BURN BARREL

that time i was broke
and frustrated
and so goddamned lonely
and saw no end to my misery
and so resolved not to waste any more
of my precious time
and set every scrap i'd ever written
by a burn barrel in the backyard
and set fire to every journal
every stupid fucking poem
every short story
every goddamn effort i'd ever made
to produce a piece of writing
and said "fuck it"
and "fuck you"
and "fuck this" and "fuck that"
and regretted it
even as the shit was burning
but couldn't stop

and how i mourned that writing
and kept the ashes in that barrel
until it rusted so badly
it collapsed when i tried to move it
and how i finally dug a hole
to bury the damp remains
of my meager literary genius
but panned through it to read nuggets that were left
and remembered writing them
and working them
and sweating over every goddamned word
even as a kid

and how i still miss that stuff
and regret that endless afternoon
when i tried to end my life
by writer suicide