Thoughts of a broken soul

I don't feel alive
Hand on the 9 I've been trying to survive
Alone; it gets hard trying to strive when you've been striving alone
All the time in the world, & nobody want it
A memory that's what I'm striving for
If I left today I wouldn't remember me.
Everyone say your special but not a priority and that tends to get to me
But I guess that's not important
so I've been told.
All the visions in my world nobody want to be part of it.
I've been drinking heavily no luck it kills me
Tired of hearing only words
Maybe I don't belong
Maybe I'm blessed with a curse,
I ponder if I matter but that don't matter.