deepundergroundpoetry.com
What You Did To Me
I can’t have friends because I leave in a hurry.
All of these thoughts you caused make me worry.
Is he there with someone else?
Or is it still just him by himself?
Do you think he replaced me like he’s tried to before?
Maybe she heard me and went out the back door.
Did she do something better than I did?
Was she more confident in places I hid?
Could she make you feel more in control?
Make you feel like a man in her home?
Maybe she knew how to thrust her hips.
Or maybe the right way to move her lips.
She’s experienced more than I have.
You’re the only that I have ever had.
So maybe the things I do are kind of bad.
Maybe compared to her, I’m just a laugh.
A joke of a wife who can’t please.
A wife that’s hurt, but can’t leave.
Do you see what you did to me?
How you killed my self esteem?
How do I come back from this?
How do I erase this damn list?
This list of things I need to improve.
This list to be good enough for you.
All of these thoughts you caused make me worry.
Is he there with someone else?
Or is it still just him by himself?
Do you think he replaced me like he’s tried to before?
Maybe she heard me and went out the back door.
Did she do something better than I did?
Was she more confident in places I hid?
Could she make you feel more in control?
Make you feel like a man in her home?
Maybe she knew how to thrust her hips.
Or maybe the right way to move her lips.
She’s experienced more than I have.
You’re the only that I have ever had.
So maybe the things I do are kind of bad.
Maybe compared to her, I’m just a laugh.
A joke of a wife who can’t please.
A wife that’s hurt, but can’t leave.
Do you see what you did to me?
How you killed my self esteem?
How do I come back from this?
How do I erase this damn list?
This list of things I need to improve.
This list to be good enough for you.
Published 14th Oct 2020
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The author encourages honest critique.
14th Oct 2020 2:35pm
14th Oct 2020 5:19pm
Nothing is wrong with you, there is nothing you could have done to stop his wandering eye. Even the most seemingly perfect person can get cheated on. If you want to make a list, make one of what you'll take and what you wont, from small to little and know that even if you're forced to end a relationship based on these principles (hopefully aimed to preserve your self respect), its not as big a hurt as it would be if you tried to stay and change yourself for the worst. It doesn't work, changing oneself to fit someone else's needs or shortcomings. You'll only be happy when you find one that is good, but also when you realize it's ok if they leave, if not devastating momentarily :/ im sorry you met a selfish one, love
14th Oct 2020 10:52pm
Thank you for that, it meant a lot. I do pretty well with keeping my self esteem up there, but sometimes the depression gets the best of me and makes me go through these lists of everything I’ve ever done wrong no matter how small and just makes me feel like a horrible person even though I’m not. And when people do this type of stuff to you, it makes it worse.
15th Oct 2020 4:23am
Listen, we all do things we regret. There are times we shut up when we should speak up, times where our doubts try to snuff out the drive that keeps us alive. But you have to realize something. The list of what we are made of, who we are, they are measurements made to compare to the mates knocking at our door. If they do not fit, then it wasn't meant to be. There are compromises that are reasonable and compromises that are not. Love, you are beautiful and young and have your life ahead of you to meet so many different characters. I promise you that even in failure, relationships can be beautiful. In essence, love yourself most, and those who love you will be most valuable :)
19th Oct 2020 2:43am
19th Oct 2020 2:43am
Who's gonna save you? I had an overbearing girlfriend once, always wanting to know what I was thinking at any one time, lol. It stifled me somewhat. It's bourne out of insecurity really. Not healthy to over-analyze someone, including yourself, I might add. A very honest write this though about how your thought processes get a hold of you & spin sadly out of control. I believe one should be themselves. Take me, I sometimes pretend I'm Tim Roth, punching above my weight. ;-)
19th Oct 2020 2:41am
I don’t think you understand the poem. It’s about how cheating on someone destroys them mentally and emotionally. How their self esteem goes down the drain because she’s comparing herself in every way to the other woman. And all of those thoughts thinking he’s doing the same thing again is overtaking her life and making being close to people impossible.
Well, once someone has cheated, it's pretty much game over. You'll probably never feel able to trust him again; I hope you can though. If whatever is stopping you from leaving him has passed, then maybe it's time to leave than be miserable forever, otherwise you'll be writing these kinda poems for the next ten years at least, sadly.
19th Oct 2020 3:22am
At least I get something out of it, right? Lol. I’ll figure it out one day.
19th Oct 2020 3:23am
