"S______"

A shock of hot around my form,
air pockets rising up around to the surface,
vibrating of music from the tv,
fingers floating--feeling the plastic of the tub.

Hands shaking touching the rim,
holding my body down from safety,
rivers following down red paths,
the salt of the sea down my ribs as I suck in.

Didn't even try keeping my sanity,
water dipping for a swim in my ending chest,
fear spreads on my face I can feel it,
keeping everything down for a little longer dear.

Listening to the step of the feet down the hall,
closer to the door then I ever thought I wanted,
jiggle, jiggle, jiggle. "Why is the door locked? Open it!",
while in surgery of the isolating lungs I choked.

"What are you doing in there?!",
ending the life you so gave to me so please leave,
blue strands crowd my face as I suck in and in,
"Are you hurting yourself?! Open the door!".

With an unknown power I rise spitting water,
breathing breathlessly opening the door,
explaining I was listening to music gesturing to my iPod,
her face is strewn with worry and sweat.

Shut the door again and look down at the water pooling,
wondering which parts of the water are tears or saliva,
looking up at the door as a smile forms backing up,
mother my love have no worry.

As long as you are here I won't kill myself,

as long as you are here I won't hurt myself,

as long as you are here I'll be safe,

but know I'll wait forever for you to look away.