Downstreams

Smiles on this one, Ahvanti.


hugs,
buddhakitty.

Thanks, Kitts! Much appreciated!

Wishing you a Happy Christmas and Merry New Year! xo

That final stanza is amazingly solid in metaphor!    
   
I have a couple points to critique.    
     
"lungs, even bones,       
   watery skeletons    
beneath fibrous sinew—"    
     
It feels like this should be a semicolon because you're elaborating on the bones?    
     
And then I'm struggling a bit with these lines    
     
"But, sometimes we feel     
our current shift—     
the turning of tides     
  within our selves       
       
drift       
     
  with the flow, release       
  resistence, know       
    we belong—"    
     
It seems like it should be something more along the line of       
     
"But, sometimes we feel     
our current shift—     
the turning of tides     
  within our selves;       
       
drifting       
     
  with the flow, releasing       
  resistence, knowing       
    we belong—"    
   
"the turning of tides" and "drift" don't mesh while "the turning of tides" and "drifts" or "drifting" does, but also the semi colon helps separate the two statements as well.    

Also, "resistance".  
     
❤📝    
 

Ha! This was 30 minute job to slide under the expiring time of Jackie's comp! It definitely needs a bit of revision, but not much as it was channeled while listening to the music.

I'll take your suggestions under advisement! Thank you! ❤📝    

Oh, yeah. I knew you were racing against the clock. I can't even remember the last time if ever I critiqued a poem of yours because they are always polished to perfection. I'd have to dig through your archives to perform an emergency Poetic Medic rescucitation LOL.

No that's fine. You know I appreciate honest critique. Hell, you remember I used to throw drafts out just to garner them. I've dabbled with it a bit but will have to revisit.

I have no idea what day it is lately. Belated congrats on winning the December Poem of the Month! <3

Poetic Biology 101..........
Nicely well done, and darn good too

Thank you, Dan'O, my dear friend! xo

After reading a couple of times, I enjoyed the poetic art of this piece. Well done :)

Thank you, JOY! Much appreciated. Your name made me smile, particularly at this time of the year! xo

Interesting poem.  Keep on writing.

Thank you, Francisco! Happy you found it interesting.

Yup, my kinda write; soul-full, wise, deep, n’ flawless! You knock it out the park every “at bat”
😊✌🏾

Thank you, my sweet friend! I wish you would  hang around here more! You're such a positive presence.

Much Love to you during this holiday season! xo

“Aaaawwww golly gee shucks” he says while sheepishly kicking stones downhill lol...much love back to you, n yea my lack of presence is a direct
result of how things have been going outside of this environ... hopefully this new year is gonna be better n a more constant presence will be assured😜

I hope so too, PoetikOne! Another light presence is always welcomed! <3

Reminded me of the first time I read Milan Kundera's wonderful "Nietzschean " novel, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, and how he connected it to "The Eternal Recurrence" in Nietzsche's philosophy...and his description of the "self"...the "subject"...as an "ambiguous mulitiplicity"...I love that...as I love this beautiful poem, A. Bravo!
Amor fati...Harry

I LOVE Kundera's book, Harry. I am thrilled you resonated with it when reading this. That's a very high compliment indeed.

Thank you! Amor fati!

Dear A,

I found myself reflecting on life and it’s ever changing pathways while reading this lovely write. All the things that connect us as humans and cause us to float and drift from one thing to the next. I thought this such a treat today, it was rather a hectic one but after reading your poem it was a great way to breathe in and catch my breath. H🌷

Thank you, Honoria. I love poetry that affects me a certain way ( as you have described ) and am moreso honored that mine did that to you. Thank you for taking the time to share that with me!

Much love

xo

I very  much enjoy the bones of this. BUT i also feel like maybe there are places that you can trim down. it feels like you say something, and then say it better. so, kind of being redundant. if that makes sense.

like the bit about being made of heart and lungs and bones. then you elaborate on the bones. i'd prefer it (maybe)...made of heart and lungs and watery skeletons.

and then you do the same thing in the bit about shifting tides. you say the thought one way, and then say it better.

But like i said, i love the bones of this piece.

and the more I think, the more i wonder if the repeating is actually necessary. maybe it helps solidify those images in our mind. hmmmmm....

either way. well done.

Dem bones, dem bones! LOL!

Thank you, Daisy! You know I love a good dose of honest critique. I appreciate the time you spend on this, and your suggestions greatly. I haven't revisited it yet; I want to get past this transition first, so I feel more in tune with its essence.

Wishing you and yours a very Happy Christmas and Merry New Year! xo

The metaphor of the body as natural landscape is well expressed here. I like how the writing makes me picture fields and streams and so on when considering the complexity of human consciousness, conveying this idea of creation in all its magnitude being repeated in each individual life. If that makes sense.

Thank you, Jack! I am tempted to enter it into the * oldie * part of nomoth's Landscape comp; but will have to tinker with it first. That may not happen before the deadline.

As an aside, I can't tell you how happy I am that you have returned regularly. Your poetry and presence is a balm here to me. We go WAY back. And I'll never forget you not realizing who I was on here for YEARS! LOL!

Thank you, Aha! We do go way back, and I'm sure I probably did know at points during those years, I can just be deeply scatterbrained lol.

Haha! Ditto!

I just remember your reaction when you discovered Ahavati was me! LOL!

I do like this.

Thank you, Adagio!

Great. Good to see the movement of focus, from (i) the basic parts of a human to (ii) what appears to be conscious awareness on the part of humans and the ability to choose and make decisions . My interpretation anyway. Love the air/ water contexts. I think raise fascinating questions re biology, evolution, spirituality, etc.

Good write.

Thank you, Lozzamus! Your observations are always appreciated! I particularly love this one because it hits the nail on the head perfectly!

Hope you're doing well out there. I wish you a Happy Christmas and Merry New Year! xo

Many thanks.  Wishing you a good and peaceful Christmas and New Year.

Thank you, my friend!

I just finished studying Psalm 22, and you have parts that remind me of verses 14,15, and even some 16 and 17. But never the less this is such a good piece, I can not believe that I am not following you. We will change that!

Thank you, TIG! I am happy you discovered me, and I love the biblical reference. I've read the bible cover to cover at least half a dozen times; there's a new layer each time I read.

... vulnerable journey

totally relatable...



OG Respect

Thank you again, OG! I need to visit your page!