Why so gentle

Dear K,

Oh boy, I know this dance well. Bending and twisting yourself to fit the image of someone other than who you are- I’ve personally never seen work out in the end.

Being with someone who will love you even when you don’t- that’s a relationship keeper.

So much more simple to say than do when emotions are involved. It’s a pickle for sure. And one that is so relatable when you’ve survived it. I admire your write for its honesty, hopefulness and inward thinking. You’re worth someone’s love who loves you for you and not a mental image of what someone else thinks they want. H🌷

I have been down this road before also and for some reason I always seem to end up back here. With the quarantine lifted I have had to spend more time at work, been spending some time on here, and doing things for my mom. We were spending a lot more time when I was working from home but now I get the controlling thing which I think is a lot about concern that I do or will like someone else but I try my best to give no reason for those thoughts. I have been under a lot of stress and more volatile so sometimes I don't handle the questions and pushing well and it makes things worse.

Bravissina BD❣❣ you speak so profoundly in this piece. I will ponder quite a while on these passages:
"Maybe I should just leave
It's not that simple because I need you"

"And if I change to fit your perfect image and do only
the things you want me to, will it still be me"

"Twist and turn me and make me whatever you want
But first tell me, what's wrong with me?"

Thanks GW, You have picked some of the most important lines to ponder. Thank you very much for the comment. ❤️

Still pondering.

I can identify with so much of this. Reading certain parts make me want to go cry, I'm trying not to because I'm in company.

Oh no I'm getting all weepy and mus-y. I gotta do do things before I further wallow in my existential shit sack for a while.

Oh no, I definitely don't want to make you cry. And not spelling out mushy is something I would do. lol No wallowing, get back to your company, unless they are bad company and then use me as excuse to get the hell out of there.

You no make me want to cry. The person whom your words makes me think of, does though. I wonder the same questions that I'll never have the answers to.  

It's OK, my daughter was on her phone first lol 😂  ( btw, she's over 18, so she kind of does her own thing a lot of the time )

This is a deep piece.  The fight for one’s freedom and individuality versus imposed expectations. Not being yourself but putting up a façade to their liking. My 1st impression was a conflict between you and a significant other, but upon reading again it could just as easily be a family member (mom, dad, sibling, etc).

A poignant verse, “I'm waiting to meet the old you, you'll laugh sweetly. You will be happy with me and I will not be alone with a memory of love where everyone loses.”.  Like you were thinking back to when you were a kid before their expected behavior and achievement were thrust upon you.

Another excellent phrase, “Twist and turn me and make me whatever you want. But first tell me, what's wrong with me?”

I do think you are talking about a lover, but like many of your works, there can be a few interpretations.  Ah, the poor lass that tries to mold, and sculpt the resilient elastic Ms X into a form of their choosing. Only to find out the physics of Ms X revert her back to her original form!  : )

As always you are amazingly perceptive and as usual it has multiple meanings and does apply to different people in different ways. But it is definitely about that fight for freedom. One thing I have dealt with consistently in relationships is jealousy, possessiveness, and control. So that's a subject I know well on many levels. Feeling like you are wearing an ankle monitor and put in solitary confinement sometimes.

Yes, either very early childhood or the beginning of relationship when someone is in the honeymoon period and has not yet gotten to the point of being so jealous and controlling. Trying to make yourself into what everyone else wants and expects while just wanting to be yourself.

Oh yes! I am glad you brought me back to this one. That's definitely very meaningful. When people want you so badly and yet want to change you too. It can be confusing, asking what's wrong with me?

I must admit I am a 'pleaser' but I am also who I am and I can't change that at the core. So I suppose ultimately you take it or leave it, for better or worse. I find that people can be drawn to me but it always seems like that comes with so many expectations and demands. And the jealousy and stuff like that grows over time. And I think that can kill a relationship faster than anything probably. I learned a lot of lessons along the way although I do keep repeating some mistakes too.

Thanks so much for coming back to this one and your incredible comment. I actually liked reading it again. It's been a long time. :)

Keeping on being you, KX.