deepundergroundpoetry.com
Unhinged
There is no one to keep me sane
When hellish dreams attack my brain.
Inside myself, where I can see
Fresh horrors waiting there for me.
I do not want to go to sleep,
For in my mind dwell demons deep.
I shake and yell, and plead and scream,
But no one helps me in my dream.
I知 all alone, with blackness round.
I cannot hear a single sound.
But beings dark, and full of hate,
Press on me with a heavy weight.
Within the confines of my mind,
No rest or freedom can I find.
I do not have the time or chance
To come out of that horrid trance.
I知 trapped within my own despair,
And only madness lingers there.
Amid the dark and dreary sight,
I wander aimlessly in fright.
I stumble down and nearly fall.
I cannot see the floor at all.
And deep within that horrid hell,
They whisper lies that they would tell.
I run in panicked jumbled fear,
But no one dares to help me here.
I cannot wake, and so I run,
While knowing soon I値l be undone.
There is no one to keep me sane
When hellish dreams attack my brain.
When hellish dreams attack my brain.
Inside myself, where I can see
Fresh horrors waiting there for me.
I do not want to go to sleep,
For in my mind dwell demons deep.
I shake and yell, and plead and scream,
But no one helps me in my dream.
I知 all alone, with blackness round.
I cannot hear a single sound.
But beings dark, and full of hate,
Press on me with a heavy weight.
Within the confines of my mind,
No rest or freedom can I find.
I do not have the time or chance
To come out of that horrid trance.
I知 trapped within my own despair,
And only madness lingers there.
Amid the dark and dreary sight,
I wander aimlessly in fright.
I stumble down and nearly fall.
I cannot see the floor at all.
And deep within that horrid hell,
They whisper lies that they would tell.
I run in panicked jumbled fear,
But no one dares to help me here.
I cannot wake, and so I run,
While knowing soon I値l be undone.
There is no one to keep me sane
When hellish dreams attack my brain.
Published 16th Feb 2021
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16th Feb 2021 7:23pm
You have a magnificent skill for immersing the reader in the darkness. This screams anxiety, fear, and nightmares throughout. You might consider adding nightmares to themes. I absolutely love your rhyming... it flows perfectly and does not feel forced at all; completely natural and that is definitely a skill. I am not good at that so I am a but envious. :) Really beautiful work...
16th Feb 2021 7:36pm
Anonymous
- Edited 17th Feb 2021 10:06pm
17th Feb 2021 00:08am
Agreed. The nonstop flow thanks to excellent writing is anxiety inducing.
"I shake and yell, and plead and scream,
But no one helps me in my dream."
This works correctly.
"I知 all alone, with blackness round.
I cannot hear a single sound.
But beings dark, and full of hate,
Press on me with a heavy weight."
However, the "but" here, or even better, "as" would work better in closer proximity to "I'm all alone", countering the "alone"-ness with beings pressing against the narrator. Like so:
"I cannot hear a single sound.
I知 all alone, with blackness round, < comma replacing endstop
as beings dark, and full of hate,
press on me with a heavy weight."
"I shake and yell, and plead and scream,
But no one helps me in my dream."
This works correctly.
"I知 all alone, with blackness round.
I cannot hear a single sound.
But beings dark, and full of hate,
Press on me with a heavy weight."
However, the "but" here, or even better, "as" would work better in closer proximity to "I'm all alone", countering the "alone"-ness with beings pressing against the narrator. Like so:
"I cannot hear a single sound.
I知 all alone, with blackness round, < comma replacing endstop
as beings dark, and full of hate,
press on me with a heavy weight."
