deepundergroundpoetry.com
Abra in Africa
Many thanks for your highly generous offer re: funding of the promotional tour.
Will be arriving Yeoville, Tuesday 24th with full entourage. Remainder of trip to be completed on unicycles as per contract.
I trust all our special dietary requirements will be covered including copious fresh shrimp for the two red lipped batfish.
Can you guarantee adequate security or should we pack flak jackets?
May 17
Disturbing news.
Pilot and co pilot stricken with amoebic dysentery mid-flight forcing diversion to Hosea Kutako. Red lipped bat fish not happy with quality of Namibian shrimp and Mrs Abra involved in fracas at customs. Ugly scenes after two of the unicyles went missing. Entire party now facing quarantine. Please advise Cyril Ramaphosa's office we are delayed. Imperative initial contact established before the Germans arrive on the 24th.
Ps cheque still not cleared.
May 18
Managed to slip through customs cordon at dawn after bribing guard with pocketwatch and Mrs A's i-phone. Have decided to head East although entire party 'babbelas' after Namibian vino experiment.
The red lipped batfish will be on dried shrimp ration until Botswana border where my hope is they can feast on mophane worms.
Google reassures me almost no 'robots' to hold us up enroute but potholes extremely hazardous for our remaining unicyles.
1100 km in a week is cutting things fine for the 24th so I urge you to be ready to quit your pozzy and take my place in Pretoria should we fail to arrive.
I know the peyote harvest on the Cape is in full swing but we must confound the Teutons at all costs.
Multiple intelligence sources indicate they plan to unleash a diabolical poetry offensive which includes repetitive use of a series of sixty three letter words.
The future of poetry as we know it rests in our hands.
Ps cheque still not cleared
May 19
With overwhelming sadness I have to inform you that the two weakest members of our party have met with an untimely demise.
As you know the red lipped batfish were already on short rations.
Overnight they became ravenous, mistaking the Grand-Pa powders I purchased at the garage shop for dried shrimp and wolfed down all 38 at one sitting with fatal results.
They were buried this morning in a clearing a mile inside the Botswana border their bodies draped in the Galapagos flag, following full unicycle salute.
I'm convinced they are now at peace in Batfish heaven and certain their sacrifice and courage on our journey thus far will never be forgotten, their souls immortalised within the annals of poetic history.
We are all shaken, but 'now-now' more determined than ever to complete our mission. Mrs A's phone withdrawal symptoms appear to be slowly abating at the prospect of milk tart and freshly fried doughnuts.
Ps Alas, my bitcoin account is currently beyond 40 below. Could your cheque have been trampled underfoot, rendering payee name illegible? Suggest cancellation and reissue.
May 20
This uneasy silence does not bode well.
I fear all is lost if you have been abducted by an advance guard of Teuton poetry fanatics.
It now seems most unlikely we will make the 24th after scrambling our bearings during ferocious dust storms while crossing the Botty salt flats.
Navigation almost impossible without pocketwatch, suspension on unicyles is almost shot and underwear badly shredded.
Currently wilderness camped beneath star spectacular at Kubu Island but like the moon morale sinking fast.
Mrs A still refusing to take the bus and demands a launderette so I seriously fear for our mission's timely resolution and can trust no-one from this point on.
I also worry our exchanges are being intercepted by DUP poetry moles disguised as emo-Teuton rappers.
We can not underestimate them as they run an elaborate communications network using Bavarian hilltop villages capable of beaming stanzas into space, plus they are highly trained in sophisticated infiltration techniques.
Every elephant herd we encounter from here on may include one of their spies. No rhino is beyond suspicion.
With this in mind it would be prudent to encode your future correspondence using Proto-Elamite script combined with random iambic pentameter.
After resting, we shall strike camp and head directly for Limpopo for a long overdue shower at the falls (a detour in relation to Pretoria I know, but Mrs A says she is taken by the name).
She may have a point as I have no wish to limp along Fairview Avenue and up the Union building steps in our current state of disarray.
Ps penultimate strip of half chewed biltong now significantly thinner and still no sign of nice fat checky-wecky....
Will be arriving Yeoville, Tuesday 24th with full entourage. Remainder of trip to be completed on unicycles as per contract.
I trust all our special dietary requirements will be covered including copious fresh shrimp for the two red lipped batfish.
Can you guarantee adequate security or should we pack flak jackets?
May 17
Disturbing news.
