deepundergroundpoetry.com
Manic
Been a while since the rush of too many endorphins and I'm feeling manic.
Lots of dopamine so less panic, more sporadic, careless joy as i commit to my stupid ideas.
No fear; my actions appear without careful consideration, adorn my skin, tattooed no intrepidation, reckless for the night and it becoming my vocation, for i know it'll dissappate as quickly as it came.
I'd pick this crazy mindset over my normal everytime.
I love the lack of inhibitions, not being governed by my mind.
And though technically still me inside, I feel so wild and free.
Don't give a fuck for consequences now, escaping and yet still me.
Though like a drug filled night, those euphoric highs come crashing down to lows.
Using all of my hormones in one catastrophic go, and the depths below what is my baseline sink so very far.
I feel myself laying on the dirt, and yet gazing at the stars,
For this,my heart, my soul, my brain, and accepting that I dont want to change, that how I shape and see the world is actually quite special.
Tainted and painful with flashes of so much joy and inspiration and wonder and strife, it's only now that i have grown I'd hate to live anyone else's life. This is mine. I catch glimpses of happiness amongst the madness, the sound of the sea, waves crashing in, the sun bearing down upon my skin, my fleeting contentment sometimes within, breathing, I feel so much.
The gentleness of another's touch, falling too quick in love.
And i know you think it's mental, but maybe you don't feel enough?
It must be tough. Following the cues, all of the social norms, and I couldn't begin to comprehend, just living to conform, a faceless swarm, a pointless form that existed with just the purpose of meeting someone else's expections, but you look at how I live my life like I'm crazy.
Or "whys everyone going through this mental health phase?"
Im still amazed by how mainstream ignorance is. So this is my shit and i will take another hit of my sertraline and wait for the next episode to appear. Loving myself, feeling no fear.
Lots of dopamine so less panic, more sporadic, careless joy as i commit to my stupid ideas.
No fear; my actions appear without careful consideration, adorn my skin, tattooed no intrepidation, reckless for the night and it becoming my vocation, for i know it'll dissappate as quickly as it came.
I'd pick this crazy mindset over my normal everytime.
I love the lack of inhibitions, not being governed by my mind.
And though technically still me inside, I feel so wild and free.
Don't give a fuck for consequences now, escaping and yet still me.
Though like a drug filled night, those euphoric highs come crashing down to lows.
Using all of my hormones in one catastrophic go, and the depths below what is my baseline sink so very far.
I feel myself laying on the dirt, and yet gazing at the stars,
For this,my heart, my soul, my brain, and accepting that I dont want to change, that how I shape and see the world is actually quite special.
Tainted and painful with flashes of so much joy and inspiration and wonder and strife, it's only now that i have grown I'd hate to live anyone else's life. This is mine. I catch glimpses of happiness amongst the madness, the sound of the sea, waves crashing in, the sun bearing down upon my skin, my fleeting contentment sometimes within, breathing, I feel so much.
The gentleness of another's touch, falling too quick in love.
And i know you think it's mental, but maybe you don't feel enough?
It must be tough. Following the cues, all of the social norms, and I couldn't begin to comprehend, just living to conform, a faceless swarm, a pointless form that existed with just the purpose of meeting someone else's expections, but you look at how I live my life like I'm crazy.
Or "whys everyone going through this mental health phase?"
Im still amazed by how mainstream ignorance is. So this is my shit and i will take another hit of my sertraline and wait for the next episode to appear. Loving myself, feeling no fear.
Published 22nd Nov 2020
Author's Note
I like this one but the reading is terrible. Make over if what you want.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
22nd Nov 2020 5:58pm
You have the most beautiful vulnerability, you feel honest in the most relatable way, to me, in a place overrun with deceit and conceit, an oasis of heart and artistry. 💖🙏🏻
22nd Nov 2020 9:52pm
Firstly, you look TERRIFIC! Love the retro 60's style makeup and hair! It's totally rad! Secondly, I enjoyed this for the passion you expend ( you do on every reading; however, there was something different about this one ). This to me expels the way it is, it is what it is, and you're simply working through that doing what you love while you are. I love that you're sharing it with us.
One nit:
I feel myself [ laying ] on the dirt, and yet gazing at the stars
There are two ways to take the first part of this line: firstly, are you referring to laying the dirt on top of yourself? Another expression of what I am asking is piling on the shit. OR, are you referencing to actually lying on the dirt? In which case, if the latter, it would be correctly written and pronounced:
Lying on the dirt, and yet gazing at the start
One nit:
I feel myself [ laying ] on the dirt, and yet gazing at the stars
There are two ways to take the first part of this line: firstly, are you referring to laying the dirt on top of yourself? Another expression of what I am asking is piling on the shit. OR, are you referencing to actually lying on the dirt? In which case, if the latter, it would be correctly written and pronounced:
Lying on the dirt, and yet gazing at the start
