Thoughts of an Addict

Addiction put my life on restrictions, lost all my ambition.  
Trying to stay above suspicion. My mind is out of commission.  
I put myself in this position. Thought I was a magician,
Could take pills and not become addicted…
I always felt neglected, the drugs made me feel protected,  
really they just left me rejected. Maybe I’m infected…
Now I’m disconnected, disrespected, my life needs to be redirected,  
but until I’m selected...
I’ll keep popping pills, waiting for my refills until my heart stands still.
Watching as my life goes downhill…
With nobody to give me a helping hand, I’ll bury my head in the sand.
Wishing I was dead but have too many words left unsaid.
Everyone will say she was misled.
But I was coming undone at twenty-one…Days just feel like reruns.
This is bound to cause some eyebrows to raise, but I’m stuck in my ways.
tired of being in a haze. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen better days.
At the most they’ll say she was always comatose, died of an overdose.
Fake friends at my wake talk about how we were close…
Drop a rose, raise your glass, have a toast to my ghost.
Laugh about the time we cut class and your car ran outta gas.
Tell everyone I was your better half.  
I’m so happy to see you all here on my behalf.
Not to get sappy, but you know what’s crappy?
Where were you all when I was unhappy?  
You say you were unaware, say a prayer.
When I was in despair you all were elsewhere. That shit aint fair.
Who are you to show up and declare you care, talking about
“it’s a jungle out there, she wasn’t all there, she’s building castles in the air”
Don’t you dare! I looked for you everywhere. Take a chair.
This aint your cross to bear…
I swear, I wanted to share, make attempts to repair all the wear and tear caused by a life lived in solitaire.