Pilot and co pilot stricken with amoebic dysentery mid-flight forcing diversion to Hosea Kutako. Red lipped bat fish not happy with quality of Namibian shrimp and Mrs Abra involved in fracas at customs. Ugly scenes after two of the unicyles went missing. Entire party now facing quarantine. Please advise Cyril Ramaphosa's office we are delayed. Imperative initial contact established before the Germans arrive on the 24th.
Ps cheque still not cleared.
May 18
Managed to slip through customs cordon at dawn after bribing guard with pocketwatch and Mrs A's i-phone. Have decided to head East although entire party 'babbelas' after Namibian vino experiment.
The red lipped batfish will be on dried shrimp ration until Botswana border where my hope is they can feast on mophane worms.
Google reassures me almost no 'robots' to hold us up enroute but potholes extremely hazardous for our remaining unicyles.
1100 km in a week is cutting things fine for the 24th so I urge you to be ready to quit your pozzy and take my place in Pretoria should we fail to arrive.
I know the peyote harvest on the Cape is in full swing but we must confound the Teutons at all costs.
Multiple intelligence sources indicate they plan to unleash a diabolical poetry offensive which includes repetitive use of a series of sixty three letter words.
The future of poetry as we know it rests in our hands.
Ps cheque still not cleared
May 19
With overwhelming sadness I have to inform you that the two weakest members of our party have met with an untimely demise.
As you know the red lipped batfish were already on short rations.
Overnight they became ravenous, mistaking the Grand-Pa powders I purchased at the garage shop for dried shrimp and wolfed down all 38 at one sitting with fatal results.
They were buried this morning in a clearing a mile inside the Botswana border their bodies draped in the Galapagos flag, following full unicycle salute.
I'm convinced they are now at peace in Batfish heaven and certain their sacrifice and courage on our journey thus far will never be forgotten, their souls immortalised within the annals of poetic history.
We are all shaken, but 'now-now' more determined than ever to complete our mission. Mrs A's phone withdrawal symptoms appear to be slowly abating at the prospect of milk tart and freshly fried doughnuts.
Ps Alas, my bitcoin account is currently beyond 40 below. Could your cheque have been trampled underfoot, rendering payee name illegible? Suggest cancellation and reissue.
May 20
This uneasy silence does not bode well.
I fear all is lost if you have been abducted by an advance guard of Teuton poetry fanatics.
It now seems most unlikely we will make the 24th after scrambling our bearings during ferocious dust storms while crossing the Botty salt flats.
Navigation almost impossible without pocketwatch, suspension on unicyles is almost shot and underwear badly shredded.
Currently wilderness camped beneath star spectacular at Kubu Island but like the moon morale sinking fast.
Mrs A still refusing to take the bus and demands a launderette so I seriously fear for our mission's timely resolution and can trust no-one from this point on.
I also worry our exchanges are being intercepted by DUP poetry moles disguised as emo-Teuton rappers.
We can not underestimate them as they run an elaborate communications network using Bavarian hilltop villages capable of beaming stanzas into space, plus they are highly trained in sophisticated infiltration techniques.
Every elephant herd we encounter from here on may include one of their spies. No rhino is beyond suspicion.
With this in mind it would be prudent to encode your future correspondence using Proto-Elamite script combined with random iambic pentameter.
After resting, we shall strike camp and head directly for Limpopo for a long overdue shower at the falls (a detour in relation to Pretoria I know, but Mrs A says she is taken by the name).
She may have a point as I have no wish to limp along Fairview Avenue and up the Union building steps in our current state of disarray.
Ps penultimate strip of half chewed biltong now significantly thinner and still no sign of nice fat checky-wecky....
Published 21st May 2022
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Anonymous
21st May 2022 10:07am
Yep…. Africa’s about to lose his mind in 3….2…..1…. 🤣
Thanks for the laughs you two ☺️
-M
Thanks for the laughs you two ☺️
-M
Dear Sir,
You hadn't known the worst of it! I tell you, you hadn't known.
I took a quick trip to Antarctica, the premise was good, but technically the worst decision ever. The intention was to pick up some Kiwa tyleri, for those lipstick donning, bat fish of yours. I really wanted to save them. I was furthermore told by Samsung that this was the location of the Anti-66790 SE Smart phone, the most robust large screen smart phone on the market. You can imagine that I believed picking up the perfect phone for Mrs. A and the best possible crab for the pet fish, would be a win win. Whilst the trip there was not bad at all. On my arrival I was abducted by emo Eskimo poets, who kidnapped my syllables! They held them ransom; expecting a massive twenty million rand for their return.
