deepundergroundpoetry.com
Imbibing The Medicated State Of Mind
Should I believe in the morality of grey areas and nuanced reasons, or should I
tear it down in a fire of my own
cognitive dissonance?
let thoughts fight to the death on a
chess board that doesn't think
in black and white squares.
I ask alcohol what she thinks...
sit
Find revelry in
swilling problems around
manmade ice while
pouring my life into millimetres of glass.
the buzz in my brain speaks loud and incessant
“checkmate mother fucker,”
then, “look up,“
I stare at the ceiling
wonder if God knows I’m not really bulletproof.
I wonder if the guy three stools down
would be impressed at my existential
problem solving.
I wonder If setting the night on fire
is better than this ache...
Reality is
I just want to fuck the barmaid,
forget that I’m nothing more
than a drunk,
a hairless ape
with an inflated sense of wisdom...
A slur of words
measures the fading
altitude of my ability to measure heights.
At least the beer is cold.
Its effect warm
so I don’t shiver when I confront
things I failed to drown.
Memories dart up unbidden,
the way a spray of blood would
skitter across the bar top.
(seen it all before, maybe want to see it again)
I wonder how that guy’s teeth will feel
when the impact rattles up my wrist,
into my elbow, recoils in my shoulder
to shatter a silent evening
of morose toasting.
A thought stays my hand
springing from places unbidden,
the hidden things only revealed
when we douse scrambled thoughts
in something to make them less concrete,
curls itself around my clenched fist
steadies the shaking,
a blue iris and tears
realizing
I love you the way dark things demand to be loved:
in silence,
in a swirl of depravity that tastes like sepia.
As if the necessity for darkness
is less a design flaw
more a flame that needs gasoline.
I toast shadows
that writhe behind your eyes,
pour what’s left of me into
a plastic cup
and await the inevitable.
tear it down in a fire of my own
cognitive dissonance?
let thoughts fight to the death on a
chess board that doesn't think
in black and white squares.
I ask alcohol what she thinks...
sit
Find revelry in
swilling problems around
manmade ice while
pouring my life into millimetres of glass.
the buzz in my brain speaks loud and incessant
“checkmate mother fucker,”
then, “look up,“
I stare at the ceiling
wonder if God knows I’m not really bulletproof.
I wonder if the guy three stools down
would be impressed at my existential
problem solving.
I wonder If setting the night on fire
is better than this ache...
Reality is
I just want to fuck the barmaid,
forget that I’m nothing more
than a drunk,
a hairless ape
with an inflated sense of wisdom...
A slur of words
measures the fading
altitude of my ability to measure heights.
At least the beer is cold.
Its effect warm
so I don’t shiver when I confront
things I failed to drown.
Memories dart up unbidden,
the way a spray of blood would
skitter across the bar top.
(seen it all before, maybe want to see it again)
I wonder how that guy’s teeth will feel
when the impact rattles up my wrist,
into my elbow, recoils in my shoulder
to shatter a silent evening
of morose toasting.
A thought stays my hand
springing from places unbidden,
the hidden things only revealed
when we douse scrambled thoughts
in something to make them less concrete,
curls itself around my clenched fist
steadies the shaking,
a blue iris and tears
realizing
I love you the way dark things demand to be loved:
in silence,
in a swirl of depravity that tastes like sepia.
As if the necessity for darkness
is less a design flaw
more a flame that needs gasoline.
I toast shadows
that writhe behind your eyes,
pour what’s left of me into
a plastic cup
and await the inevitable.
Published 24th May 2022
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 6
reads 211
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
- Edited 29th May 2023 7:45am
24th May 2022 6:39am
<< post removed >>
24th May 2022 9:10am
Thanks for the kind comment. I’ll be over to read and comment on your stuff soon
24th May 2022 7:58am
Hello there and welcome to DU. I hope
You find all that you are looking for here.
I really enjoyed the gritty introspection here. It was very relatable in the sense that we all get these random thoughts from time to time. Turning them here into a work of introspection does work well here.
I like the first person narrative here as well which carried the whole poem through in a way that keeps the reader focussed until the end of the poem.
In terms of honest critique.. I feel that the first stanza is a lot more “flowery” compared to the rest of the poem. I think if you were to start the poem on stanza 2, it would continue that strong gritty voice in a much more fluid way.
Only a thought on reading of course, and you don’t have to listen to it :)
All in all I really enjoyed the voice of this piece. Thank you for sharing it.
