the length of it. Its' flesh was rough, bumpy and orange, and the creature was absolutely horrible to look upon, straight out of a nightmare. One of the tall mechanical soldiers bowed stiffly, and said in a childlike, almost musical voice that was also highly robotic sounding: “We are here today, to ensure that tradition is honored. For in these lands, tradition must be honored always.” And Ghede Nibo asked of them: “What exactly do you want with us, then? I know better than anyone what traditions we uphold here, being lord of all this domain!” And the soldier elaborated, stating: “Normally, when a mortal is brought into the world below while still living, a sacrifice is demanded of he or she. But here we have someone who is of the living, and there was no sacrifice required of them! Why is that?” and the boy told the soldier: “Samael is not a mortal... merely a god living in a mortal body. And he has, over the years, given freely and willingly of his very blood in the holy and sacred sacrifices which he has offered unto the Loa and all the gods both dark and light. He has lived both as a male and as a female, and he knows my ways intimately and has gained my... personal... favor. He is my guest here... there need be no sacrifice this day!” And at that, the machines grew agitated and they picked up the boy and the young man from before, and carried the two of them into a side room... in which, there was what appeared to be some sort of torture chamber.
I shouted for the machines to stop... but they totally and utterly ignored me. They held the young man back, and they took Ghede Nibo and held him near to an altar on which there was a roaring fire going in a long tiled rectangular recess. All the walls and floor were tiled as well, and there were chains hanging from the ceiling in places... with manacles at the ends of them. The horrible creature that was with the machines, took its' bladed arm and held the blade near Nibo's throat while one of the machines stated in a monotone: “There must be a sacrifice! Tradition must be upheld.” and the young man was screaming for them to stop, as was I. Suddenly, Ghede Nibo broke free of the machines' grasp and he took a knife from where one of the machine soldiers had one in a sheathe in one of its' boots. He held it in his right hand, and he dangled his left hand near the fire upon the altar. “If there must be a sacrifice... whether I will it or not... then let me be the one to make it! These are my lands, after all. That, surely, must satisfy tradition.” And I shouted: “No! Do not do this, not for me! Let me be the one to...” and my cries were ignored, as the boy swiftly took the sharp knife and proceeded to cut off his left hand's ring finger with it, leaving only a stub. He threw the severed finger into the fire, and let the blood pour on down into the blazing hot flames along with it. I had tears in my eyes the whole time, barely suppressing the urge to scream. Then the boy held his left hand up for me to see, showing it also to everyone who was present in the room. He had indeed done what it appeared that he had done... and suddenly, the bleeding was stopping, the stump healing over rapidly. The finger actually grew back before everyone's eyes, and the machines agreed at once, stating in an approving tone: “Tradition has been honored!” and they all left the house. The boy fell forward into my arms, the young man coming over to see if Ghede Nibo was in fact alright after all. “I am fine!” he assured us, explaining: “That just... was very taxing for me, is all. Even the Loa can feel pain, and we can bleed as you saw, and we can hurt. And it takes much energy, to heal our wounds or banish sickness... when rarely it comes for us. I did that sacrifice just now for you though, Samael. I... I love you. Deeply! More than I thought I would come to. My mother was wise... to choose you.” and I asked the boy what exactly it had been that I was chosen for. The boy replied: “To receive our blessing, to partake of our healing, to be granted a portion of our very spirit to carry within yourself... so that we may be with you, always. You carry our eternal favor! For of old, you were one of us. And we honor old debts, and care forever... for our own.” And he had tears in his eyes, a match for the same tears that were falling from mine. “Ghede Nibo...” I said somberly, “Thank you.” and he was visibly glad. The young men led him into the den and sat him in a chair there, where the boy relaxed and closed his eyes. “He will be fine, never fear!” the young man explained to me. “Who are you?” I asked the young man at last. “All night, I have been trying to figure it out... I know that I do know you from somewhere. Your eyes, they...” and the young man revealed to me: “It's me... It's Andrea.” and I at last fully understood. “Do you live here... in this house, I mean?” I asked him, and Andrea told me: “I do, now. My sister still lives in the gardens though, she isn't ready yet to choose a home for herself. But I was ready, and this was the home I always wanted. Your home... with you. And me to be free to at last be the gender I always felt I was. My father can never hurt me again! And when your time comes... you can join me here. Your grandmother, she lives here too... and so do some of your old favorite pets. She is out right now though, over in town.” And I said to Andrea, incredulously: “There is a town here too? I never saw it when I was here previously!” and he explained: “It is off a ways... but the roads are safe and the people happy. We can travel freely, go anywhere we want, be anything we desire, live how we please without fear of persecution. It is actually... a paradise, truly.” and I asked about those... enforcers. Andrea then elaborated about them: “Honestly? We never see them, usually... this is the first time that I have ever personally been in their presence. The Loa had first created them thousands of years ago, they say, and they made them to ensure that no one living could ever intrude upon the domains of the dead, unless it be that they first offered up a sacrifice. Even a prick on the finger would be enough to satisfy the will of the gods! What Ghede Nibo did... he must indeed love you, very much. As much as I do!”