In trying to get assistance from Brixton Murder & Robbery, we found out that checks have been cancelled throughout the globe, and that we indeed could not pay they Eskimo pirates for our syllables. Well what a absolute disaster, in turn we had to make arrangements with ministers in South African to erect a twenty million rand flag pole (for paperwork purposes) so that we could successfully send the ransom and finally get the safe return of my syllables. On return we found out that the cunning Eskimo's had kept one syllable and as such I am forever going to be one syllable short of a lyric!
I think your concerns regarding correspondence, being intercepted by DUP poetry moles disguised as emo-Teuton rappers, is extremely valid. I have noticed that there has been inconsistencies in our direct conversations. I'm wondering if they work for the poetic Eskimos? I remember a time when they cut every possible piece of skin they could find. So it does seem quite likely. It was for this reason that I sent a Northern Soul ahead of me in this correspondence, to ensure that the Morse code could be translated via super, mega pint, blockchain technology before being converted to pixels. (Be aware, it seems they are everywhere).
I am on my way to Pretoria Boys High, where Elon Musk went to school, as we speak to find out if there anything at all we can do about the stanza's that have beamed into space. I see a possibility that with some smart satellite work we may be able to reflect them back to earth (albeit, a syllable short of a lyric).
Elephants and Rhinos are dangerous creatures, they have been known to use a aphrodisiac, produced through their horns for some awful atrocities. If you intend to trust any wild life at all, trust lions. But never a elephant or rhino. The ass depends on that! Especially if in Limpopo, where there vast open areas of wild bushveld. (I have arranged for a Ostrich egg to be left in the center of the rugby field at Peter Mokaba Stadium, where great rugby is played. The team is "Blue Bulls" not "Blue Balls" so no need to worry. In the egg you will find blue notes, that have Nelson Mandela's face on them. I decided cash is king, as the cryptocurrency seems as redundant as the check!
In the mean time, Jesta has rushed off to Caribbean islands, her intention is to resolve the launderettes issue with some decent coral reef and some clear water, that excludes typhoid. She should return soon.
Incidentally, I think we need to note, that the pot-hole patrol have achieved nothing, due to the continual "load-shedding". I think this won't bode well for unicycles, I was wondering how you felt about juggling?
Kind Regards
Al & Team
P.S. Our team has every reason to believe that a German poetry thief has infiltrated the extremely high Thawte security system, worse still we think they have got away having stolen one of your poems?
You hadn't known the worst of it! I tell you, you hadn't known.
I took a quick trip to Antarctica, the premise was good, but technically the worst decision ever. The intention was to pick up some Kiwa tyleri, for those lipstick donning, bat fish of yours. I really wanted to save them. I was furthermore told by Samsung that this was the location of the Anti-66790 SE Smart phone, the most robust large screen smart phone on the market. You can imagine that I believed picking up the perfect phone for Mrs. A and the best possible crab for the pet fish, would be a win win. Whilst the trip there was not bad at all. On my arrival I was abducted by emo Eskimo poets, who kidnapped my syllables! They held them ransom; expecting a massive twenty million rand for their return.
In trying to get assistance from Brixton Murder & Robbery, we found out that checks have been cancelled throughout the globe, and that we indeed could not pay they Eskimo pirates for our syllables. Well what a absolute disaster, in turn we had to make arrangements with ministers in South African to erect a twenty million rand flag pole (for paperwork purposes) so that we could successfully send the ransom and finally get the safe return of my syllables. On return we found out that the cunning Eskimo's had kept one syllable and as such I am forever going to be one syllable short of a lyric!
I think your concerns regarding correspondence, being intercepted by DUP poetry moles disguised as emo-Teuton rappers, is extremely valid. I have noticed that there has been inconsistencies in our direct conversations. I'm wondering if they work for the poetic Eskimos? I remember a time when they cut every possible piece of skin they could find. So it does seem quite likely. It was for this reason that I sent a Northern Soul ahead of me in this correspondence, to ensure that the Morse code could be translated via super, mega pint, blockchain technology before being converted to pixels. (Be aware, it seems they are everywhere).
