utterances

 
I close the door on bad thoughts
angry with their presentation
fueled by hurt I lash out

internal wars, covert engagement
atrocities inflicted on my sacredness
I am cruelest to myself

I look at myself as a misfit with an artistic bent
vicious words animate in the darkness
then dance on my self esteem until I speak them

once the thought is uttered I feel bad
with thoughts of what am I doing?
right or wrong I'm letting the void win
infernal misgivings I don't want to be like that

ugly to the core I pick up the knife and strike
look down at my shirt and see I eviscerated myself
blood pours from the wound
and venom swallows the truth I wished to say