You don't know me at all

 
We were standing there together.
Leaves fell from the trees the wind had brought.
You gazed into my eyes, and asked
"a penny for your thoughts"

My mind: Obscure, distraught, and oh so sure of how I'll fuck this up.

For i am too much, too much I am too much i am too much I am.

I am difficult.
I'm too personal.
Overly emotional, I'm filled with trauma.
I am not normal.

I am desperate.
To be loved.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, and conceive scenarios where you might then see that perhaps I am something.

I am worth nothing.

I feel like a failure, and I give up easily.
I deserve all of the bad things that have ever happened to me.

Once believed I could achieve my dreams,
I wonder where they went?
Now my biggest accolade is if I make it out of bed.

My brain full spiralling, and to me it said

I'm not enough, am i enough, im not enough im not enough im not.

I'm not wifey material, I am just a fuck
I'm not unique, attention seek, a freak,
With love I have no luck,
I truly suck.
I question why you're here, and what is wrong with you?
Are you unravelling, a stitch slipping and seeing it undo?

But i have no clue.

So I stare back, hoping adoration, and wide eyed.
Though I can feel my mind continue to overthink, panic inside,
I can't deny that I have feelings, but I'm dr jekyll and Mr hyde, and if I lie you'll see straight through it, what the fuck am I to do?

So I reply

"What a lovely night we've had, and all my thoughts for you"