I am on my way to Pretoria Boys High, where Elon Musk went to school, as we speak to find out if there anything at all we can do about the stanza's that have beamed into space. I see a possibility that with some smart satellite work we may be able to reflect them back to earth (albeit, a syllable short of a lyric).
Elephants and Rhinos are dangerous creatures, they have been known to use a aphrodisiac, produced through their horns for some awful atrocities. If you intend to trust any wild life at all, trust lions. But never a elephant or rhino. The ass depends on that! Especially if in Limpopo, where there vast open areas of wild bushveld. (I have arranged for a Ostrich egg to be left in the center of the rugby field at Peter Mokaba Stadium, where great rugby is played. The team is "Blue Bulls" not "Blue Balls" so no need to worry. In the egg you will find blue notes, that have Nelson Mandela's face on them. I decided cash is king, as the cryptocurrency seems as redundant as the check!
In the mean time, Jesta has rushed off to Caribbean islands, her intention is to resolve the launderettes issue with some decent coral reef and some clear water, that excludes typhoid. She should return soon.
Incidentally, I think we need to note, that the pot-hole patrol have achieved nothing, due to the continual "load-shedding". I think this won't bode well for unicycles, I was wondering how you felt about juggling?
Kind Regards
Al & Team
P.S. Our team has every reason to believe that a German poetry thief has infiltrated the extremely high Thawte security system, worse still we think they have got away having stolen one of your poems?
An Ode To Hidden Iambic Pentameter.
My keen Bat Fish, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you sleep, swim and dive,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the active jive.
Let me compare you to a tiny tune?
You are more handsome and energetic
Fair sun heats the hansom peaches of June,
And summertime has the general anesthetic.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your briny Face, Water and face.
Thinking of your pale Water fills my days.
My love for you is the attractive bass.
Now I must away with a piney heart,
Remember my square words whilst we're apart.
My keen Bat Fish, you inspire me to write.
How I love the way you sleep, swim and dive,
Invading my mind day and through the night,
Always dreaming about the active jive.
Let me compare you to a tiny tune?
You are more handsome and energetic
Fair sun heats the hansom peaches of June,
And summertime has the general anesthetic.
How do I love you? Let me count the ways.
I love your briny Face, Water and face.
Thinking of your pale Water fills my days.
My love for you is the attractive bass.
Now I must away with a piney heart,
Remember my square words whilst we're apart.
23rd May 2022 10:21am
A - Encrypted Set Of Communications For The Germans Are Coming!
Suggested for the 24th
https://www.historytoday.com/sites/default/files/elamite.jpg
@$%*#[--}[888**^^7&*]
Suggested for the 24th
https://www.historytoday.com/sites/default/files/elamite.jpg
@$%*#[--}[888**^^7&*]
Ali-stare Aloo-ishus Plint aka Rev-Al you stand before me hereby accused of maliciously omitting hyphens from your name in order to befuddle unsuspecting readers.
At a previous hearing you admitted impersonating a member of the cloth after dark in the Long Street district of Cape Town plus numerous offences of exotic fish smuggling upon the high seas without Ministry permission.
I must warn you now that if you fail to mend the error of your ways the consequences are likely to be most severe.
If you have no regard for your own destiny then I urge you to think of the fourteen children whom you will be depriving of their father, your three wives, two boyfriends and the cleaning lady from Nyanga who depends on you to feed her own family.
You may have no illusions, further transgressions are bound to attract a heavy custodial sentence.
At a previous hearing you admitted impersonating a member of the cloth after dark in the Long Street district of Cape Town plus numerous offences of exotic fish smuggling upon the high seas without Ministry permission.
I must warn you now that if you fail to mend the error of your ways the consequences are likely to be most severe.
If you have no regard for your own destiny then I urge you to think of the fourteen children whom you will be depriving of their father, your three wives, two boyfriends and the cleaning lady from Nyanga who depends on you to feed her own family.
You may have no illusions, further transgressions are bound to attract a heavy custodial sentence.
23rd May 2022 4:05pm
Ahhh!
Hat tip at you, oh magical chant of healing powers! The hyphen is omission from birth, that somehow was mislaid between the back of a packet 30's and the birth certificate.
It was omitted by officials at the department of home affairs when I was indeed 3 days old. Thus sadly the correct legal spelling of such is the wonderful pun upon the word revolutional. Thank you for noticing that!
other offences however, I plead guilty, your honor! I have indeed made those atrocities and was indeed found guilty in a great gorilla court!