The boy only needed to have just pricked his finger... even a single drop of blood would have done. Ghede Nibo was very dramatic, it seemed, and beyond zealous in his passions. I went out on the side porch, out the kitchen door, to take in the night air, and Andy was at my side. That was what Andrea asked me to call him now. “It suits you, beloved.” I said to him. At that point, Andy asked me a deep and heartfelt question... one I have been asking myself much lately... “So, babe... are you going to pick male or female in life, to live as? Please don't take any offense at my asking, though.” and I put my arm around his slender waist and I said to him truthfully: “I don't know. I am still trying to fully understand myself... trying to find myself. Sometimes... I honestly feel like as if I am one gender... but sometimes I feel like I am the other gender. But, I never really do feel certain which I could choose if I had to pick just one. In those moments, I consider living between genders. I tried that once before, years ago... I did the whole androgynous thing, and I kept on feeling that maybe I should go to being female from there. So I did that... and I stayed living as a woman ever since then. But for the past two years, I have reached a point in my life where I feel like I no longer know myself as well as I thought I once had. Oh heck, way back when you were still alive... I was living as a man, but trying to look androgynous with it. Just like how you...” And Andy smiled. He confided in me, saying: “I remember how it felt, how I felt back then. Trapped inside of my own skin at times! Trapped in my life, with my insanely abusive father, at home. I could see no way out, no light at the end of the dark, twisting tunnel my life had become. Until I met you, that is! I cannot remember anymore what happened that led to my death. Only, that it was my father who killed me in the end. And that... before that... I met you, and you gave my life meaning. You made me happy! You... make me happy. I will still be waiting right here for you, you know... even if I do end up having to wait a thousand years. Here, in this perfect world, this ideal afterlife! And when the time comes, we can go for walks in the gardens and visit my sister. You would like her! I wish she had been alive when we got together... I wish...” and he was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to truly contain all the pent-up emotions any longer. “I wish the same things as you do.” I told him, and I held him close, his beautiful head resting against my shoulder as I ran my fingers through his beautiful pixie hair. When he was a woman, in life... he was so beautiful that he had looked like a supermodel, to the point where my own mother was actually jealous of Andrea's beauty... and even now, in the form of a man, that very same beauty was no less incredible to behold. How had I not known that this was still Andrea? It was so obvious to me now! I was crying along with him... just like the last night I had ever held Andrea in life. My heart was near to rending asunder, or so it felt! Andy cleared his throat, dried his eyes, and said to me calmly at last: “You will have to go back, soon... you are still alive. I will be right here, waiting for you! Whichever gender you are drawn to become... I will love you with all my heart and soul just the same, until the end of time... and beyond.” And I said to him: “I too will always love you, just as much!” Andy then added: “Darling... if you do have to seek the comforts of another living soul until the day of your passing comes... I will understand. You don't have to be alone in life just for my sake! I would never want that for you. I am content, to wait for you... truly content!” and I said to him before I had to leave: “Thank you, my love! You will always be in my heart, forever... and when the hour of my passing is at hand, I will think about how soon after, you and I will be walking in those gardens hand in hand, going to meet your sister. To have our whole eternity together, ever after!”
And so we bid farewell to each other, and I walked away from that replica of my old house... it was hard to do. And I walked down dark and lonely roads, into thick mists and fog, across landscapes both alien and familiar at the same time. For many long hours I felt as if I had indeed passed from the living world... I felt like a lost soul cast adrift upon otherworldly seas. Distance... had it any meaning there? It seemed sometimes like distance was different there. It could feel longer or shorter. And I knew not at all where I was supposed to be going. Soon... I could hear the sounds of drums beating in the distance.
Soon, I notice I was traveling across a landscape where the ground was covered in snow. Off a long way in the distance, I saw a temple built into the side of a great mountain. I walked towards it, and in front of a massive gate were four large drums of ancient African design. There was no one here beating upon them though, but this was clearly the source of the sound I had heard, the sound of the drumbeats. “Is anyone here? I am lost, and need to get back to the world of the living again! Can anyone help me?” I cried out. And all of a sudden a large part of the temple wall near the gate shifted, and out of it came a series of four stone shelves. On the ground nearby, half-buried in the snow were four crystal balls and four white cups painted with images of red hears upon them. I placed the cups unto the shelves, and I put the crystal balls into each of the cups. The crystals were blue, and glowed with a light from within. There was a brilliant flash of light for an instant, and suddenly I was standing before a mighty wooden door of immense size that was only halfway open... and I was placing two of those cups precariously atop the door, which was now only about the size of a normal house's door, much like the door to your bedroom or bathroom. And, I was also placing two blue crystal dolphins within the cups. Suddenly, I said aloud: “What am I doing! Those will fall the first time someone goes to open the door.” and I took the cups down from the top of the door and placed them upon the top of a nearby wooden table that had been there this whole time. I was indoors someplace, but I had no clue where I was... and nearby, there was a very strange man whom I had never seen before, and he was wearing all black, with curly black hair and olive toned skin. He said to me in an anxious, nervous tone: “I have been waiting for so long, to go through that door! Thank you, thank you.” and he rushed through the door after casting it open all the way. The man vanished in a flash of yellow light, yellow light being all I could see beyond the door.
All was black in this place, and featureless, but it was not pitch dark simply misty within that space. A dim radiance emitted from beyond the door, which was seeming to be in the center of the chamber, which itself (the chamber itself that is) appeared fully circular in design... and the door could only be seen from the front. Whenever I tried to step behind it, the door would seem to disappear entirely. I was very alarmed by this! There was a resounding echo whenever I said anything at all. The walls, what I could make out of them, were silver and metallic with strange black designs scrawled across the whole surfaces of them. And there were immense metal columns placed at eight points all about the chamber, with black lines drawn from them, across the floor, to the round dais upon which sat the strange door. Like an eight-pointed star, with the door at its' central hub. There was no other exit from this room but for the door, and so I passed through it, into the yellow light beyond. There was another flash just then!
I was now well back within the world of the living, or so it seemed, but instead of it being springtime like it was when I had first left... it was suddenly the middle of the winter season again, which I found to be alarmingly strange, to say the least. I noticed that I was standing just across the backyard, on the road that runs through the back alley behind the house where my apartment is, my apartment being in a duplex... and the door to my side of the place was just across the backyard, down a small path that runs through the yard and up some steps. That is where I have lived for the past two years with my current partner, Zoey, whose van was still right where it had always been. I then pictured Zoey in my mind, as I looked at her van, feeling completely distracted and lost in the moment... she is quite tall, at least to me, about six feet tall... and she has long brown hair with beautiful eyes of the same color. Very earthy, is her appearance! And she adores wearing the color pink, and other bright and cheerful colors. At times, she could be almost childlike, and that was one of the most endearing things I found that I liked about her. She could cheer me up anytime, with a silly joke or a smile, and since meeting her I no longer felt all alone any longer. She is at least a decade younger than I am... but we never felt like that mattered in the least. We just connected on a deep level... and that was enough for us! I was eager to see her again.
