deepundergroundpoetry.com
:being soft & innocent in a tough world ~ myths & struggles:
*Based solely on my own personal experience.
=(ᴜ ω ᴜ ☆)=
I'm a sensitive softie, and at times, I absolutely hate myself. Especially when I've gotten many, many assumptions about me and about how I should change.
If you relate to this, then welcome :3 And if you don't, maybe you'll learn more about some of the sensitive people out there.
I'll try to organize my thoughts with sections, it'll be a bit of a slow burn, but bear with me.
~Mah life~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
Here is a 10 point breakdown of my personality just so you can see if you wanna read more about my "softie" life:
☂ Arguments make me cry
☂ Movies (includes happy endings) can make me cry
☂ I hate concrete rules and love spontaneity
☂ I hate conflict and take things personally
☂ I get scared (of anything) easily
☂ I converse w/ stuffed toys often (uwu)
☂ I have a "cuddly teddy bear" personality (not my words)
☂ I'm socially anxious, an HSP and a perfectionist
☂ It's so hard to speak up for myself (people pleaser)
☂ I have a babyface and, I'm a 4'11 twenty year-old
~What people have said about me~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
// 1. "You're overreacting."
From when I was born to now, I have cried over everything. Of course, with a little bit of wisdom, this crying has subdued. Though I've had many people just get fed up with the fact that I'm too sensitive to emotions.
In essence, people who have told me the quoted comment above think that:
Strength = No Emotion.
But it has taken me a long time to realize that these "tough" people in fact, are suppressing emotions, and if they never get around with dealing with them, it will backstab them in the long-term.
My advice: Cry when you need to cry, scream when you need to scream and laugh loudly when you need to---don't be ashamed of feeling emotions strongly whether you're male, female or any other gender identity.
Real strength comes when you know yourself and don't give a shit about others' opinions, regardless of how sensitive to emotions you are.
But of course, you should know how to comprehend your emotions when they become too much for you.
// 2. "Aww, you're just...absolutely adorable." *rubs my hair*
Personally, this comment has made me feel a little bit ashamed in the past. I've heard people say this when I make a clumsy mistake, when I pose for photos, when I'm excited, when I ask a question about something I don't know and whenever I speak etc. etc.
Like, it's not anything bad but, I just can't help but wonder: what do all of the actions above have to do with being "adorable"? Why does not knowing something make me adorable? Why does being excited make me adorable? I'm not quite sure, but it probably has to do with my mousy voice.
Anyways, being called adorable is far from being called a "mature" and "cool" adult. It had annoyed me a little for the longest time, like sand you can't get out of your shoes.
// 3. "You could never do anything wrong, little one."
I hate when people say that they think I can't do anything wrong or can’t hurt anyone, even if I tried. It just holds me up to a standard that is unattainable.
Of course, I have done things wrong and I have hurt people too. It's just, like many others, I don't always talk about it. And when I don't talk about it, I look innocent and placid.
Yeah, I know I can look like my head is in an aloof, utopian world, with my stuffed toys and all that, but I know I really live in an imperfect existence.
So like everyone in this imperfect world, I have my uglier sides, even if my natural temperament is cute and fluffy.
// 4. "Yes, must protect this smol, innocent child."
So, the first thing my friends automatically still assume about me is that I don't know "the R-rated" parts of the world and that they should protect me from that.
Like, my friends tend to share anime memes from some obscure sub-reddit and assume that if they showed it to me, that they would "ruin my eyes" or something like that.
Well, if I must admit, I've seen enough of my share of lewd sexual content on the internet, (because...it happens). So I'm not as naive and innocent as you think. Therefore, please don't try to protect me. I don't need it.
// 5. "You're just not cut out for this world."
Look, I know that feeling strong waves of emotions, zoning out a lot when doing tasks, daydreaming about faraway possibilities and improvising a daily routine seems like someone who is a complete mess, and should get their shit together.
I do admit that a bit more organization would be beneficial for my life, and yes, I'm trying to improve. I'm even meditating more often just to keep the emotional waves at bay.
However, I don't like the fact that people invalidate me as a person completely and say that I am "not cut out" for handling life's struggles when they barely even know me.
