deepundergroundpoetry.com
Psychological Warfare
Lies and secrecy
delusion and fables
Self fabrications to
hide your own shame
Denying your true nature
Twisting words
Spinning stories
Rewriting history
Misrepresentation of information
Bending, distorting truth
Blatant denial of facts
Wily attempts to shift blame
Evading responsibility
Minimization
Magnification
Generalization
Dramatization
Invalidation
Tools of distraction
Ego protection
Maintaining the mask of deception
Guilting
Shaming
Judging
Degrading
Slandering
Defaming
Endlessly Projecting
Snaky attempts to purge
self loathing buried within
Desperately averting unrelenting
disgustful gazes, reflecting from
shattered mirrors
Toxic jealousy
Venomous envy
Sold as ‘trust issues’
Justification used to control
Permitting constant
Questioning
Surveillance
Intrusion
Violation of privacy
Denial of basic human decencies
Safeguarding chokehold firmly
imprisoning love.
Protecting preservation of coveted secrets
Fragile ego, unable to tolerate rejection
Utmost fear of abandonment
The ultimate narcissistic injury
Deep penetrating insecurities
bubbling up to the surface,
threatening illusions.
Ironically, prohibiting intimacy.
Ultimately chasing love away.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Self sabotage
Ego obliterated
Mask fallen
What is seen cannot be forgotten
Permanent damage
No hope to salvage
Lashing out
Tactics intensify
Desperate need to regain control
Weaving in and out of dichotomous personas
Losing grip with reality
Believing own illusions
Denial offers bailout
Ransoming mask, at truth’s expense
Cycle permeates with ferocity
Only options:
Jump from the moving train,
Hoping to walk away with mendable injuries
Or continue full speed ahead
Braced for cataclysmic impact
With little to no chance of survival
He can’t fathom why
I would ever leave...
While the world questions
why I ever stayed...
Neither party ever comprehending,
I was never given a choice...
I was merely trying to survive.
delusion and fables
Self fabrications to
hide your own shame
Denying your true nature
Twisting words
Spinning stories
Rewriting history
Misrepresentation of information
Bending, distorting truth
Blatant denial of facts
Wily attempts to shift blame
Evading responsibility
Minimization
Magnification
Generalization
Dramatization
Invalidation
Tools of distraction
Ego protection
Maintaining the mask of deception
Guilting
Shaming
Judging
Degrading
Slandering
Defaming
Endlessly Projecting
Snaky attempts to purge
self loathing buried within
Desperately averting unrelenting
disgustful gazes, reflecting from
shattered mirrors
Toxic jealousy
Venomous envy
Sold as ‘trust issues’
Justification used to control
Permitting constant
Questioning
Surveillance
Intrusion
Violation of privacy
Denial of basic human decencies
Safeguarding chokehold firmly
imprisoning love.
Protecting preservation of coveted secrets
Fragile ego, unable to tolerate rejection
Utmost fear of abandonment
The ultimate narcissistic injury
Deep penetrating insecurities
bubbling up to the surface,
threatening illusions.
Ironically, prohibiting intimacy.
Ultimately chasing love away.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Self sabotage
Ego obliterated
Mask fallen
What is seen cannot be forgotten
Permanent damage
No hope to salvage
Lashing out
Tactics intensify
Desperate need to regain control
Weaving in and out of dichotomous personas
Losing grip with reality
Believing own illusions
Denial offers bailout
Ransoming mask, at truth’s expense
Cycle permeates with ferocity
Only options:
Jump from the moving train,
Hoping to walk away with mendable injuries
Or continue full speed ahead
Braced for cataclysmic impact
With little to no chance of survival
He can’t fathom why
I would ever leave...
While the world questions
why I ever stayed...
Neither party ever comprehending,
I was never given a choice...
I was merely trying to survive.
Published 26th May 2020
| Edited 9th Mar 2025
Author's Note
Emotional abuse does more damage than physical abuse. There is nothing compares to this experience... it steals your sanity and your will to live. There were many times I believed taking my own life was the only way out....
I made the image. Titled:Mixed Messages, literally words pulled from text messages.
I made the image. Titled:Mixed Messages, literally words pulled from text messages.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 3
comments 19
reads 848
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th May 2020 10:43pm
27th May 2020 3:35am
Yeah my pieces tend to be heavy reads, thank you for reading and for your care and concern.
BRA.VO Julia! You nailed it here. NEVER apologize for how you chose to survive. I volunteered for a battered women's shelter for over a decade after experiencing my own physical and emotional abuse at the hands of my first boyfriend, and the main reason I opted to go into psychology to become a counselor.
There is nothing worse than people who won't let. the. fuck. go. But instead attempt to force you into a narrative of their choice. They stalk you, shadow your every move; and, NEVER miss an opportunity to twist a knife or force you into a dialogue. And they are always, ALWAYS the victim. That's the part that makes me sickest of all. Other than using their childhood abuse as an excuse.
