deepundergroundpoetry.com
Innocence
You were the first ever man to break my heart, to steal what little innocence I had.
I wish that I could say that it was the first time you hurt me Apá, but it would be a lie.
You hurled your words at me like sharp shards of glass, each one small enough to hurt.
I wanted to believe in the best of you, that the anger consuming you was just a set back.
I remember the first time you showed your true colors, in the middle of my school.
I will never forget the shocked faces, the girls who called us both crazy.
I wanted to believe that you weren't all bad, that even I deserved a normal dad.
I'd always wanted to please you, Apá; your approval was the one thing I needed,
And I never got it, not even to this day.
Instead I am here now, afraid of loud voices and loud sounds, living in fear.
I still pick at my food, in fear that you are somewhere watching me eat.
I still jump every time I hear a door slam, in fear that it is you on another bad day.
You are in everyone of my nightmares, every villain in every movie I will ever see.
You were the first man to take everything away from me, the first man to break my heart.
I wish that I could say that it was the first time you hurt me Apá, but it would be a lie.
You hurled your words at me like sharp shards of glass, each one small enough to hurt.
I wanted to believe in the best of you, that the anger consuming you was just a set back.
I remember the first time you showed your true colors, in the middle of my school.
I will never forget the shocked faces, the girls who called us both crazy.
I wanted to believe that you weren't all bad, that even I deserved a normal dad.
I'd always wanted to please you, Apá; your approval was the one thing I needed,
And I never got it, not even to this day.
Instead I am here now, afraid of loud voices and loud sounds, living in fear.
I still pick at my food, in fear that you are somewhere watching me eat.
I still jump every time I hear a door slam, in fear that it is you on another bad day.
You are in everyone of my nightmares, every villain in every movie I will ever see.
You were the first man to take everything away from me, the first man to break my heart.
Published 26th Feb 2021
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Anonymous
26th Feb 2021 2:07am
You said,
"Instead I am here now, afraid of loud voices and loud sounds, living in fear.
I still pick at my food, in fear that you are somewhere watching me eat."
I can relate. He is constantly inside the center or every anxiety, from the small ones to the large ones to the ones which are huge, and would overpower, or would threaten to, at the times when they come at their worst.
"Instead I am here now, afraid of loud voices and loud sounds, living in fear.
I still pick at my food, in fear that you are somewhere watching me eat."
I can relate. He is constantly inside the center or every anxiety, from the small ones to the large ones to the ones which are huge, and would overpower, or would threaten to, at the times when they come at their worst.
