@mom’s dismissals and doubts about me helping with rent when my loves are struggling

i know what I’m doing  
I know who I love  
I consider myself a decent judge of character  
I am incredibly picky about who i choose to commit to  
and I have chosen them  
because they have again and again demonstrated respect for me and my boundaries and a value of my presence that runs deep.  

No one in the past has ever taken advantage of me  
That’s not just luck;  
I am scrupulous and attentive and mindful of with whom, and how, I involve myself.  
Sure, someone might break the trust I think I have made  
and take advantage of me,  
but I have to believe in myself and my decisions and I have to trust people that I have chosen to trust.  
 I can’t go living as if everyone i love might be a sociopath  
and harbor doubt all the time about whether they really love me,  
harbor doubt about whether the words of someone who has never lied to me yet, and who has always demonstrated care for me, are true.  
when for the past 2 years they have given me every reason to believe that they really love and care for me  
and wouldn’t knowingly take advantage of me,  
holding onto that kind of doubt  
is not only heavy and damaging to me  
(for whom self-doubt is my main obstacle and struggle i’ve been working to overcome).  
it is silly.  
That’s one thing I have learned from loving them,  
is that I can and should trust myself,  
and believe in myself,  
and go all in.  
I can’t hold back on the off chance that I might randomly be betrayed after so many experiences in which my trust has been correct.  
 
There is a difference between being taken advantage of  
And helping  
If other people benefiting and being supported by me  
when I am not obligated, explicitly or implicitly, to help, by anything but my own decision  
and i am taking my own needs into account and abiding by them -  
(which I always have and continue to do)  
if other people benefiting from the way I choose to exist in a relationship is allowing myself to be taken advantage of,  
then so be it.  
I don’t think it is.  
I think that is love.  
deliberate, consistent and freely given love.  
it is not just a feeling but a set of decisions.  
 
I think it is silly to keep score of who benefits how much from a relationship.  
but if you find that relevant,  
I am benefiting too. immensely.  
I am in love.  
These people make me happy and make me feel strong, loved, cared for, appreciated,  
not by shallow means - compliments, favors, etc,  
but a long standing, lasting love and acceptance of me no matter what.  
even in my darkest times,  
when i couldn’t stop picking my face,
when i would freak out and freeze up and paralyze myself  
with worry and self-scrutiny -  
they stood by me,  
so I was not alone.
They helped me learn to relax,  
and learn that it’s all ok,  
I can make whatever kind of fool of myself  
i want to with my worry -  
they helped me take deep breaths  
and let it melt away.
 
I believe in myself more every day I spend with them.  
 
I can’t convey to you what the relationship is like.  
but i know what it is like.  
it is mine.  
I have only ever demonstrated good and healthy relationship skills in the past, as well as strong self-awareness  
and an accurate appraisal of others and their motivations. as well as the ability to assert myself and make a change when something isn’t working for me. even when it was painful. even as a younger adolescent.
 
If I felt myself being taken advantage of, I would address that with them,  
and if nothing changed, I would remove myself from the situation.  
however, I feel things are in balance.  
I know that what I am doing is right and good and not too much for me.  
I know for a fact I am valued for the person I am,  
not just the help and support i can offer.  
 
but since I am in this relationship,  
and since I am there, and I love them and know I am loved,  
and I trust them and know I am trusted,  
and they need help,  
I will do what I can feasibly and healthfully do to help.  
it is my love, my life, and my decision.