-M
You find all that you are looking for here.
I really enjoyed the gritty introspection here. It was very relatable in the sense that we all get these random thoughts from time to time. Turning them here into a work of introspection does work well here.
I like the first person narrative here as well which carried the whole poem through in a way that keeps the reader focussed until the end of the poem.
In terms of honest critique.. I feel that the first stanza is a lot more “flowery” compared to the rest of the poem. I think if you were to start the poem on stanza 2, it would continue that strong gritty voice in a much more fluid way.
Only a thought on reading of course, and you don’t have to listen to it :)
All in all I really enjoyed the voice of this piece. Thank you for sharing it.
-M
24th May 2022 8:45am
“In terms of honest critique.. I feel that the first stanza is a lot more “flowery” compared to the rest of the poem. I think if you were to start the poem on stanza 2, it would continue that strong gritty voice in a much more fluid way.”
Thank you for the kind welcome and the honest critique, it’s refreshing.
also you were kind enough to not ding the ego too much 😁
I had reservations about the pre-amble I was hoping to convey a sense of sober then dwindling into drunker and drunker, but I can see now that you’ve pointed it out how it doesn’t quite mesh with the grit in the rest.
Thanks for your time and the honesty
Thank you for the kind welcome and the honest critique, it’s refreshing.
also you were kind enough to not ding the ego too much 😁
I had reservations about the pre-amble I was hoping to convey a sense of sober then dwindling into drunker and drunker, but I can see now that you’ve pointed it out how it doesn’t quite mesh with the grit in the rest.
Thanks for your time and the honesty
2nd Jun 2022 10:22pm
This is such a strong piece, and so many little vignettes that carry the reader from beginning to end, with both feeling and imagery.
Taking a look at the first section, which mentions the chess board, and sets up checkmate later, though checkmate could stand on its own if the reference were cut, as it's widely understood. I like the thoughts in the first section, and wonder if it could be tightened up a bit.
------
Should I believe in the morality of grey areas and nuanced reasons, or should I
tear it down in a fire of my own
cognitive dissonance?
------
My suggestion would be something more like this:
Should I believe in the morality of grey areas
or burn them down in a fire of cognitive dissonance?
"my own" isn't necessary, that's implied. If it's a fire, burn seems like a better option than tear, and "them" seems more apt than "it" if you're talking about the "areas" and "reasons" (if you keep "and nuanced reasons"
----
let thoughts fight to the death on a
chess board that doesn't think
in black and white squares.
----
Maybe "force thoughts to fight" or something similar that's less passive that "let"
That section particularly drew my attention because of the earlier commentary.
-----
Find revelry in
swilling problems around
-----
Is Find meant to be capitalized, here? And I wonder if revery might be a better word, as revelry feels a bit too festive for this
Just wanted to share a few little things that rattled around in my head while reading.
Taking a look at the first section, which mentions the chess board, and sets up checkmate later, though checkmate could stand on its own if the reference were cut, as it's widely understood. I like the thoughts in the first section, and wonder if it could be tightened up a bit.
------
Should I believe in the morality of grey areas and nuanced reasons, or should I
tear it down in a fire of my own
cognitive dissonance?
------
My suggestion would be something more like this:
Should I believe in the morality of grey areas
or burn them down in a fire of cognitive dissonance?
"my own" isn't necessary, that's implied. If it's a fire, burn seems like a better option than tear, and "them" seems more apt than "it" if you're talking about the "areas" and "reasons" (if you keep "and nuanced reasons"
----
let thoughts fight to the death on a
chess board that doesn't think
in black and white squares.
----
Maybe "force thoughts to fight" or something similar that's less passive that "let"
That section particularly drew my attention because of the earlier commentary.
-----
Find revelry in
swilling problems around
-----
Is Find meant to be capitalized, here? And I wonder if revery might be a better word, as revelry feels a bit too festive for this
Just wanted to share a few little things that rattled around in my head while reading.
2nd Jun 2022 10:57pm
Thanks Paper,
That’s significantly better than anything I’ve been able to come up with and I’ve been thinking on it since Northern posted her critique,
Thank you for the look in and the honesty
Will probably adopt some of your suggestions and play around with it a bit more
That’s significantly better than anything I’ve been able to come up with and I’ve been thinking on it since Northern posted her critique,
Thank you for the look in and the honesty
Will probably adopt some of your suggestions and play around with it a bit more