I appreciate your understanding that once tried and found guilty, a second case would be most unusual in the normal course of law.
that said...
I must enquire to this magic that you elude and wonder whether "witchcraft" has ever been added to your resume?
Al -
Hat tip at you, oh magical chant of healing powers! The hyphen is omission from birth, that somehow was mislaid between the back of a packet 30's and the birth certificate.
It was omitted by officials at the department of home affairs when I was indeed 3 days old. Thus sadly the correct legal spelling of such is the wonderful pun upon the word revolutional. Thank you for noticing that!
other offences however, I plead guilty, your honor! I have indeed made those atrocities and was indeed found guilty in a great gorilla court!
I appreciate your understanding that once tried and found guilty, a second case would be most unusual in the normal course of law.
that said...
I must enquire to this magic that you elude and wonder whether "witchcraft" has ever been added to your resume?
Al -
Hi have the most awful story to relate.
we were in the process of a fire drill.
and the bloody chef, set the kitchen the alight
I don't know hoe to tell you this,
but a head of the German cats coming
I was hit on the head with frying pan
and am currently in hospital
with a bump on the head
ooh goodness! It just won't stop.
P.S we can't confirm, be we are we are sure we saw a German Poet this morning, and we are still short, I think you're missing a poem.
Oh goodness!
we were in the process of a fire drill.
and the bloody chef, set the kitchen the alight
I don't know hoe to tell you this,
but a head of the German cats coming
I was hit on the head with frying pan
and am currently in hospital
with a bump on the head
ooh goodness! It just won't stop.
P.S we can't confirm, be we are we are sure we saw a German Poet this morning, and we are still short, I think you're missing a poem.
Oh goodness!
23rd May 2022 4:57pm
Don't you people realise cats are starving all over this planet.
Fish filchers like you are the cause of untold hardship on a grandiose scale.
As treasurer for the Ban the Dried Catfood Brigade I would like to remind everyone
that the notorious Reverend Al was born with an extra toe on both feet
which he uses to bound skywards and make good his escape when threatened.
He must be tethered at all times. Do not trust trust his silken words.
He is no stranger to life behind bars. We have high resolution pictures of his bedroom window.
After years on the run he remains on the wanted list for industrial scale kipper poaching from inside Ecuadorian waters and is suspected of groping carp, tench and barbel by the canal at Chester-le-Street.
All donations to BDCB gratefully received.
Fish filchers like you are the cause of untold hardship on a grandiose scale.
As treasurer for the Ban the Dried Catfood Brigade I would like to remind everyone
that the notorious Reverend Al was born with an extra toe on both feet
which he uses to bound skywards and make good his escape when threatened.
He must be tethered at all times. Do not trust trust his silken words.
He is no stranger to life behind bars. We have high resolution pictures of his bedroom window.
After years on the run he remains on the wanted list for industrial scale kipper poaching from inside Ecuadorian waters and is suspected of groping carp, tench and barbel by the canal at Chester-le-Street.
All donations to BDCB gratefully received.
24th May 2022 8:30am
here kitty, here kitty...
I have some left over, Banded Toadfish, from a recent trip to Ecuador waters... here kitty kitty...
( Please make donations to the SPCA, made out to "An Ostrich Egg, Under Tree 3 On Peter Mokaba Stadium)
here kitty, kitty...
I have some left over, Banded Toadfish, from a recent trip to Ecuador waters... here kitty kitty...
( Please make donations to the SPCA, made out to "An Ostrich Egg, Under Tree 3 On Peter Mokaba Stadium)
here kitty, kitty...
The BDCB note your offer of the highly poisonous banded toadfish with interest.
It is clearly a heinous assassination attempt and will be reported as such to the authorities.
We are also dismayed at your disturbing obsession with ostrich eggs which you claim to have secreted in playing fields all over Southern Africa. They are no doubt crammed with crypto currency concealed amongst illicit fish bones.
As I write our brave drone surveillance kittens are flying fearlessly to ensure these locations will be pinpointed in the dossier we are preparing for SA revenue inspectors to peruse.
For too long cats everywhere have endured unimaginable hardship and abject suffering caused by the depletion of global fish stocks at the hands of the notorious Rev-Al corporate network.
To demonstrate our solidarity we are organising an intercontinental group moon howl (dates to be agreed) at the end of next month.
