Inner anxiety

So mixed up, so messed up ,
So broken inside.
Existing , not living...
Like a part of me died.
Not sure where im going...
I don't like where I've been.
I can't chance it , too risky.
I can't do this again.
So shattered,  so mangled..
So torn apart.  
Yet still so full of love ..
Inside this broken heart.  
Daydreams and memories,
Of  a life full of hope  .
Yet running on empty,  
From a lifetime on dope.  
Nights are so lonely,
And the days are so long.
Time isn't healing because
The pain is so strong  .
Chaos and confusion..
Thoughts race thru my head.  
The sound of you laughing,
Something funny you said.  

Remembering is torture ,
It fills me w pain.
Its just too much to fathom
And im going insane.