What I saw next horrified me! Zoey was there by the apartment door, looking down at something to the left of the steps. There... I saw that upon the ground was laid a black coffin and Zoey leaned over it, clasped her arms around it tightly, and cried hysterically. And this was what she cried out as she wept: “I am so sorry, honey! I am so sorry that I couldn't give you more in life. You deserved so much more! Oh God, Kara! Why did you have to die on me? Now I'm going to be all alone! All alone! Oh God, no! Oh God! No! Come back! Come back to me Kara! Come back to me!” and that is my name, Kara, the name that I currently go by in life. That was my body inside that coffin, I realized. I was dead... really dead... and they opted to see me buried it seemed. I once thought about cremation, and was surprised to see that this was chosen instead. Burial is so much more expensive, and we were not wealthy people. I looked on the picnic table nearby, and saw an open calendar lying upon its' surface, wet from the snow outside. It was December of 2022... but it had been May of 2021 when I was taken to the worlds below. How much time had passed? At what point, had I died! I would never know. I then tried to put my arms around Zoey to comfort her, I was crying bitterly myself, my lips quivering uncontrollably from grief... but my arms just passed right through her. I was a ghost, a spirit. I had no body any longer. But I still felt grief, still knew pain, still longed to be alive again, to be with Zoey again. And suddenly, there did appear right next to me an exceedingly tall woman dressed in a flowing white gown. She was pale and luminous, with long blonde hair that appeared so light in color it was almost white. And her eyes were filled with green radiance. I recognized her from long ago... like me, she had been known by countless names and wore countless faces down through the ages. We were siblings once upon a time, back in another era of history now long lost. “Samael, sibling beloved...” she said sadly, her voice filled with audible sorrow. “Kara... it is time to go.” and I said to her in reply: “I don't want to go yet! I want to be here, with Zoey. I wasn't ready to die just yet... there is still so much living I wanted to do...” and I was breaking down from my grief, barely able to say another coherent word after that. “Please! Let me live again!” I begged of her at length, and she said to me: “This is the future, Kara... not your present. You can still go back home, it is not too late!” and I asked of her: “How... how did I die? How can I stop this from happening back in the present!” and the angelic woman explained to me: “Do not focus upon the hour of your death, nor the many forms and circumstances under which it can occur! Death comes for all living things sooner or later, and it cannot be halted or bargained with. Know this, though... you can always change things in your life, in your present. The past alone, cannot be altered! And this future, it is but one of many. You have often looked into the future in your prescient moments, sibling beloved... tell me, what did you see when you looked ahead?” And I admitted to her as follows: “I saw countless possible paths, and countless potential futures. And only one path could be chosen, only one outcome out of an infinite number of outcomes! Every living thing must follow its' destined path. But no one can know what that path is, until they begin to walk it.” And the woman said unto me: “You saw truly! In this outcome you just witnessed... in this one single future... you met with a most untimely death, one that you never saw coming, or thought possible to befall you. But befall you it did! And you could not have been watchful for it, for it came suddenly and by surprise.” And, I understood what she was trying to tell me, though she elaborated further to be sure that I comprehended all... “That is how it always is, with death! But what matters the most, what truly matters... is how we live our lives in the meantime. While one is living, one should waste not even a single minute... for time passes all too quickly when we wish that it would not. I shall soon send you back, into your physical body, as swiftly as I may... for it waits for you back in the world of the living, in your correct present. In the meantime, let us go and leave this mournful scene behind us. There is a bit more that you need to bear witness to, but it lies in another place back in your correct present. Close your eyes, the eyes of your astral form, and trust in my light to direct us to where we actually belong. No longer in this place, and no longer in this time!” and I did as the angelic woman bade, trusting in her light indeed. There was a brightness, and we were gone.
I was back in the forest where my journey into the realms of the dead began, and the mysterious glow of the bluish white lamps actually seemed comforting to me after the terrible event I had just witnessed. The old man was still sitting upon his stool, and the angelic woman who was at my side strode over to lay a hand upon him, like someone comforting an ailing friend. “You are well, I trust?” she said to the old man, who replied: “I am well enough, given my age!” and the woman responded to that by saying: “Ah, you lie! For such as we, are ageless no matter how we choose to appear.” and the old man made a grumbling sound as if muttering something under his breath. The woman turned to me, smiling in a far more serene and peaceful way now that we were away from that dark future. She then said: “So... now here we are, having come full circle! The tower is no more, I see.” and I noticed that indeed it was very much gone. I told the woman how it was that the tower came to be destroyed. She laughed a bit to hear my tale of how that had transpired. I could hear the sound of animals scurrying about in the underbrush of the woods, and in the distance the calling of an owl echoed through the trees. “This is like old times, is it not?” the woman said to me cheerfully. “Though, these woods are very different from others that we have met in. And my crows and ravens are nowhere to be seen!” and indeed she was correct about that... for whatever birds it was that made their songs in the night of that domain, there were no crows or ravens to be heard among their number. The old man then began to speak, his voice gruff but with a certain kindliness to it. He said: “You were called here to receive certain blessings from the Loa, and indeed you have received them well! By the great grace of Ghede Nibo and others who rule here, you were shown boundless love and comfort, and even got to spend some time with one you had loved in the past who passed from life into the Loa's care. This was good for the both of you to experience! And you now understand better, the importance of enjoying life, knowing too how brief it can be and how certain death is for all, even one such as yourself. There is but one final thing that remains to be done, and you may return to your body once again, to savor life as never before!” and as he stated this, a stone structure rose up from the ground next to him. The angelic woman moved out of its' way as it did so. It was an ancient stone altar with four raised sections atop it. On the ground in front of the altar appeared four small pyramid-shaped objects large enough to be held in the palm of one's hand. Upon each one, was inscribed a symbol corresponding to one of the four cardinal elements. Earth, Air, Water, and Fire. I placed them upon the altar, each upon one of the four sections meant for it, from left to right, in the order I just listed. Transparent domes formed over each of the objects, and the domes filled with light, each light bearing a color corresponding to its' correct element. Green for Earth, white for Air, blue for Water, and red for Fire. The old man appeared extremely pleased, and the angelic woman said unto me when this task was, at last, completed: “Well done! We shall waste no more time here... do you know why there were only four elements to be placed upon the altar? It is because Spirit, which is the fifth of the five cardinal elements, is a part of all things, for all things possess a spirit in some form or another. In placing the other four, you yourself represented the fifth. And in that representation, you gave life to the other four, which otherwise would have been inert. Nothing may remain inert indefinitely, so long as there is Spirit to animate it. And so... let your own spirit shine brightly in all that you do! Bring life to your every creation in life, and bring joy to all who love you and all whom you love. This is the task of all who live, though not all who live are able to carry out that task well. Some fall to darkness and they become as inert as were those pyramid stones before you placed them upon the altar. Some people you may help, and they may find their way, their own spirits glowing brightly with light from within... but you cannot place them where they are meant to be as you did those stones. They must, in the end, find their place in destiny for themselves... and all you can do, is guide whoever you may. Those who are meant to listen will, and those who are meant not to, will not. Remember my words, and be well!” And thick mists closed in, followed by a certain brilliant radiance. When my vision cleared... I was at home, in my correct present, standing before my altar. I set about to live... as I had never lived before.
Being a sacred Vodou vision I had, on the evening of May 20, 2021...