Like, these people think that they should rewire me or fix me into some mindset of what they think is the "productive, mature adult" when they don't even know the shit I've been through.
So here's what I would like to say to those people:
(Partly) because I thought I was an emotional burden or "mistake" on my family and friends, almost a year ago, I tried to kill myself.
I got too self-absorbed in my own "flawed" personality and lost sight of the reality around me.
But, guess who's still living today?
Thus, as "sensitive" as I am, I know that I am not weak, if I am still here and still breathing.
~Conclusion~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
Whoever you are, thank you for reading to the end of this entry, I really, really appreciate it. *chef's kiss to you~* >3<
I would like to say that being sensitive and soft not only in temperament but in appearance is a unique combination that has its own pros and cons as an adult.
There definitely is a high degree of people who underestimate my capabilities just because I look and act this way.
I also want to put it out there that I'm not a weeb, a koreaboo or an asiaboo of any sort (I am asian lol.) Looking "adorable" and acting "adorable" isn't a show that I put on for anyone, I actually have grown up to be this way.
In fact, I admit I've had a very awkward, sheltered, only-child life--which has made stuffed toys my besties--and, I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), so this can very much lead me to acting "adorable", "whimsical" and "imaginative".
(Also, if you have been wondering, my MBTI is an INFP, though I'm not saying that all INFPs nor all HSPs act like me)
But no, it is not for show. I really am this way, and this sensitive softie part is a crucial aspect of my identity that I am learning to love.
=(☆ ᴜ ω ᴜ)=
Anyways, I hope you have gained some perspective from this article. If not, then I hope you at least found it interesting.
Buyeeeee~
=(ᴜ ω ᴜ ☆)=
I'm a sensitive softie, and at times, I absolutely hate myself. Especially when I've gotten many, many assumptions about me and about how I should change.
If you relate to this, then welcome :3 And if you don't, maybe you'll learn more about some of the sensitive people out there.
I'll try to organize my thoughts with sections, it'll be a bit of a slow burn, but bear with me.
~Mah life~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
Here is a 10 point breakdown of my personality just so you can see if you wanna read more about my "softie" life:
☂ Arguments make me cry
☂ Movies (includes happy endings) can make me cry
☂ I hate concrete rules and love spontaneity
☂ I hate conflict and take things personally
☂ I get scared (of anything) easily
☂ I converse w/ stuffed toys often (uwu)
☂ I have a "cuddly teddy bear" personality (not my words)
☂ I'm socially anxious, an HSP and a perfectionist
☂ It's so hard to speak up for myself (people pleaser)
☂ I have a babyface and, I'm a 4'11 twenty year-old
~What people have said about me~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
// 1. "You're overreacting."
From when I was born to now, I have cried over everything. Of course, with a little bit of wisdom, this crying has subdued. Though I've had many people just get fed up with the fact that I'm too sensitive to emotions.
In essence, people who have told me the quoted comment above think that:
Strength = No Emotion.
But it has taken me a long time to realize that these "tough" people in fact, are suppressing emotions, and if they never get around with dealing with them, it will backstab them in the long-term.
My advice: Cry when you need to cry, scream when you need to scream and laugh loudly when you need to---don't be ashamed of feeling emotions strongly whether you're male, female or any other gender identity.
Real strength comes when you know yourself and don't give a shit about others' opinions, regardless of how sensitive to emotions you are.
But of course, you should know how to comprehend your emotions when they become too much for you.
// 2. "Aww, you're just...absolutely adorable." *rubs my hair*
Personally, this comment has made me feel a little bit ashamed in the past. I've heard people say this when I make a clumsy mistake, when I pose for photos, when I'm excited, when I ask a question about something I don't know and whenever I speak etc. etc.
Like, it's not anything bad but, I just can't help but wonder: what do all of the actions above have to do with being "adorable"? Why does not knowing something make me adorable? Why does being excited make me adorable? I'm not quite sure, but it probably has to do with my mousy voice.
Anyways, being called adorable is far from being called a "mature" and "cool" adult. It had annoyed me a little for the longest time, like sand you can't get out of your shoes.
