deepundergroundpoetry.com
Temporal Embrace
We come together in moments
as our worlds tangle
into a sphere wholly ours
slipping in time
making memories
of things we won't do
in places we won't go
embraced in the intangible us
that ignores oceans and impossibility
There is a lifetime in your words
freedom in the warmth of your whisper
abandon soars on the breath of your sighs
The river of you rushes through my veins
and the beating of my heart
belongs to you
in these fleeting ripples
that rearrange our reality
Then we exhale the truth
our moment returned to time
so we don't say things we dare not say
that linger quietly in pleasant conversation
or exclaim in breathless silence
Written by
paperstains
Published 15th Sep 2020
Author's Note
This is an earlier poem, written during the first year that I started getting into writing poetry, about five years ago.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 12
reads 710
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Temporal Embrace
15th Sep 2020 1:45pm
I really enjoyed this read. From a very early point you had a grasp of expression beyond tangible observation. Some of the imagery here is fluid and ethereal, as though a combination of day dreams entwined with reality.
The only place I tripped was here:
Then we exhale the truth
our moment returned to time
exhale is present tense while returned is past tense.
Would it not sound better as such?
Then we exhale the truth
our moment returns to time
Or. . .
Then we exhaled the truth
our moment returned to time
The only place I tripped was here:
Then we exhale the truth
our moment returned to time
exhale is present tense while returned is past tense.
Would it not sound better as such?
Then we exhale the truth
our moment returns to time
Or. . .
Then we exhaled the truth
our moment returned to time
0

Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 2:42am
Thank you, you're comments are always appreciated.
I've given some thought to spot that tripped you, and some thought about what I'm attempting to describe. For me, the exhale happens once that moment has already dissipated, so it feels right to have it referred to in past tense. Like when something is happening, and you don't realize you're holding your breath, until it's over, and then you breathe again. Hopefully, that makes a bit of sense.
I'm not done pondering, but I wanted to reply to you. Thanks again for leaving your thoughts on this. :-)
I've given some thought to spot that tripped you, and some thought about what I'm attempting to describe. For me, the exhale happens once that moment has already dissipated, so it feels right to have it referred to in past tense. Like when something is happening, and you don't realize you're holding your breath, until it's over, and then you breathe again. Hopefully, that makes a bit of sense.
I'm not done pondering, but I wanted to reply to you. Thanks again for leaving your thoughts on this. :-)
Re. Temporal Embrace
Anonymous
15th Sep 2020 2:21pm
It's clear to me that you have a gift with poetry and expression. You've woven them to perfection here. Beautifully written, wholly felt.
~Willow
~Willow

0

Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 2:53am
Thank you so much! And thank you for the reading list add and nomination for Poem of the Month. I'm surprised and quite flattered. I'm a little sentimental with this poem, and to have such lovely responses to it means more than I can say.
Re. Temporal Embrace
16th Sep 2020 6:13pm
Hey PS.......thrilled you’ve shared this masterpiece with us........beautiful lines thru out........enjoyed........purple luv & hugs xo :)
0

Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 2:55am
Your comments are always so nice to read. Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this one. :-)
Re. Temporal Embrace
16th Sep 2020 11:57pm
Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 3:04am
That's a hell of a compliment. Thank you for coming by to read, adding this to your reading list, and pretty much making my night.
Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 3:09am
Way to offer up a gut punch! You have such a fantastic way with words and I feel privileged to get to read them.
0

Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 6:49am
Wow, well thank you! I am behind on commenting lately, but you've been landing some damn good punches yourself, so the feeling is mutual. :-)
Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 3:59am
Re: Re. Temporal Embrace
17th Sep 2020 7:01am