Oxymoron Confession

Life has delivered me reoccurring heart-aches where wit and laughter knowingly is my only defense to brace for the next inevitable hurt for this cheerful pessimist.  

Making others laugh and being the life of the party is something that I am awful good at while sadness prevails deep inside my broken heart.  
 
My countless friends and their wives can always count on the funny guy to brighten their day, clueless to my joyful sadness.  
 
It does bring me comfort knowing that people like having me around as their faces beam not knowing what might come out of my mouth while I join in with a sad smile, masquerading my loneliness.  
 
It truly feels like something straight out of Shakespeare, this feeling of ''sweet sorrow", sharing in couples' fun out together.  
 
 Being every ones third wheel as the rooms boom with laughter as I sit alone is clearly misunderstood.  
 
Laughter from others seems to be my pillar of strength, though a bittersweet one as I wait for my own smiles, coming from my very own better half.  
 
In my heart of hearts, I sincerely believe that there is a definite maybe that it all can happen once again for me.  
 
  I feel terribly good about revealing that my past, present, and future smiles/laughter is my lifeline to happiness.  
 
This admission is my open secret!