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deepundergroundpoetry.com
Thoughts
Today has been Hell
No idea why , I have no one to tell
I guess I'm alone with my thoughts where I'm dying
I don't want to be here any more is it even worth trying ?
I used to be afraid of death and now my arms are open to dying .
Like trying to give a hug to freight train
Standing in the rain
A lighting storm dawns as the lights continue to gain
Closer and closer I'll close my eyes tight
Feel the rumble goodbye and good night
Eyes open wide , so that wasn't the end ?
Lying in my bed as it all starts again
No one by myside ,
No one would love me
My insides are soft
My face is just ugly
No idea why , I have no one to tell
I guess I'm alone with my thoughts where I'm dying
I don't want to be here any more is it even worth trying ?
I used to be afraid of death and now my arms are open to dying .
Like trying to give a hug to freight train
Standing in the rain
A lighting storm dawns as the lights continue to gain
Closer and closer I'll close my eyes tight
Feel the rumble goodbye and good night
Eyes open wide , so that wasn't the end ?
Lying in my bed as it all starts again
No one by myside ,
No one would love me
My insides are soft
My face is just ugly
Published 6th May 2021
Author's Note
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All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 5
reading list entries 3
comments 6
reads 451
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
6th May 2021 2:26pm
Great emoting/evoking here ... felt every line ... smooth flow ... good line breaks ... nice job with the sustained rhyming ...
6th May 2021 4:12pm
Hope this is just a poem, not a reality. Wishing you a positive and write day. Peace, oral
7th May 2021 12:57pm
I feel that for me the ryhming scheme almost diluted the emotional impact of the topic. It is well-written, well-structured and it IS very powerful. I think there is an opportunity here to extend, elaberate, continue this paticular poem further in a free verse / prose (?*) version potentially. The content has all the hallmarks in starkness of reality, rawness and truth that we love in Bukowski.
*I have limited knowledge or understanding of forms and metres so just guessing the poetic toolkit rules and terms. I'm not well-versed in poetry so, I hope, that my feedback has been constructive and should not to be taken as criticism as I am not qualified to critigue.
*I have limited knowledge or understanding of forms and metres so just guessing the poetic toolkit rules and terms. I'm not well-versed in poetry so, I hope, that my feedback has been constructive and should not to be taken as criticism as I am not qualified to critigue.
7th May 2021 1:01pm
No That's great , it's constructive and I really do appreciate it . How else will I get better ? Haha
Thankyou so much
Thankyou so much
7th May 2021 1:09pm
Love... is the best medicine.
You're poetry needs no improvement.
*I'm in a funk today so reading between the lines, sensitve to stimulae, and possibly talking shite.
Forgive me. xx
You're poetry needs no improvement.
*I'm in a funk today so reading between the lines, sensitve to stimulae, and possibly talking shite.
Forgive me. xx
7th May 2021 1:10pm