They're sick fucks in need of serious help. They'll feign suicide, cutting, leaving forEVAH, whatever just to kick up a brouhaha for attention. If at all possible, avoid his ass. I don't care what he does or how he acts, if at all possible, if you do not live together, if you do not have children with him ( and there are options for that even ), if you do not work together, even if he is family, ignore the asshole.
The silver lining, I can spot them and block them a mile away. Once you've been subjected to that pattern ( unless you choose not to learn ) you'll recognize the flags immediately. Some are narcissists, some sociopathic, and others sociopathic narcissists. Then there are the flat out psychopaths. . .
It's a shame the world is so full of them. But this poem, just WOW at the power of observation and ability to convey that power in words.
Well done.
There is nothing worse than people who won't let. the. fuck. go. But instead attempt to force you into a narrative of their choice. They stalk you, shadow your every move; and, NEVER miss an opportunity to twist a knife or force you into a dialogue. And they are always, ALWAYS the victim. That's the part that makes me sickest of all. Other than using their childhood abuse as an excuse.
They're sick fucks in need of serious help. They'll feign suicide, cutting, leaving forEVAH, whatever just to kick up a brouhaha for attention. If at all possible, avoid his ass. I don't care what he does or how he acts, if at all possible, if you do not live together, if you do not have children with him ( and there are options for that even ), if you do not work together, even if he is family, ignore the asshole.
The silver lining, I can spot them and block them a mile away. Once you've been subjected to that pattern ( unless you choose not to learn ) you'll recognize the flags immediately. Some are narcissists, some sociopathic, and others sociopathic narcissists. Then there are the flat out psychopaths. . .
It's a shame the world is so full of them. But this poem, just WOW at the power of observation and ability to convey that power in words.
Well done.
27th May 2020 3:38am
Wow thnak you so much for this comment. I know it’s an intense poem. Not exactly pretty or poetic. It’s intemse and heavy, but I think after reading it, the reader feels emotionally attacked and beaten up, which was the point. To give people insight into what that world feels like. Anyway, thank you so much for appreciating this piece. I imahaimr many people who haven’t lived this wont appreciate it as much. But I needed to speak my truth anyway
27th May 2020 2:50pm
There are enough people who DO/have lived this way to appreciate this, believe me. MORE education and revelation is what we need, not suppression.
27th May 2020 00:09am
Tourette’s is a horrible disease, both for those afflicted and for those dealing with the fallout. It takes a huge toll on us emotionally, and as a society. Yet with sustained effort and perseverance we can develop effective treatments. Ultimately it is up to us to remove the scourge from our planet.
27th May 2020 00:12am
Yeah I can’t even imagine what that experience would be like. Because words hurt no matter what, but it’s different when the person has no control. Goodness, I very sincerely appreciate this insight you have left!
27th May 2020 8:36am
27th May 2020 11:19am
This is an absolute representation of my ex-husband. The stain of emotional abuse fades in time, but it never truly washes out. It took years to begin the process of trusting another person enough to open a hatch in my wall. You’ve done a superb job of describing what life is like to live with an abuser.
27th May 2020 4:12pm
Thnak you! It is hard to put it in words. I am still
Trying to find the right ones. I sinserely appreciate you commenting and sharing your own story with me. You give me hope
Trying to find the right ones. I sinserely appreciate you commenting and sharing your own story with me. You give me hope
27th May 2020 5:00pm
Brava Julia❣❣ This poignant piece, chock full of relatable passages, is also pleasure to read. I love the rapid fire use of words each one fitting perfectly like bricks constructing your intended image. This passage touched me in painful places,
"Desperately averting unrelenting
disgustful gazes, reflecting from
shattered mirrors "
And this stanza is painfully relatable and conjures uncomfortable emotions in me,
"Deep penetrating insecurities
bubbling up to the surface,
threatening illusions.
Ironically, prohibiting intimacy.
Ultimately chasing love away.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Self sabotage "
The image you created is a poem in itself and makes me sad that anyone should use such cruel, frankly juvenile words to hurry you.
The "moving train, metaphor is so vividly illustrative of you thoughts, emotions, feeling during such a confusing and cruel period in your still young life. I am so glad that you are here and sharing your journey with us❣❣🙏
"Desperately averting unrelenting
disgustful gazes, reflecting from
shattered mirrors "
And this stanza is painfully relatable and conjures uncomfortable emotions in me,
"Deep penetrating insecurities
bubbling up to the surface,
threatening illusions.
Ironically, prohibiting intimacy.
Ultimately chasing love away.
Self-fulfilling prophecy
Self sabotage "
The image you created is a poem in itself and makes me sad that anyone should use such cruel, frankly juvenile words to hurry you.