It had been about four days since my previous experience in which I had been taken to the realm of the dead and shown the divine and sublime courtesy of Mama Brigitte, and Baron Samedi. And... upon the evening of the twentieth... it was fated, that I was about to undergo yet another unusual experience of the otherworldly variety. It began as before, expect that when I was drawn into another world I was this time within a dark forest and it was indeed night time. The forest was lit with pale lamps that were all hung from the branches of the trees, and which emitted dim bluish white light that... given the large amount of them... allowed for one to see well enough even in the shadowy dark of those woods. I heard the sound of crickets and night birds, and I could make out two large structures. One appeared to be an old church built from stone, its' walls crumbling and the whole of it giving the appearance of a place that was abandoned long ago. Nearby, was a tower with tall, slender spires, the top parts of which did pierce the canopy of green high above, only to be lost to sight due to the peculiar haze of the lamplight. Sitting upon a wooden stool next to the base of the tower was an old man in a long yellow robe with a plain brown hooded cloak over it. The hood was drawn back and I could see that the man had broad features, long wild brown hair and a thick but short beard of the same color. The man had a swarthy complexion, and his face bore many old scars. He looked at me, nodded, then said: “Welcome! Would you be looking to climb the nearby tower? It belongs to you, after all, Samael.” and I asked him why I should want to climb it. He replied: “Because it is yours. Are you not curious to learn more about it?” and I had to admit that I was. “I will climb the tower after all, I think.” I agreed aloud, and regarded the structure thoroughly seeking the way inside. But no door could be seen, and all the windows were high up. There were long pole-like protrusions sticking out the base of the tower and rising up higher and higher, towards ledges further up. I began to climb up those, for the poles were wide enough to stand upon... much like ledges themselves... and were not at all slippery, much as I feared they might be. I soon reached the upper ledges and discovered that all the windows of the tower at that height were just plain sealed shut with no way to open them. Then I spied another large spire sticking out from the side of the tower with more poles and ledges and I began to climb up those as well. All of a sudden, as I was climbing up this spire it began to shrink in size, as the whole tower also began to, and as it all did so it warped and bent unnaturally in ways that rubber would. I held unto the spire as much as I could, as the whole thing bent back all the way to the ground and the entire tower just sort of melted into the ground, only to dissolve entirely. All in the span of mere moments. I turned to the old man and asked him what all this could mean. He was very calm about the entire matter, and he explained to me the meaning of it as follows: “That tower was indeed yours, Samael. It symbolized all of the difficulties that you face in your life, all of the many hardships that you have ever been through, all of the pain and suffering that you have ever known. The meaning of what just happened, is quite simple and obvious really! Things are about to get easier and better for you. You will gain the means to overcome all odds, even if there are things that might seem difficult or hard for you at present. For you have a holy blessing upon you!”
“What blessing is that?” I asked the old man. “You shall soon see!” he replied, and suddenly he just vanished into thin air. I turned around, and just as suddenly I was no longer in those woods at all but in a room that had the appearance of my old bedroom from my old home back on the East Coast. All was exactly as I remembered it being, and I immediately realized I was in the precise replica of it that had been built in the realms of the dead, as I had spoken of within my previous writings upon this subject which I titled: “Mama Brigitte's Embrace”, which detailed the otherworldly happenings of the night of the sixteenth. Things felt different this time, though... and I sensed the difference in the very air itself.
It was still night time, because all was dark outside I noticed when looking out of the windows of the room. In the den, just one room over, there was a young man with dark hair who was rather tall but not unusually so. He was quite familiar looking to me... but I could not quite place wherever it was I might have known him from. He had extremely feminine features, somewhat dusky colored skin, and wore a totally black suit that looked much like a women's business suit. “Hello there, darling!” he said to me in a cheerful, contented tone as I stepped into the den, and I replied to him without pause as if by instinct: “Hey there, honey.” and there was this instant familiarity existing between us. His hair was short and in a women's pixie style that complemented his beautiful features ideally. His voice and mannerisms were exquisitely effeminate and I felt a strong attraction to him on quite a deep level. He decided to walk on into the bedroom and he started messing with the television, trying to see if anything was on. But all of the channels showed chaotic, random images and strange scenes that appeared to be warped versions of countless realities. “It looks like nothing is on television tonight worth watching.” I said humorously, and the young man replied: “There never is!” and he turned off the television after that, sighing as if he was bored a the notion of the television to begin with anyway. “Well then! What now, darling?” he mused, glancing at me lovingly. All of a sudden there was a pounding on the side door in the kitchen. “Who could that be at this hour?” I asked, genuinely curious and the young man said: “Don't worry at all about it, I will go and see who it is. You just stay here, and leave it to me!” and, he walked into the kitchen and answered the door. I could not have known that soon I would meet the great Ghede Nibo.
Into the kitchen stepped a large group of people, all dressed in black attire of various sorts. Among their number was a short woman wearing a black gown and a black cloak and veil which covered her face. Under that I could make out bone white pale skin. The woman did not speak, but gestured and out of the gathered people walked a young boy in his early teens who was wearing a black corset lined with purple. He wore a pair of loose, baggy trousers gathered at the waist and at the ankles, and those were black as well, and on his feet he wore purple sandals. Completing his outfit was a black silk blouse with long, full, billowing sleeves which was totally open at the front... and the blouse was tucked into the corset. The boy wore a silver chain necklace with a purple amethyst jewel pendant over his chest, and around his waist was a purple sash. The boy had a long, wavy mane of blood red hair styled in a very feminine fashion. His skin was also dusky in tone, much as the young man's had been, and like him the boy had strongly feminine features to his face, which was also adored with freckles along his nose and cheeks. The boy was wearing purple lipstick, and purple eye shadow with black mascara and eyeliner. I would have at first thought this to be a little girl, but it was actually not. “Lord Ghede Nibo! It is truly an honor.” said the young man who had gone to answer the door before bowing to the little boy. The boy saw that I was watching from over by the open bedroom door, and he smiled quite warmly while gazing intently in my direction. The young man drew the pale woman all in black aside to speak with her about something, and while this was going on the boy... Ghede Nibo... walked over to me and said in a friendly manner, his voice beautiful and sweet: “Come on, let us go into the room while the others talk. I will be staying here for quite a while, so let's make the most of our time together! Shall we?” and his manners were just as effeminate as had been the young man's. The boy pulled me by the left arm as we walked into the room and he closed the door behind us as we entered it. “You've met my mother?” The boy asked, referring to Mama Brigitte, and I confessed that I had indeed. “Good! She likes you a lot, you know.” he stated, before continuing: “I have been seeing to the healing of Andrea's soul and her spirit... the same with her little sister. The tragedy of their deaths scarred them quite deep, after all! But, we... that is, the Loa... we have been concerned about you the most, at present. For you too are in need of healing! But you dwell in the world above, where we cannot be around you all the time to provide you with all that you need. That... is why we have brought you down here... for this important night.”