We are also preparing to mobilise the Rhodes Memorial lions to deliver a ton and a half of used cat litter to your offices and will superglue our paws to your trawler fleet unless you agree to immediately end this blatant persecution.
Donations to www.pussypersecution.org
It is clearly a heinous assassination attempt and will be reported as such to the authorities.
We are also dismayed at your disturbing obsession with ostrich eggs which you claim to have secreted in playing fields all over Southern Africa. They are no doubt crammed with crypto currency concealed amongst illicit fish bones.
As I write our brave drone surveillance kittens are flying fearlessly to ensure these locations will be pinpointed in the dossier we are preparing for SA revenue inspectors to peruse.
For too long cats everywhere have endured unimaginable hardship and abject suffering caused by the depletion of global fish stocks at the hands of the notorious Rev-Al corporate network.
To demonstrate our solidarity we are organising an intercontinental group moon howl (dates to be agreed) at the end of next month.
We are also preparing to mobilise the Rhodes Memorial lions to deliver a ton and a half of used cat litter to your offices and will superglue our paws to your trawler fleet unless you agree to immediately end this blatant persecution.
Donations to www.pussypersecution.org
24th May 2022 12:21pm
we have delivered one ostrich egg, full of mangela loot to www.pussypersecution.org.
that is far as we are going with gross, very obvious coruption technique. we are sadly too busy dealing with a fire drill, that became a fire and a bump on the head from a frying pan. this all while the Germans started coming.
that is far as we are going with gross, very obvious coruption technique. we are sadly too busy dealing with a fire drill, that became a fire and a bump on the head from a frying pan. this all while the Germans started coming.
This is no time for your resolve to weaken, Plint.
Gird your poetic loins.
Did the venerable king Goodwill Zwelithini flinch a whisker when faced with hordes of marauding Boers at the battle of Fish River?
Did Napoleon Nkosi tear off his epaulettes in despair and fall on his sword after his exile to Robben Island?
Did Abba give up the ghost when "People Need Love" failed to top the charts in Sweden.
Yet when confronted with the greatest poetry disaster since the Vogon uprising you choose to languish in a hospital bed with partially singed eyebrows and a two inch sticking plaster on your head.
My dreams of our beloved red lipped batfish spearheading a recital to counter the Teuton poetic offensive in Pretoria are clearly in tatters. You were our last hope.
Even now, as the last members of our party are swept down river on the mighty Limpopo, Ramaphosa and Scholz are swapping brown envelopes stuffed with sonnets on their bloodstained carpet.
We have abandoned the last of the unicyles, Mrs A is devastated and refuses to paddle in tandem at night.
Somehow we must rally and direct our efforts towards the G7 summit.
May the Gods of Poetry have mercy on us all.
Gird your poetic loins.
Did the venerable king Goodwill Zwelithini flinch a whisker when faced with hordes of marauding Boers at the battle of Fish River?
Did Napoleon Nkosi tear off his epaulettes in despair and fall on his sword after his exile to Robben Island?
Did Abba give up the ghost when "People Need Love" failed to top the charts in Sweden.
Yet when confronted with the greatest poetry disaster since the Vogon uprising you choose to languish in a hospital bed with partially singed eyebrows and a two inch sticking plaster on your head.
My dreams of our beloved red lipped batfish spearheading a recital to counter the Teuton poetic offensive in Pretoria are clearly in tatters. You were our last hope.
Even now, as the last members of our party are swept down river on the mighty Limpopo, Ramaphosa and Scholz are swapping brown envelopes stuffed with sonnets on their bloodstained carpet.
We have abandoned the last of the unicyles, Mrs A is devastated and refuses to paddle in tandem at night.
Somehow we must rally and direct our efforts towards the G7 summit.
May the Gods of Poetry have mercy on us all.
I have found a witness!
Ohh what a glorious moment!
I have found a witness, that will testify that the wig upon witty-kitty is false, and that is actually puss in boots in disguise! They will further testify that they are indeed a GERMAN! And have prior convictions of stealing syllables! We have been infiltrated Mr Cadabra by a pink haired puss in boots with a poetry vendetta! I'm arranging that Scotland yard search the residence for any missing poems. Wish us luck! Be aware, there are other cats in this place and we have no idea who we can trust! Just earlier today I found one claiming to be Tina Turner's new kidney!
Be wary my friend! Very weary!
There's gotta be a lion around, that can help us, somewhere.
