today's surf

there I am lost again, staring into the ocean
the waves calling me to surf their motion

gripping this elefante in my left hand
beer in the other, fifth shot concluded, I still stand

the outer banks splash sends me commands
rushing and running enjoying the ticking the sands

Gemma’s across the bonfire and I miss her
this sadness and alcohol ready to stir

she looks at me with a sexual stare
the break-up was tough so I wouldn’t dare

walking to the shore slowly soaking it all in
overwhelmed at what feeling to surf, where to begin

I miss my first love, my truly sweet but a psycho ex
shame she took her own life, we will not see what’s next

I miss my second love, Gemma, you’re too insecure
I was always honest, you knew yet never again pure

my grandmother died hating me, once she understood
her favorite, her last grandchild, her misunderstood

tomorrow is sixteen years since my father passed away
a week before his birthday and fifteen days before Father’s day

my brother’s marriage fails, my niece is a junkie she’s fourteen
I almost lost my brother, my sister-in-law can demean

these tears overwhelm me, not many seen me cry
a want to surrender, but weakness doesn’t apply

so I will quietly sit at this shore
the tears roll down and my mind explores