Oil Spill

These voices nitpick at every action I take
Noticing all the imperfections
Noticing all the slights
All the foe paus that I commit on a daily basis
Knowing that I will never be good enough
Words sliding down my cerebral membrane
Clogging any goodness that I have previously seen in myself
Oily in texture filling the gaps of my understanding of why
It’s black as night I see everything and know that
Everyone would be more comfortable were I not there
I don't value the pity that spits in my face
Like a jealous lover that has caught me cheating
Oily substance slipping from my mouth
Tainting every word that I speak with its bittermost taste
I see you looking at me and I see your wheels turning
Gears shifting into Overdrive trying to figure out
The enigma behind my smile
A smile that is meant to uplift but is tainted
With the certainty of doubt
I hear you laughing, and the jokes being told
Knowing that the reference is sitting over here
Waiting for the moment you all point and laugh
At this joke of a person this joke of a life
I wipe this mouth to reveal oily hands
That taint everything that I touch
Causes decomposition of potential friendships
And I can feel this oily substance filling my heart
Which I never even understood was there
I am becoming this vile substance
That should never have existed in the first place
That is why there is no love for me
No one to share my life with
No one to share my bed
No one to share Love’s promised embrace
So I will dig my grave and take my place
At the bottom of these ranks forevermore
Until finally the voices stop and tell me that
They are leaving me too