The boy bid me to sit down, and I sat down on the bed. The lamps in the room were already on, but it had been like the pale bluish white illumination in the forest that I had experienced previously... and the bedroom felt as if it were bathed in some sort of bright moonlight, rather than any artificial light of any kind. Elsewhere in the house, the light was very much what one might consider normal for lamps. The boy was standing by the end of the bed, and he seemed to be breathing a bit labored all of a sudden. He then hastily undid the laces of his corset, and threw it unto the room's floor. “Ah, thank goodness! That is so much better!” he said, taking in a series of deep breaths. I noticed the marks on his abdomen from the corset, which had clearly been far more than a bit too tight for comfort. Nibo went on, saying: “You know, I honestly thought that I was going to literally implode from wearing that stupid thing for so long today! Whatever you do, just don't hug me right now, please... I need a bit of time, to recover a bit first. I was actually starting to get dizzy and feel faint, too, you know. Not good, not good at all!” and he sat down on the bed sideways and laid back for a bit, breathing deeply. The young man from earlier opened the door to see what was going on, noticed the discarded corset, smiled and then took it away, giving it to the pale woman who was with him. The then walked out and closed the door behind them as they did so, whispering about things rather than talking loudly. The boy sighed, then crawled up over to where I was lying upon the bed lengthwise (I had tired of sitting, previously) and threw an arm around me. I put an arm around him, and he said quietly, in almost a whisper: “That is so much better! So much better. You can hold me now, without me feeling sick... I honestly won't mind at all.” and I held him close, as he requested. “Let me guess...” he said, noticing the television was off, “There is nothing on, tonight! I am honestly not at all surprised about that. There really never is anything worth watching half the time anyway, you know. I'd rather spend all my time living, than watching other people live their lives for other peoples' entertainment. Speaking of which!” he then suddenly kissed me on my face's left cheek. “How has your life been lately, Samael? You can tell me all about it if you like. I'll listen!” and I told him that it has been very difficult for me lately, being a life filled with hard times, and that I have cried far more than laughed throughout the past couple of years. I told Ghede Nibo at least a thousand and ten secret truths about the nature of my suffering, and how deeply all of my inner scars truly ran. He was a very good listener indeed, and extremely attentive as he gazed deeply into my eyes as if he might lose himself in my words at any moment. His own eyes were a deep hazel, and they sparkled more than a bit in the peculiar illumination of the room. “You are in deep pain, aren't you!” he remarked sadly. “Let me help you to ease that pain, just for a little while perhaps.” he whispered, kissing my neck as he did so. “I am actually a lot older than I appear. Centuries upon centuries old, in fact!” the boy explained, sensing more than a few of my more unspoken concerns about just exactly where this evening was seeming to be heading. “And down in this part of the regions below, I am the one who decides the law and what is permissible. Love reigns, in my domain! And passion is more important than reason, to we who dwell here. Set yourself free, surrender to the moment, and just live!” the boy said, his voice filled with joy so profound it was like the ecstatic words of someone who has just had a profound religious experience. Outside, I could hear the singing of the night birds, the symphony of the crickets. It was all so beautiful!
I succumbed before long to Ghede Nibo's wishes, and we kissed hotly and passionately... we kissed with such abandoning to the intensity of that moment, that I honestly felt as if my very consciousness were slipping away, off unto distant rapturous climes far beyond rational description. Our hands were all over each other, caressing, rubbing, and seeking after ways to increase each other's pleasure. I was in a male form since my arrival in the woods at the start of this entire experience, and we did not care if we shared the same gender. That did not matter to us. We were two ancient spirits, more vastly ancient by far even than the whole of human history itself... and though Ghede Nibo was much younger than I, he was a great deal wiser in many ways. I let him guide me... as he tried to heal me, with love's power.
It was much later in the night, as my Loa lover and I lay wrapped in each other's arms, staring into each other's eyes, listening raptly to the sounds of nature outside the bedroom window. He randomly said to me: “I have only ever done this kind of healing with two people since the dawn of time. You, of course, are one... the most recent one... and long, long ago there had been another. But he is long lost to time and history does not even remember even his name any longer. I used to mourn him bitterly, until even I began to forget much about him. He was... not like you. Not as memorable, I suppose! Normally, just the simple act of living down in this domain is enough for people, for mortals in any case, to heal if they are wounded or broken souls... they come to to us, more and more every day sadly, due to the dark and tragic things that occur in the domains of the living up above. And, we give them good and stable homes where they have everything that they ever lacked in life. All they ever cared about, all that they ever wanted, we create exact duplicates of for them, to ease their souls and spirits' healing so that when the time comes should they wish to reincarnate... they can do so free of baggage from before. But you, you have never forgotten anything that came before, have you? We are alike in that way, you and I. Of course, neither of us is truly mortal, either! A lot of those I was talking about... some get to stay, if they decide not to reincarnate, and we allow them to remain. Andrea and her sister are two who have opted to remain, rather than to return to life again. Do not worry... what passed between you and I tonight, no one need ever learn of! It is our little secret, Samael... and ours alone. Kiss me again... sweet divinity! And we shall talk and whisper further after that, of things that mortals could only envision in dreams.”
