deepundergroundpoetry.com
Facade
Wrap around ivory
Tusk like bones,
Cracking open like
Theatre curtains -
In the great reveal.
Chattering teeth,
Dead men telling no
Tales but dancing
In mad cadences
Across forests with
Gnarled, leafless
Sticks over stones.
Oh how we could
Just get lost in a
heart, turned…
Inside out
Published 26th May 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 1
comments 9
reads 445
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th May 2023 7:45am
26th May 2022 5:04pm
<< post removed >>
26th May 2022 8:47pm
Amazing synchronicity
amongst the gnomes & elfin folk... :p
Liking this song R...
About to write to it...
:)))
Thank you muchly...
amongst the gnomes & elfin folk... :p
Liking this song R...
About to write to it...
:)))
Thank you muchly...
26th May 2022 9:02pm
26th May 2022 7:25pm
26th May 2022 8:48pm
Anonymous
- Edited 26th May 2022 10:12pm
26th May 2022 8:57pm
Enjoyed this piece just had a bit of a hiccup here
In the great reveal.
Chattering teeth,
Dead men telling no
Tales but dancing
I think this could be made more immediate by changing the lines
Dead men telling no
Tales but dancing
To
Dead men tell no tales
But dance
In the great reveal.
Chattering teeth,
Dead men telling no
Tales but dancing
I think this could be made more immediate by changing the lines
Dead men telling no
Tales but dancing
To
Dead men tell no tales
But dance
26th May 2022 9:49pm
I think that the gerunds work
better to establish movement in the present tense...
As well as intended psychological state...
better to establish movement in the present tense...
As well as intended psychological state...
Anonymous
26th May 2022 9:53pm
Probably just a me thing, normally is 😅
I think I like the sound of dance and mad in the following stanza sonically.
But I do like the writing!
And it’s your poem I just had a personal hiccup
Thanks for the response, your reasoning makes sense
Regards
I think I like the sound of dance and mad in the following stanza sonically.
But I do like the writing!
And it’s your poem I just had a personal hiccup
Thanks for the response, your reasoning makes sense
Regards
26th May 2022 10:04pm
It is so cool to consider
the seemingly unlimited combinations...
Amongst the cipher wheel...
I really appreciate you looking into
it so deeply and offering these constructive suggestions...
It means a lot to me.
the seemingly unlimited combinations...
Amongst the cipher wheel...
I really appreciate you looking into
it so deeply and offering these constructive suggestions...
It means a lot to me.