// 3. "You could never do anything wrong, little one."
I hate when people say that they think I can't do anything wrong or can’t hurt anyone, even if I tried. It just holds me up to a standard that is unattainable.
Of course, I have done things wrong and I have hurt people too. It's just, like many others, I don't always talk about it. And when I don't talk about it, I look innocent and placid.
Yeah, I know I can look like my head is in an aloof, utopian world, with my stuffed toys and all that, but I know I really live in an imperfect existence.
So like everyone in this imperfect world, I have my uglier sides, even if my natural temperament is cute and fluffy.
// 4. "Yes, must protect this smol, innocent child."
So, the first thing my friends automatically still assume about me is that I don't know "the R-rated" parts of the world and that they should protect me from that.
Like, my friends tend to share anime memes from some obscure sub-reddit and assume that if they showed it to me, that they would "ruin my eyes" or something like that.
Well, if I must admit, I've seen enough of my share of lewd sexual content on the internet, (because...it happens). So I'm not as naive and innocent as you think. Therefore, please don't try to protect me. I don't need it.
// 5. "You're just not cut out for this world."
Look, I know that feeling strong waves of emotions, zoning out a lot when doing tasks, daydreaming about faraway possibilities and improvising a daily routine seems like someone who is a complete mess, and should get their shit together.
I do admit that a bit more organization would be beneficial for my life, and yes, I'm trying to improve. I'm even meditating more often just to keep the emotional waves at bay.
However, I don't like the fact that people invalidate me as a person completely and say that I am "not cut out" for handling life's struggles when they barely even know me.
Like, these people think that they should rewire me or fix me into some mindset of what they think is the "productive, mature adult" when they don't even know the shit I've been through.
So here's what I would like to say to those people:
(Partly) because I thought I was an emotional burden or "mistake" on my family and friends, almost a year ago, I tried to kill myself.
I got too self-absorbed in my own "flawed" personality and lost sight of the reality around me.
But, guess who's still living today?
Thus, as "sensitive" as I am, I know that I am not weak, if I am still here and still breathing.
~Conclusion~.⋆｡⋆☂˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆.
Whoever you are, thank you for reading to the end of this entry, I really, really appreciate it. *chef's kiss to you~* >3<
I would like to say that being sensitive and soft not only in temperament but in appearance is a unique combination that has its own pros and cons as an adult.
There definitely is a high degree of people who underestimate my capabilities just because I look and act this way.
I also want to put it out there that I'm not a weeb, a koreaboo or an asiaboo of any sort (I am asian lol.) Looking "adorable" and acting "adorable" isn't a show that I put on for anyone, I actually have grown up to be this way.
In fact, I admit I've had a very awkward, sheltered, only-child life--which has made stuffed toys my besties--and, I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), so this can very much lead me to acting "adorable", "whimsical" and "imaginative".
(Also, if you have been wondering, my MBTI is an INFP, though I'm not saying that all INFPs nor all HSPs act like me)
But no, it is not for show. I really am this way, and this sensitive softie part is a crucial aspect of my identity that I am learning to love.
=(☆ ᴜ ω ᴜ)=
Anyways, I hope you have gained some perspective from this article. If not, then I hope you at least found it interesting.
Buyeeeee~
Published 7th Aug 2020
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7th Aug 2020 3:53am
Beautifully written from beginning to end!
I'm glad you're still here to make all these realizations you so eloquently wrote about. Hopefully gaining strength and courage along the way.
I think I have more in common, personality wise with the you (as I suspect a lot of other people would too) than I would have guessed!
Ty for sharing your brave piece
sending positive wishes your way...
💜💜
🌠🌠🌠
I'm glad you're still here to make all these realizations you so eloquently wrote about. Hopefully gaining strength and courage along the way.
I think I have more in common, personality wise with the you (as I suspect a lot of other people would too) than I would have guessed!
Ty for sharing your brave piece
sending positive wishes your way...
💜💜
🌠🌠🌠
7th Aug 2020 3:41pm
Thank you so much for your kind words. And I’m grateful you enjoyed the article :3
