To S, my greatest accomplishment

No one ever gave me a hand book to motherhood, especially raising a seventeen year old.
I know I mess up, and I cry too much; but I am making this up as I go.
I know that her being gone hurts, and god; it hurts so much.
But you and I are in this together.

I know that I am not your mom, that I am not the one who helped you pick out prom dresses and took you to get starbucks; but I am the one who sits in your bed with you at night sometimes until you fall asleep,
I am the one who makes sure you take your meds.
I am the one who is still here, taking care of you the best way I know how.

No one ever told me that she would do this to us; none of us could have ever seen it coming.
And I know that you are still hurting at night, and god; I am too.
But I am trying my best, I am trying to help you the only way i know how.
.