Into the room suddenly, rushed the young man from earlier and the pale woman, still wearing her all black attire and hiding her face behind a hood and veil. The woman spoke for the first time, shouting: “Get dressed quickly, both of you! And hurry... the enforcers are here, and they are demanding that you both come before them.” And we put our clothes back on and rushed out the door into the hallway that led out into the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen were a rather small but strange group of mechanical beings wearing military uniforms that appeared to date from the Napoleonic era. They were all very tall, and they carried long black rifles with bayonets on the ends of them. Some, had no faces whatsoever... just these single round lenses like those of a camera or weird, reflective mirror-like visors where their faces should have been. A couple wore visors that had faces painted unto them, and all of them were like ball jointed dolls with tubes and wires attached here and there, carrying whatever energy it was that supplied these things with power. With them was a large, brutish and corpulent creature that was part machine in places, with at least one black mechanical eye that looked like a camera lens, and one hand replaced with a sharp machete-like blade which had old, dried bloodstains all over the length of it. Its' flesh was rough, bumpy and orange, and the creature was absolutely horrible to look upon, straight out of a nightmare. One of the tall mechanical soldiers bowed stiffly, and said in a childlike, almost musical voice that was also highly robotic sounding: “We are here today, to ensure that tradition is honored. For in these lands, tradition must be honored always.” And Ghede Nibo asked of them: “What exactly do you want with us, then? I know better than anyone what traditions we uphold here, being lord of all this domain!” And the soldier elaborated, stating: “Normally, when a mortal is brought into the world below while still living, a sacrifice is demanded of he or she. But here we have someone who is of the living, and there was no sacrifice required of them! Why is that?” and the boy told the soldier: “Samael is not a mortal... merely a god living in a mortal body. And he has, over the years, given freely and willingly of his very blood in the holy and sacred sacrifices which he has offered unto the Loa and all the gods both dark and light. He has lived both as a male and as a female, and he knows my ways intimately and has gained my... personal... favor. He is my guest here... there need be no sacrifice this day!” And at that, the machines grew agitated and they picked up the boy and the young man from before, and carried the two of them into a side room... in which, there was what appeared to be some sort of torture chamber.
I shouted for the machines to stop... but they totally and utterly ignored me. They held the young man back, and they took Ghede Nibo and held him near to an altar on which there was a roaring fire going in a long tiled rectangular recess. All the walls and floor were tiled as well, and there were chains hanging from the ceiling in places... with manacles at the ends of them. The horrible creature that was with the machines, took its' bladed arm and held the blade near Nibo's throat while one of the machines stated in a monotone: “There must be a sacrifice! Tradition must be upheld.” and the young man was screaming for them to stop, as was I. Suddenly, Ghede Nibo broke free of the machines' grasp and he took a knife from where one of the machine soldiers had one in a sheathe in one of its' boots. He held it in his right hand, and he dangled his left hand near the fire upon the altar. “If there must be a sacrifice... whether I will it or not... then let me be the one to make it! These are my lands, after all. That, surely, must satisfy tradition.” And I shouted: “No! Do not do this, not for me! Let me be the one to...” and my cries were ignored, as the boy swiftly took the sharp knife and proceeded to cut off his left hand's ring finger with it, leaving only a stub. He threw the severed finger into the fire, and let the blood pour on down into the blazing hot flames along with it. I had tears in my eyes the whole time, barely suppressing the urge to scream. Then the boy held his left hand up for me to see, showing it also to everyone who was present in the room. He had indeed done what it appeared that he had done... and suddenly, the bleeding was stopping, the stump healing over rapidly. The finger actually grew back before everyone's eyes, and the machines agreed at once, stating in an approving tone: “Tradition has been honored!” and they all left the house. The boy fell forward into my arms, the young man coming over to see if Ghede Nibo was in fact alright after all. “I am fine!” he assured us, explaining: “That just... was very taxing for me, is all. Even the Loa can feel pain, and we can bleed as you saw, and we can hurt. And it takes much energy, to heal our wounds or banish sickness... when rarely it comes for us. I did that sacrifice just now for you though, Samael. I... I love you. Deeply! More than I thought I would come to. My mother was wise... to choose you.” and I asked the boy what exactly it had been that I was chosen for. The boy replied: “To receive our blessing, to partake of our healing, to be granted a portion of our very spirit to carry within yourself... so that we may be with you, always. You carry our eternal favor! For of old, you were one of us. And we honor old debts, and care forever... for our own.” And he had tears in his eyes, a match for the same tears that were falling from mine. “Ghede Nibo...” I said somberly, “Thank you.” and he was visibly glad. The young men led him into the den and sat him in a chair there, where the boy relaxed and closed his eyes. “He will be fine, never fear!” the young man explained to me. “Who are you?” I asked the young man at last. “All night, I have been trying to figure it out... I know that I do know you from somewhere. Your eyes, they...” and the young man revealed to me: “It's me... It's Andrea.” and I at last fully understood. “Do you live here... in this house, I mean?” I asked him, and Andrea told me: “I do, now. My sister still lives in the gardens though, she isn't ready yet to choose a home for herself. But I was ready, and this was the home I always wanted. Your home... with you. And me to be free to at last be the gender I always felt I was. My father can never hurt me again! And when your time comes... you can join me here. Your grandmother, she lives here too... and so do some of your old favorite pets. She is out right now though, over in town.” And I said to Andrea, incredulously: “There is a town here too? I never saw it when I was here previously!” and he explained: “It is off a ways... but the roads are safe and the people happy. We can travel freely, go anywhere we want, be anything we desire, live how we please without fear of persecution. It is actually... a paradise, truly.” and I asked about those... enforcers. Andrea then elaborated about them: “Honestly? We never see them, usually... this is the first time that I have ever personally been in their presence. The Loa had first created them thousands of years ago, they say, and they made them to ensure that no one living could ever intrude upon the domains of the dead, unless it be that they first offered up a sacrifice. Even a prick on the finger would be enough to satisfy the will of the gods! What Ghede Nibo did... he must indeed love you, very much. As much as I do!”
