looking for shadows in a bowl of light

For me  
the art and the occult
have always been inexplicably linked
I remember making a copy  
of a Rosaleen Norton drawing  
when I was 15
to date it's still the best
human figure I've ever drawn
 
I loved Dali's surrealism  
and tried to emulate  
his melting style  
of plain and weird
 
I found peace in the spiritually macabre  
drew cliched gothic emo art
of the young and depressed  
and thought I was edgy  
for daring the darkness to possess me
 
If I'd been impulsive enough
my skin would look like a  
walking occultists lookbook  
of tattooed spiritualism  
but instead  
my carefully considered tattoos  
represent peace and rebellion
which says more about me  
than the fevered enthusiasm  
of my youth  
that cherry picked  
every mythological ideology  
I could sync with  
 
Yet somewhere along the way
I let go of the comforts  
that held me close in the dark
and tried to find lighter things
to ink onto blank pages
like a spiritual anorexic  
imagining a universe  
without dark matter  
because the other higher beings
preferred the light  
 
For me  
the art and the occult
have always been inexplicably linked
and it's sad that I've lost my spirituality
in the age of feel good affirmations
and toxic positivity
when the truth is  
I've always preferred the dark
though my art would tell you otherwise
 
© Indie Adams 2022