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When I Am Gone
( After William Butler Yeats
for WH Auden )
When I am gone, euthanized by days' end,
My physical housing no longer apt;
And you, by water's edge, grieving, enrapt
Of moments, lingering as perfumed skin;
Eyes reflect greyish waters of the stream,
with teeth, white as river rock, sun-bleached
Atop the sandy current's countenance;
Flaxen hair, as sea grass in a marine,
Waving; and amid the reflection see
A clear resemblance: features that are yours,
Drifting within the cloudy skies above;
know then, you are eternally with me.
~
for WH Auden )
When I am gone, euthanized by days' end,
My physical housing no longer apt;
And you, by water's edge, grieving, enrapt
Of moments, lingering as perfumed skin;
Eyes reflect greyish waters of the stream,
with teeth, white as river rock, sun-bleached
Atop the sandy current's countenance;
Flaxen hair, as sea grass in a marine,
Waving; and amid the reflection see
A clear resemblance: features that are yours,
Drifting within the cloudy skies above;
know then, you are eternally with me.
~
Written by
Ahavati
(Tams)
Published 5th Jul 2021
| Edited 6th Jul 2021
Author's Note
Inspiration Poem: When You Are Old: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/43283/when-you-are-old
Classic Corner William Butler Yeats Tribute: https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11966/
Classic Corner William Butler Yeats Tribute: https://deepundergroundpoetry.com/forum/competitions/read/11966/
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 16
reading list entries 9
comments 29
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. When I Am Gone
5th Jul 2021 4:08am
When love ones go our memories and legacy of them will be in our heart. Keep on writing.
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 3:07am
Re. When I Am Gone
5th Jul 2021 11:39am
Juz Beautiful A..tge nature that flows wid~ within ..n the eternity Love that breathes in ev ..not a much reader of classic poets .but this is quintessentially smooth lang of poetics! light love ev A x:)
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 3:07am
Thank you, my Sweet Friend. So happy to see you about these pages. Much Love & Light to you always. xo
Re. When I Am Gone
5th Jul 2021 2:34pm
A poignant write - that we may live on through the natural world, recognized by those who cherish(ed) us. You're pulling at my heart strings!
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 3:10am
Re. When I Am Gone
Anonymous
- Edited 5th Jul 2021 5:59pm
5th Jul 2021 5:53pm
There's definitely an atmosphere of blurred line between humans and nature in both this and the inspiration poem you chose.
Auden gives us insight into what the Moon has to say about a woman who has essentially retired from a life of not putting down roots. There's no judgement as the Moon complements her existence while enjoying a similar lifestyle without her ( and continuing it without her ). She was his faithful companion for a while.
What you've done in your poem is help draw out that metaphor of how our surroundings are an extension of who we are. The unique paths we create for ourselves using the Universe as a medium ultimately tell a bigger picture story about us. It unravels the notion that the "personality essence" of an individual is limited to the human body. We aren't contained in our skin.
❤📝
Auden gives us insight into what the Moon has to say about a woman who has essentially retired from a life of not putting down roots. There's no judgement as the Moon complements her existence while enjoying a similar lifestyle without her ( and continuing it without her ). She was his faithful companion for a while.
What you've done in your poem is help draw out that metaphor of how our surroundings are an extension of who we are. The unique paths we create for ourselves using the Universe as a medium ultimately tell a bigger picture story about us. It unravels the notion that the "personality essence" of an individual is limited to the human body. We aren't contained in our skin.
❤📝
![Anonymous](/images/avatars/_nopicmini.gif)
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
I'm happy you're allowing this deviation. I wasn't certain how to hashtag it - it's from Yeats' perspective toward Auden; thus, it's hashtagged Yeats due to that and the fact that I used one of his poems as an inspiration poem.
I was moved by Auden's tribut to Yeats; therefore, wanted to flip the tribute from Yeats to Auden, except using Yeats' poem, 'When You Are Old', rather than Auden's tribute to him. I found it strangely effective, and definitely stretching the comp guidelines ( though it's not like I can win ).
