deepundergroundpoetry.com
Circles
One more day.
Just hours old, but
Sleepless weeks have made it weary.
Has it really just begun?
Still the sun rises.
Restlessness.
Losing the fight
But can't give up.
Try to forget, though always aware;
No rest now as pain blurs dreams.
Feeling, denying, pretending.
Striving, grasping, falling.
So much to feel
That time slows down.
Crushing intensity of thoughts
Hurts all over. Emotions strong;
Expression fails. They're
Locked inside.
Striving, grasping, fallen.
Almost restored; never the same.
Battle scars are reminders of
Emotional surgery
Needed to bring change;
Caused by change.
Just hours old, but
Sleepless weeks have made it weary.
Has it really just begun?
Still the sun rises.
Restlessness.
Losing the fight
But can't give up.
Try to forget, though always aware;
No rest now as pain blurs dreams.
Feeling, denying, pretending.
Striving, grasping, falling.
So much to feel
That time slows down.
Crushing intensity of thoughts
Hurts all over. Emotions strong;
Expression fails. They're
Locked inside.
Striving, grasping, fallen.
Almost restored; never the same.
Battle scars are reminders of
Emotional surgery
Needed to bring change;
Caused by change.
Published 2nd Aug 2021
Author's Note
I wrote this about 20 years ago and am still pretty pleased with it. Would like to know whether it is actually any good or not though.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 511
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
2nd Aug 2021 8:37pm
Anonymous
2nd Aug 2021 10:26pm
Hey there.
I think ‘good’ is very subjective. I utterly refuse to give feedback on classic poetic form, because I’m of that firm belief that it is not the most important part of the poem. It’s whether a poem speaks directly from the poet — that’s what I always look for.
What poetry is to me, is expression and feeling and speaking a truth. In that regards, I think this poem’s strength is its vulnerability. And that to me is worth so much more than if a comma is in the right place.
I really enjoyed the idea of circles here and how that echoes into the repeating line of striving, grasping, falling and how that moves from present to past tense. As a visual tool for the passage of time I thought this was particularly wonderful.
I read all poems I read out loud and this sounded really lovely in terms of pace and emotion.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
I think ‘good’ is very subjective. I utterly refuse to give feedback on classic poetic form, because I’m of that firm belief that it is not the most important part of the poem. It’s whether a poem speaks directly from the poet — that’s what I always look for.
What poetry is to me, is expression and feeling and speaking a truth. In that regards, I think this poem’s strength is its vulnerability. And that to me is worth so much more than if a comma is in the right place.
I really enjoyed the idea of circles here and how that echoes into the repeating line of striving, grasping, falling and how that moves from present to past tense. As a visual tool for the passage of time I thought this was particularly wonderful.
I read all poems I read out loud and this sounded really lovely in terms of pace and emotion.
Thank you for sharing.
-M
2nd Aug 2021 10:41pm
Thank you so much! I felt a bit stuck on a loop at the time. I'm still proud of this one and feel that it still stands up. Agree with you over sentiment, feeling and communication over accuracy etc, but I know I've written some crappy ones in my time. I'm only posting the ones I'm happy with, lol!
No sleep till Hamersmith, right? It's a title of a live album by Motorhead. Yes, I picked up on the irritation here as far as life carries on even when you're struggling!
5th Aug 2021 1:26am