Ohh what a glorious moment!
I have found a witness, that will testify that the wig upon witty-kitty is false, and that is actually puss in boots in disguise! They will further testify that they are indeed a GERMAN! And have prior convictions of stealing syllables! We have been infiltrated Mr Cadabra by a pink haired puss in boots with a poetry vendetta! I'm arranging that Scotland yard search the residence for any missing poems. Wish us luck! Be aware, there are other cats in this place and we have no idea who we can trust! Just earlier today I found one claiming to be Tina Turner's new kidney!
Be wary my friend! Very weary!
There's gotta be a lion around, that can help us, somewhere.
24th May 2022 3:41pm
We have just learned on the Interpoetrypol hot line that Rev-Al has a string of previous convictions in Switzerland for flushing the toilet after 10pm, hiking naked and reciting poetry whilst skiing.
27th May 2022 9:44am
I don't know what to do!
someone is still stealing your poetry.
our investigators are with out any leads!
I don't think it's the Germans either.
What on earth are we going to do!
sleepless night I tell ya, sleepless nights!
someone is still stealing your poetry.
our investigators are with out any leads!
I don't think it's the Germans either.
What on earth are we going to do!
sleepless night I tell ya, sleepless nights!
Don't panic, the plagos have always been sniffing our bums, Reverend.
I stifle a smile every once in a while
when it falls from the poet tree
the oldest chestnut in the universe,
they grab our balls and lick them
just because it's free.
But far more importantly, I hate to hear you're losing all those zzz's.
Might I recommend Insomnia Management Solutions Inc,
who offer the latest state of the art services individually tailored to the sleepless one's needs.
IMS offer a full refund should you fail to achieve a permanent state of sleep following a visit from one of their highly trained snooze consultants.
But don't take my word for it.
You will notice IMS have absolutely no reviews whatsoever on Trust Pilot, which is a clear indication of just how effective their techniques can be.
As I write, as far as I'm aware, every one of their clients is enjoying the permanent benefits of trouble free sleep.
I can safely say with confidence that after just a single IMS visit you will never have to worry about sleep again.
Now I understand that the inflated cost of living , your personal crypto crisis and the recent disastrous kebab shop conflagration may mean you find yourself in an impecunious position at this time.
As a member of a first world nation I feel responsible for the plight of my fellow humans who are less fortunate than myself, so do not be offended or embarrassed if I offer to fund an IMS subscription on your behalf.
All you have to do is give me the nod and I'll pick up the phone.
I stifle a smile every once in a while
when it falls from the poet tree
the oldest chestnut in the universe,
they grab our balls and lick them
just because it's free.
But far more importantly, I hate to hear you're losing all those zzz's.
Might I recommend Insomnia Management Solutions Inc,
who offer the latest state of the art services individually tailored to the sleepless one's needs.
IMS offer a full refund should you fail to achieve a permanent state of sleep following a visit from one of their highly trained snooze consultants.
But don't take my word for it.
You will notice IMS have absolutely no reviews whatsoever on Trust Pilot, which is a clear indication of just how effective their techniques can be.
As I write, as far as I'm aware, every one of their clients is enjoying the permanent benefits of trouble free sleep.
I can safely say with confidence that after just a single IMS visit you will never have to worry about sleep again.
Now I understand that the inflated cost of living , your personal crypto crisis and the recent disastrous kebab shop conflagration may mean you find yourself in an impecunious position at this time.
As a member of a first world nation I feel responsible for the plight of my fellow humans who are less fortunate than myself, so do not be offended or embarrassed if I offer to fund an IMS subscription on your behalf.
All you have to do is give me the nod and I'll pick up the phone.
31st May 2022 2:42pm
Good afternoon Sir,
I have a wonderful suggestion,
I'll swap you, the nod on the great sleep therapy solutions company, Insomnia Management Solutions Inc. For a nod on the offer currently residing in your mailbox, which I had delivered via the South African Post Office, strung to the back of our favorite worm, Dug!
I think a mixture of sleep and airways might be a delightful thought.
;)
I have a wonderful suggestion,
I'll swap you, the nod on the great sleep therapy solutions company, Insomnia Management Solutions Inc. For a nod on the offer currently residing in your mailbox, which I had delivered via the South African Post Office, strung to the back of our favorite worm, Dug!
I think a mixture of sleep and airways might be a delightful thought.
;)