The "moving train, metaphor is so vividly illustrative of you thoughts, emotions, feeling during such a confusing and cruel period in your still young life. I am so glad that you are here and sharing your journey with us❣❣🙏
29th May 2020 1:24am
I do love your writing although sometimes difficult for me to read. I am glad you survived these very difficult and traumatic things and have the strength to carry on and get better.
29th May 2020 6:35pm
It is so important to proceed, first, from a kind and honest intention, which influences thought, which influences speech and action. This is such a succinct and incisive rendering. Never fear your own intuition or expressing the full power of your spirit. 💖🙏
31st May 2020 9:03pm
Just found this website today. Quickly joined. You are my favorite. I love everything about the way you write, especially here. Every word had a purpose, a reason, for being exactly where it was. It was so descriptive, without being boring. I could’ve read five more pages easily.
Going through the worst break-up of my life right now. I am in so much pain, but I’m trying not to let it beat me this time. I’m trying to accept it and own it, hell, embrace it even. My pain needs a hug. My pain needs to know it is safe here with me.
Please keep writing. I’m addicted. ❤️
Going through the worst break-up of my life right now. I am in so much pain, but I’m trying not to let it beat me this time. I’m trying to accept it and own it, hell, embrace it even. My pain needs a hug. My pain needs to know it is safe here with me.
Please keep writing. I’m addicted. ❤️
31st May 2020 9:10pm
Oh girl, I got you. We can mend our hearts together!! I have been in your shoes, I know exactly what you are feeling. I’ve got plenty of poems I think you’ll find describe your feelings as well. And keep watching, I’ve got more coming. It’s pouring out of me. They will definitely give your pain a quick hug!
And your comment is such a huge compliment! I am so honored you appreciate my work that much. You made my day! Thank you!!
I am glad you found this site. Welcome!! I look forward to reading some of your poems too. Let that heart bleed....
And your comment is such a huge compliment! I am so honored you appreciate my work that much. You made my day! Thank you!!
I am glad you found this site. Welcome!! I look forward to reading some of your poems too. Let that heart bleed....
31st May 2020 9:47pm
Oh my goodness, girl! You have me in tears!! HAPPY ONES!! (For a change.) The fact that you replied so quickly, and your message was so sweet and just everything I needed to hear right now, I can’t even.....
THANK YOU.
Gonna message you. 😘
THANK YOU.
Gonna message you. 😘
2nd Jun 2020 8:57pm
This must have been one hell of a weight of your soul. In my own experience, I was the subject of prolonged emotional abuse and mental retardation from my x wife (filthy slut!!!) What angers me the most is my own naivety, how easily manipulated I was and blind to the nature of the lies I accepted as truth.
She even had me visiting a mental health nurse trying to convince me that I was the one at fault, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me! Eventually she showed her true colours and I finally woke up. We split, she blamed me for having the affairs that she was having. I just signed the papers and walked away. Then I took her to court for custody of our boys and I won!!
I got my own back which was great, but it took me over a decade to get my mind and soul back from the damage she'd caused, honestly believing I was worthless and unlovable whilst raising my kids by myself. My current wife is the blessing I needed to help me heal, learn to trust and allow myself to love once again. She's now my longest relationship to date and showing no signs of going sour.
Again, you wen't through far worse than what I did, but pain is pain, abuse is abuse. Its something I'd rather we didn't have in common, but quite often, the darkness can shed far more light than the light ever can by itself.
XXX
She even had me visiting a mental health nurse trying to convince me that I was the one at fault, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me! Eventually she showed her true colours and I finally woke up. We split, she blamed me for having the affairs that she was having. I just signed the papers and walked away. Then I took her to court for custody of our boys and I won!!
I got my own back which was great, but it took me over a decade to get my mind and soul back from the damage she'd caused, honestly believing I was worthless and unlovable whilst raising my kids by myself. My current wife is the blessing I needed to help me heal, learn to trust and allow myself to love once again. She's now my longest relationship to date and showing no signs of going sour.
Again, you wen't through far worse than what I did, but pain is pain, abuse is abuse. Its something I'd rather we didn't have in common, but quite often, the darkness can shed far more light than the light ever can by itself.
XXX
2nd Jun 2020 9:03pm
Oh how we have walked parallel paths.... abuse looks the same and hurts just as bad, no matter how deep or severe.... I know these truths you speak of. It is always something wrong with us, not them. And he must believe I am tjenluong whore even though there is no evidence and he is left spinning irrelevant information and fabricating stories to appease his own guilt... they are exhausting life sucking creatures...
2nd Jun 2020 9:17pm
Your poem reminds me of a song called Leave a Trace by a group called CHVRCHS. Lyrically its along a similar line.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e21aT43PCM
XXX
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0e21aT43PCM
XXX