The boy only needed to have just pricked his finger... even a single drop of blood would have done. Ghede Nibo was very dramatic, it seemed, and beyond zealous in his passions. I went out on the side porch, out the kitchen door, to take in the night air, and Andy was at my side. That was what Andrea asked me to call him now. “It suits you, beloved.” I said to him. At that point, Andy asked me a deep and heartfelt question... one I have been asking myself much lately... “So, babe... are you going to pick male or female in life, to live as? Please don't take any offense at my asking, though.” and I put my arm around his slender waist and I said to him truthfully: “I don't know. I am still trying to fully understand myself... trying to find myself. Sometimes... I honestly feel like as if I am one gender... but sometimes I feel like I am the other gender. But, I never really do feel certain which I could choose if I had to pick just one. In those moments, I consider living between genders. I tried that once before, years ago... I did the whole androgynous thing, and I kept on feeling that maybe I should go to being female from there. So I did that... and I stayed living as a woman ever since then. But for the past two years, I have reached a point in my life where I feel like I no longer know myself as well as I thought I once had. Oh heck, way back when you were still alive... I was living as a man, but trying to look androgynous with it. Just like how you...” And Andy smiled. He confided in me, saying: “I remember how it felt, how I felt back then. Trapped inside of my own skin at times! Trapped in my life, with my insanely abusive father, at home. I could see no way out, no light at the end of the dark, twisting tunnel my life had become. Until I met you, that is! I cannot remember anymore what happened that led to my death. Only, that it was my father who killed me in the end. And that... before that... I met you, and you gave my life meaning. You made me happy! You... make me happy. I will still be waiting right here for you, you know... even if I do end up having to wait a thousand years. Here, in this perfect world, this ideal afterlife! And when the time comes, we can go for walks in the gardens and visit my sister. You would like her! I wish she had been alive when we got together... I wish...” and he was crying, sobbing uncontrollably, unable to truly contain all the pent-up emotions any longer. “I wish the same things as you do.” I told him, and I held him close, his beautiful head resting against my shoulder as I ran my fingers through his beautiful pixie hair. When he was a woman, in life... he was so beautiful that he had looked like a supermodel, to the point where my own mother was actually jealous of Andrea's beauty... and even now, in the form of a man, that very same beauty was no less incredible to behold. How had I not known that this was still Andrea? It was so obvious to me now! I was crying along with him... just like the last night I had ever held Andrea in life. My heart was near to rending asunder, or so it felt! Andy cleared his throat, dried his eyes, and said to me calmly at last: “You will have to go back, soon... you are still alive. I will be right here, waiting for you! Whichever gender you are drawn to become... I will love you with all my heart and soul just the same, until the end of time... and beyond.” And I said to him: “I too will always love you, just as much!” Andy then added: “Darling... if you do have to seek the comforts of another living soul until the day of your passing comes... I will understand. You don't have to be alone in life just for my sake! I would never want that for you. I am content, to wait for you... truly content!” and I said to him before I had to leave: “Thank you, my love! You will always be in my heart, forever... and when the hour of my passing is at hand, I will think about how soon after, you and I will be walking in those gardens hand in hand, going to meet your sister. To have our whole eternity together, ever after!”
And so we bid farewell to each other, and I walked away from that replica of my old house... it was hard to do. And I walked down dark and lonely roads, into thick mists and fog, across landscapes both alien and familiar at the same time. For many long hours I felt as if I had indeed passed from the living world... I felt like a lost soul cast adrift upon otherworldly seas. Distance... had it any meaning there? It seemed sometimes like distance was different there. It could feel longer or shorter. And I knew not at all where I was supposed to be going. Soon... I could hear the sounds of drums beating in the distance.
Soon, I notice I was traveling across a landscape where the ground was covered in snow. Off a long way in the distance, I saw a temple built into the side of a great mountain. I walked towards it, and in front of a massive gate were four large drums of ancient African design. There was no one here beating upon them though, but this was clearly the source of the sound I had heard, the sound of the drumbeats. “Is anyone here? I am lost, and need to get back to the world of the living again! Can anyone help me?” I cried out. And all of a sudden a large part of the temple wall near the gate shifted, and out of it came a series of four stone shelves. On the ground nearby, half-buried in the snow were four crystal balls and four white cups painted with images of red hears upon them. I placed the cups unto the shelves, and I put the crystal balls into each of the cups. The crystals were blue, and glowed with a light from within. There was a brilliant flash of light for an instant, and suddenly I was standing before a mighty wooden door of immense size that was only halfway open... and I was placing two of those cups precariously atop the door, which was now only about the size of a normal house's door, much like the door to your bedroom or bathroom. And, I was also placing two blue crystal dolphins within the cups. Suddenly, I said aloud: “What am I doing! Those will fall the first time someone goes to open the door.” and I took the cups down from the top of the door and placed them upon the top of a nearby wooden table that had been there this whole time. I was indoors someplace, but I had no clue where I was... and nearby, there was a very strange man whom I had never seen before, and he was wearing all black, with curly black hair and olive toned skin. He said to me in an anxious, nervous tone: “I have been waiting for so long, to go through that door! Thank you, thank you.” and he rushed through the door after casting it open all the way. The man vanished in a flash of yellow light, yellow light being all I could see beyond the door.
All was black in this place, and featureless, but it was not pitch dark simply misty within that space. A dim radiance emitted from beyond the door, which was seeming to be in the center of the chamber, which itself (the chamber itself that is) appeared fully circular in design... and the door could only be seen from the front. Whenever I tried to step behind it, the door would seem to disappear entirely. I was very alarmed by this! There was a resounding echo whenever I said anything at all. The walls, what I could make out of them, were silver and metallic with strange black designs scrawled across the whole surfaces of them. And there were immense metal columns placed at eight points all about the chamber, with black lines drawn from them, across the floor, to the round dais upon which sat the strange door. Like an eight-pointed star, with the door at its' central hub. There was no other exit from this room but for the door, and so I passed through it, into the yellow light beyond. There was another flash just then!
I was now well back within the world of the living, or so it seemed, but instead of it being springtime like it was when I had first left... it was suddenly the middle of the winter season again, which I found to be alarmingly strange, to say the least. I noticed that I was standing just across the backyard, on the road that runs through the back alley behind the house where my apartment is, my apartment being in a duplex... and the door to my side of the place was just across the backyard, down a small path that runs through the yard and up some steps. That is where I have lived for the past two years with my current partner, Zoey, whose van was still right where it had always been. I then pictured Zoey in my mind, as I looked at her van, feeling completely distracted and lost in the moment... she is quite tall, at least to me, about six feet tall... and she has long brown hair with beautiful eyes of the same color. Very earthy, is her appearance! And she adores wearing the color pink, and other bright and cheerful colors. At times, she could be almost childlike, and that was one of the most endearing things I found that I liked about her. She could cheer me up anytime, with a silly joke or a smile, and since meeting her I no longer felt all alone any longer. She is at least a decade younger than I am... but we never felt like that mattered in the least. We just connected on a deep level... and that was enough for us! I was eager to see her again.
