Dinner With Dad

My dad has a glass  
of wine with dinner:
California Chardonnay
and Chicken Cordon Bleu:
A winning combination  
if there ever were one.
I don a false smile, but  
decline a taste of either,
disappear upstairs for  
a taste of something stronger
to curb my (lack of) appetite  
and tame my cocaine buzz.
 
Jose Cuervo waits
in all his golden glory.
One shot with a whisk of water
reminds me that I should not  
be doing this alone.
But I don't know where he is.
And I don't know where she went.
So I take two. And then three.
And then three more
before I get off to bad porn
and fail to fall asleep
with the lingering white.
 
I wish I were happy  
with a classy buzz and  
decadent dinner like dad.