Woman...?

When I was little,
just a small girl,
when my family and I would be waiting in the
airport,
I would people watch.
I'd see them all drifting by,
some rushing to catch a flight,
others plugged in,
faces illuminated by the chill
light of cellphones.
I was fascinated by the women that I saw,
aghast at the sway of full hips, and the
round of breasts.
I looked ay my immature body,
and wondered how my bony
chest could ever
be soft and
rounded,
how my narrow
sharp hips could be smooth and
curved.
I watched how the woman moved,
quietly taking
mental notes,
deciding what I wanted to be like
when I got older.
I wanted to be sweet,
to have a charming smile.
I hoped my hips would be elegantly curved,
and my breasts high placed,
maybe a little smaller...but
ladylike.
I wanted to be soft,
to be able to one day hold a child against my
body and have it be comforted by the
softness of my skin,
and of my flesh.
I wanted to be cool and calm,
strong willed and
confident.
To be able to walk with a sleek sway
in my hips and
the strong placement of my feet.
to walk on with my head proud,
eyes bright.
When I was small,
just a little girl,
I Imagined what it would be to
grow into a
woman...
never once quite understanding what it meant...
and now that
my hips are soft and fleshy,
and my breasts are grown,
and round....
now that I am learning to walk with my head high...
I still don't.
I still can't imagine
What it is
to be a woman.

I guess I never thought
it took more than a nubile
body
to achieve the grace of womanhood.
Never knew the strength and willpower it took
to place my steps in the right place
to make my eyes bright and
strong,
to smile with soft joy...

Womanhood...an elusive thing
thrust upon us
ample warning granted, yes,
but still thrown suddenly.

So I end this small ramble,
with a single
question for all of you...

What is it, exactly,
to be a woman?