deepundergroundpoetry.com
Still Together
Sun’s morning rays sneak between
narrow seams of tightly shut blinds
illuminating scene so serene
perfumed by incense sublime
Save room fan's oscillation
no, perceptible, sound
disrupts their meditation
entwined lovers lay bound
Strong hands caress sweat glistened skin
tongues dance tween hungry lips pressed
moist pink petals guide stiff serpent in
where happily detained he rests
As if suspended in coital stasis
their naked bodies more tightly fuse
until his seed with her nectar mixes
then separates the poet from muse
narrow seams of tightly shut blinds
illuminating scene so serene
perfumed by incense sublime
Save room fan's oscillation
no, perceptible, sound
disrupts their meditation
entwined lovers lay bound
Strong hands caress sweat glistened skin
tongues dance tween hungry lips pressed
moist pink petals guide stiff serpent in
where happily detained he rests
As if suspended in coital stasis
their naked bodies more tightly fuse
until his seed with her nectar mixes
then separates the poet from muse
Published 10th Sep 2020
Author's Note
Frisky morning so good to me...
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 10
reads 616
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
10th Sep 2020 2:53am
What a relaxing scene.... very enjoyable!
Ok since you've asked for critique: the word 'labia' kind of interrupted the loveliness for me, because even though it's a correct term, it feels clinical (to me). You move on from there to a nice figurative serpent, perhaps she could have something equally nature-y to match... I dunno, maybe leaves, or...??
Sounds like a great way to start the day, though! 😍
Ok since you've asked for critique: the word 'labia' kind of interrupted the loveliness for me, because even though it's a correct term, it feels clinical (to me). You move on from there to a nice figurative serpent, perhaps she could have something equally nature-y to match... I dunno, maybe leaves, or...??
Sounds like a great way to start the day, though! 😍
10th Sep 2020 3:44am
How about petals. I'll change it, thank for the women's perspective. And thank you for reading and commenting. Morning's are my most romantic times it seems.
10th Sep 2020 12:28pm
10th Sep 2020 4:44pm
Awesome, thank you for steering me in the right serpentine direction.😉
10th Sep 2020 3:44am
You draw a picture here so well! I enjoyed getting a chance to peak through the blinds into this private space! “Where happily detained, he rests” is a wonderfully written phrase. I have an image of two lovers, so familiar with one another...the remain still together...and they are still together as a couple. Nicely done.
10th Sep 2020 3:49am
Thank you so much RPM. You describe precisely the feeling I intended to convey. Thank you for the kind comment, sir.
10th Sep 2020 3:53am
Beautifully proportional in rhythm, rhyme, detail. A truly elegant and inspired offering to my eyes, my friend.
10th Sep 2020 6:46am
Thank you very much, Daniel. I haven't posted in awhile it was good to do so again. I appreciate very much your words of encouragement.
Anonymous
12th Sep 2020 1:00am
Hey GW.......very sexy ink.......luv the visual as I read.......sweet sensual ink......enjoyed........purple luv & hugs xo :)
12th Sep 2020 2:07am