I honestly can't tell you what inspired it, except the inspirational poem of Yeats is one of my alltime favorites, and I immediately thought of it when reading Auden's tribute to Yeats. It's strange, to say the least.
Anyway, I am actually working on another non-entry entry based on one of Auden's; thus it will be tagged as such.
I was moved by Auden's tribut to Yeats; therefore, wanted to flip the tribute from Yeats to Auden, except using Yeats' poem, 'When You Are Old', rather than Auden's tribute to him. I found it strangely effective, and definitely stretching the comp guidelines ( though it's not like I can win ).
I honestly can't tell you what inspired it, except the inspirational poem of Yeats is one of my alltime favorites, and I immediately thought of it when reading Auden's tribute to Yeats. It's strange, to say the least.
Anyway, I am actually working on another non-entry entry based on one of Auden's; thus it will be tagged as such.
Re: Re. When I Am Gone
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Jul 2021 12:38pm
6th Jul 2021 12:26pm
Omg! I totally missed that the inspiration poem was by Yeats! I was so engrossed in both of the poems! I love it. It's the Circle of Poetry!
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Re. When I Am Gone
5th Jul 2021 10:06pm
Re. When I Am Gone
5th Jul 2021 11:28pm
Dear A,
Yet again your interpretation of style transcends. I thought to myself when I’m gone I’d like to be completely forgotten. But I would like to meet up with some of the loved ones I’ve lost before me. Probably not a typical thought process. This line is exquisite “ Drifting within the cloudy skies above;”.
Beautiful piece for a difficult subject. H🌷
Yet again your interpretation of style transcends. I thought to myself when I’m gone I’d like to be completely forgotten. But I would like to meet up with some of the loved ones I’ve lost before me. Probably not a typical thought process. This line is exquisite “ Drifting within the cloudy skies above;”.
Beautiful piece for a difficult subject. H🌷
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 3:11am
Honoria, if it's one thing I am certain of, it's that you will not be forgotten no matter how hard you may wish it so. Caring individuals never are. Much love and thanks. xo
Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 5:53am
Well, I think that’s very sweet of you to say and I hold that comment very dearly. Thank you. Xx
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Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 00:28am
Re: Re. When I Am Gone
6th Jul 2021 3:11am
Re. When I Am Gone
8th Jul 2021 5:26am
This is really beautiful, I am loving W H Auden so far, watched a couple documentaries, he is complex as W B Yeats was, and the poetic style does seem similar, the haunting obsession with death and love.
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
8th Jul 2021 6:28pm
Thank you, PR. I greatly appreciate that. Both were amazing writers and it was inspiring to flip the tribute. Felt refreshing, and from a different perspective.
Re. When I Am Gone
9th Jul 2021 6:20pm
Beautiful, Avanti. And yes, I certainly did hear WH Auden. Brilliant!
Sharing one of my favorites:
https://youtu.be/AmArhniFZOo
Sharing one of my favorites:
https://youtu.be/AmArhniFZOo
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
Wonderful to see you back around, Pisha! Auden was most definitely present when writing this. It was a flip I really wasn't expecting!
I LOVE that one too! I wrote one based on that one after this one! LOL! Great minds and all. . .Thanks for sharing! <3
I LOVE that one too! I wrote one based on that one after this one! LOL! Great minds and all. . .Thanks for sharing! <3
Re. When I Am Gone
24th Jul 2021 2:16am
I am not that all familiar with Yates, however, it is a solid write on your part.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
hugs,
buddhakitty.
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Re: Re. When I Am Gone
24th Jul 2021 8:32pm
Re. When I Am Gone
31st Jul 2021 3:36am
Re: Re. When I Am Gone
31st Jul 2021 3:32pm
Re. When I Am Gone
30th Sep 2021 5:12am
A wave of emotions from memories crash but the ending of your piece comforts the soul some.
LJ
LJ
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