Dissociation

My anxiety spikes and I don’t feel normal.
So I write another page in my poetry journal.
It grounds me so I know it’s not real.
It’s all in my head, it’s what I feel.

It’s a nightmare except I’m awake.
I lose grip, I’m starting to shake.
The goosebumps, they’re all over the place.
A physical reaction to something that’s fake.

A movie I made up inside my mind.
Fears and scenarios of every kind.
I don’t know where they come from, where they hide.
All I know is I can’t stop the movies in my mind.

The world disappears on me, I feel so blind.
I can’t see the door, I’ve tried so many times.
Everything closes in, I’m suffocating.
Everything erases, I’m dissociating.

It feels like reality is just an illusion.
So I distance myself into seclusion.
Staying in my room until it’s safe to come out.
Too scared to tell anyone what it’s all about.

How can I say I’m breaking down?
I’ll look stupid, I might even drown.
They’ll think I’m insane, they won’t understand.
They’ll tell me to stop not knowing I never can.