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(…)

How could I fail you this way?
Forever and ever, forever and a day
I see you and it makes me want to die
To live beyond your side where I lie.

I need to know if my heart is anything—
And the notes—if you ever heard it sing,
I am destroying you with my need for us
I am blasphemous and I am poisonous
It makes me want to wake a sweet and painful death
Less than I deserve for wasting your breath
On such a scream as you gave me enough
Of what I swore was truly love.

I know I can be a monster in your bed.
O! How it aches and it aches that I said
So many forget me nots in your ears
While you were living all of my fears.
Will you kill me if I beg to forget this place
Of dreams where I see a love without a face.
O! I want to die beautifully, for it hurts me
That now the past is here, and the future deserts me.

I cannot see a life without you by my side—
Even if I could, I would not choose to hide
From this waste-womb of births in Hell
Or the tolling, the tolling of the bell
That speaks of an end desired in pain
Rather than to walk alone again.

© 2021 Marten Hoyle