First and Last

I got drunk and passed out early in my hotel bed
I couldn't pick up the phone to ease the worries in her head
So I must have been cheating, what other reason could there be?
She made up her mind before she'd even spoken to me
The next morning I woke up to the missed calls
Tried to call her back but there was no answer at all
Her mother told me she had overdosed in the night
That she'd called up and spoken of her plight
When I spoke to her at first she was impaired
Then the anger came, she said I'd done this to her

I got drunk that night like so many times before
Not even fully sure how this one came forth
When she came down she tried to tell me she'd been oh so tender
That she was not the aggressor, but the mender
As the tears had rushed uncontrollably from my eyes
I remembered only harshness and felt only lies
After back and forth, her hand had raised to put me in my place
A flash of fury that followed led her to change the pace
She came back with a knife held firmly against her wrist
As if daring me to push her over the precipice

The years between we spent mostly on repeat
The same reasons always came up and never would retreat
My basic functions would cause the pain to stir
It all seems now to have passed by in a blur
Almost as if it all had happened to someone else
But even now it sometimes feels like I'm on eggshells
Couldn't make up half the stories of what ensued
I have to laugh sometimes rather than sit and brood
Now please don't think I'm making light of the situation
I have to at least pretend that I am feeling this elation