deepundergroundpoetry.com
Platonic Love Poem
sometimes you think you’ve known someone
and give to them your kindliness
- a little wooden clown
with permanent smile -
but look again to see
they’ve taken
and they’ve stamped on it
the lesson being this:
that friends can break your heart
just as lovers do
the little clown with broken plywood legs
beneath rainbow trousers
and made-up caved-in face
with pieces of smile
stuck to the sole of a shoe
and give to them your kindliness
- a little wooden clown
with permanent smile -
but look again to see
they’ve taken
and they’ve stamped on it
the lesson being this:
that friends can break your heart
just as lovers do
the little clown with broken plywood legs
beneath rainbow trousers
and made-up caved-in face
with pieces of smile
stuck to the sole of a shoe
Published 8th Jan 2021
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likes 3
reading list entries 2
comments 5
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The author encourages honest critique.
8th Jan 2021 7:06am
8th Jan 2021 2:26pm
This one feels like a gut punch. I have been in this situation over and over. I tell myself, constantly, that I should be more guarded with my heart and time and kindness because I just keep getting hurt. I never listen.
The only quibble I have, and maybe it's just a personal style issue, is the last line of the first stanza. I'm not exactly sure what my quibble is so bear with me as i try to explain. I want both of the actions to have their own weight. Not just smashed together in a line. So maybe:
they've taken
and they've stamped on it
on the first read, i thought you could leave out the taken bit all together. It's implied in the first bit of the stanza that you gave to them and that they took it. so the taken bit is redundant. BUT after a few more reads, i think setting that part on a line of its own would add weight and not make it redundant. I hope that makes some sense. ha!
but even if you leave it just as it is, it is cleverly written and i love it.
The only quibble I have, and maybe it's just a personal style issue, is the last line of the first stanza. I'm not exactly sure what my quibble is so bear with me as i try to explain. I want both of the actions to have their own weight. Not just smashed together in a line. So maybe:
they've taken
and they've stamped on it
on the first read, i thought you could leave out the taken bit all together. It's implied in the first bit of the stanza that you gave to them and that they took it. so the taken bit is redundant. BUT after a few more reads, i think setting that part on a line of its own would add weight and not make it redundant. I hope that makes some sense. ha!
but even if you leave it just as it is, it is cleverly written and i love it.
8th Jan 2021 2:27pm
That makes perfect sense. I know exactly what you mean and will make the change now. Thank you for taking the time, Ms Grace. x
8th Jan 2021 4:00pm
This is definitely a sucker-punch.
I am sorry you're having to suffer this, Jack. Just as it more'oft than not takes a unified tragedy to bring people together, so does it take betrayal to learn how to guard our hearts by setting healthy boundaries. The beauty is that as long as we don't become bitter, and have learned to let go, we heal even more beautifully than before. . .ad don't repeat the same mistakes.
Very powerfully emotive poem, Jack.
I am sorry you're having to suffer this, Jack. Just as it more'oft than not takes a unified tragedy to bring people together, so does it take betrayal to learn how to guard our hearts by setting healthy boundaries. The beauty is that as long as we don't become bitter, and have learned to let go, we heal even more beautifully than before. . .ad don't repeat the same mistakes.
Very powerfully emotive poem, Jack.
8th Jan 2021 4:02pm
Thank you for your kind words. My own experience of what this poem is about was very minor in the grand scheme, but it inspired this piece nonetheless. x
