USED

I often relive a time in my mind when men use to pay me for my time.
Just to make me feel like the best thing since slice bread
And I'd reject it because I'd take being humble over queen privileges any day of the week,  
but I digress.  
They'd pamper and spoil me rotten  
only to go home and scrub my existence from their body
1. 2. 3. times over again  
like we never happen  
until skin is raw and water stung like lemon juice.  
Like I was scum of the earth or an expired cheese cake that they just couldn’t turn away because it's their favorite dessert.  
As if to them I was repulsive  
but they would orgasm  
1. 2. 3. times over again  
roaring out assiduously
"Oh, you’re so nasty you’re such a nasty dirty girl can you be nasty for me?"
Specifically requesting the worst of me  
And use the same lips to tell their wives goodnight providing forehead kisses.  
and roll over while my memory haunted them on a journey of tossing and turning  
waking up to precum and my scent heavy in their nose because lust had done its due diligence
and they just can't seem to forget how my asshole tastes.
How dare they attempt to scour me away from their flesh hoping it would clean me from their conscience.
As if they wouldn’t be calling next week for a rerun with an even heftier donation.
And my only redemption is waking up to a man unafraid to tell the world that I own her.
All of it, is mine.  
She belongs to me.  
Unashamed.  
The word slave has been transformed to a word of endearment.
Ridden of all its generational pain.
That’s why he can know the evil things I’ve done to myself and my body and not cower in fear and not run and hide but it serves as inspiration to him that I persevered through it all.  
Awarding myself mercy just to be under submission to him, to them.  
Skin men use to be so eager to wash away remnants of he can’t help but to hunger for skin he can’t help but bite and break so he can taste my blood because a soul tie alone isn’t enough.  
I gotta be in his digestive system too lol that’s a Master honey.  
And all that trauma even some done by his own hand he is healing and will continue to until his heart bursts.
No matter how much hell I give him for it because a woman’s scorn is a mf and trust guilt will eat a man alive, but he still doesn’t give up that’s the nature of a Master slave dynamic.