What I saw next horrified me! Zoey was there by the apartment door, looking down at something to the left of the steps. There... I saw that upon the ground was laid a black coffin and Zoey leaned over it, clasped her arms around it tightly, and cried hysterically. And this was what she cried out as she wept: “I am so sorry, honey! I am so sorry that I couldn't give you more in life. You deserved so much more! Oh God, Kara! Why did you have to die on me? Now I'm going to be all alone! All alone! Oh God, no! Oh God! No! Come back! Come back to me Kara! Come back to me!” and that is my name, Kara, the name that I currently go by in life. That was my body inside that coffin, I realized. I was dead... really dead... and they opted to see me buried it seemed. I once thought about cremation, and was surprised to see that this was chosen instead. Burial is so much more expensive, and we were not wealthy people. I looked on the picnic table nearby, and saw an open calendar lying upon its' surface, wet from the snow outside. It was December of 2022... but it had been May of 2021 when I was taken to the worlds below. How much time had passed? At what point, had I died! I would never know. I then tried to put my arms around Zoey to comfort her, I was crying bitterly myself, my lips quivering uncontrollably from grief... but my arms just passed right through her. I was a ghost, a spirit. I had no body any longer. But I still felt grief, still knew pain, still longed to be alive again, to be with Zoey again. And suddenly, there did appear right next to me an exceedingly tall woman dressed in a flowing white gown. She was pale and luminous, with long blonde hair that appeared so light in color it was almost white. And her eyes were filled with green radiance. I recognized her from long ago... like me, she had been known by countless names and wore countless faces down through the ages. We were siblings once upon a time, back in another era of history now long lost. “Samael, sibling beloved...” she said sadly, her voice filled with audible sorrow. “Kara... it is time to go.” and I said to her in reply: “I don't want to go yet! I want to be here, with Zoey. I wasn't ready to die just yet... there is still so much living I wanted to do...” and I was breaking down from my grief, barely able to say another coherent word after that. “Please! Let me live again!” I begged of her at length, and she said to me: “This is the future, Kara... not your present. You can still go back home, it is not too late!” and I asked of her: “How... how did I die? How can I stop this from happening back in the present!” and the angelic woman explained to me: “Do not focus upon the hour of your death, nor the many forms and circumstances under which it can occur! Death comes for all living things sooner or later, and it cannot be halted or bargained with. Know this, though... you can always change things in your life, in your present. The past alone, cannot be altered! And this future, it is but one of many. You have often looked into the future in your prescient moments, sibling beloved... tell me, what did you see when you looked ahead?” And I admitted to her as follows: “I saw countless possible paths, and countless potential futures. And only one path could be chosen, only one outcome out of an infinite number of outcomes! Every living thing must follow its' destined path. But no one can know what that path is, until they begin to walk it.” And the woman said unto me: “You saw truly! In this outcome you just witnessed... in this one single future... you met with a most untimely death, one that you never saw coming, or thought possible to befall you. But befall you it did! And you could not have been watchful for it, for it came suddenly and by surprise.” And, I understood what she was trying to tell me, though she elaborated further to be sure that I comprehended all... “That is how it always is, with death! But what matters the most, what truly matters... is how we live our lives in the meantime. While one is living, one should waste not even a single minute... for time passes all too quickly when we wish that it would not. I shall soon send you back, into your physical body, as swiftly as I may... for it waits for you back in the world of the living, in your correct present. In the meantime, let us go and leave this mournful scene behind us. There is a bit more that you need to bear witness to, but it lies in another place back in your correct present. Close your eyes, the eyes of your astral form, and trust in my light to direct us to where we actually belong. No longer in this place, and no longer in this time!” and I did as the angelic woman bade, trusting in her light indeed. There was a brightness, and we were gone.
I was back in the forest where my journey into the realms of the dead began, and the mysterious glow of the bluish white lamps actually seemed comforting to me after the terrible event I had just witnessed. The old man was still sitting upon his stool, and the angelic woman who was at my side strode over to lay a hand upon him, like someone comforting an ailing friend. “You are well, I trust?” she said to the old man, who replied: “I am well enough, given my age!” and the woman responded to that by saying: “Ah, you lie! For such as we, are ageless no matter how we choose to appear.” and the old man made a grumbling sound as if muttering something under his breath. The woman turned to me, smiling in a far more serene and peaceful way now that we were away from that dark future. She then said: “So... now here we are, having come full circle! The tower is no more, I see.” and I noticed that indeed it was very much gone. I told the woman how it was that the tower came to be destroyed. She laughed a bit to hear my tale of how that had transpired. I could hear the sound of animals scurrying about in the underbrush of the woods, and in the distance the calling of an owl echoed through the trees. “This is like old times, is it not?” the woman said to me cheerfully. “Though, these woods are very different from others that we have met in. And my crows and ravens are nowhere to be seen!” and indeed she was correct about that... for whatever birds it was that made their songs in the night of that domain, there were no crows or ravens to be heard among their number. The old man then began to speak, his voice gruff but with a certain kindliness to it. He said: “You were called here to receive certain blessings from the Loa, and indeed you have received them well! By the great grace of Ghede Nibo and others who rule here, you were shown boundless love and comfort, and even got to spend some time with one you had loved in the past who passed from life into the Loa's care. This was good for the both of you to experience! And you now understand better, the importance of enjoying life, knowing too how brief it can be and how certain death is for all, even one such as yourself. There is but one final thing that remains to be done, and you may return to your body once again, to savor life as never before!” and as he stated this, a stone structure rose up from the ground next to him. The angelic woman moved out of its' way as it did so. It was an ancient stone altar with four raised sections atop it. On the ground in front of the altar appeared four small pyramid-shaped objects large enough to be held in the palm of one's hand. Upon each one, was inscribed a symbol corresponding to one of the four cardinal elements. Earth, Air, Water, and Fire. I placed them upon the altar, each upon one of the four sections meant for it, from left to right, in the order I just listed. Transparent domes formed over each of the objects, and the domes filled with light, each light bearing a color corresponding to its' correct element. Green for Earth, white for Air, blue for Water, and red for Fire. The old man appeared extremely pleased, and the angelic woman said unto me when this task was, at last, completed: “Well done! We shall waste no more time here... do you know why there were only four elements to be placed upon the altar? It is because Spirit, which is the fifth of the five cardinal elements, is a part of all things, for all things possess a spirit in some form or another. In placing the other four, you yourself represented the fifth. And in that representation, you gave life to the other four, which otherwise would have been inert. Nothing may remain inert indefinitely, so long as there is Spirit to animate it. And so... let your own spirit shine brightly in all that you do! Bring life to your every creation in life, and bring joy to all who love you and all whom you love. This is the task of all who live, though not all who live are able to carry out that task well. Some fall to darkness and they become as inert as were those pyramid stones before you placed them upon the altar. Some people you may help, and they may find their way, their own spirits glowing brightly with light from within... but you cannot place them where they are meant to be as you did those stones. They must, in the end, find their place in destiny for themselves... and all you can do, is guide whoever you may. Those who are meant to listen will, and those who are meant not to, will not. Remember my words, and be well!” And thick mists closed in, followed by a certain brilliant radiance. When my vision cleared... I was at home, in my correct present, standing before my altar. I set about to live... as I had never lived before.
Published 30th May 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 0
reading list entries 0
comments 0
reads 227
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
