deepundergroundpoetry.com
Twenty Seven
I've just turned
Twenty-Seven
It feels like
I'm dying or
Maybe
I'm already
Dead
A ghost--
Haunting
Memories
Once
Cherished
Stalking
All apologies--
Watching
Life's
Absurd
Moments
Play out
Like a film
Noir of my
Final steps
My
Minds
Piercing
Thoughts
Repeat
Death's
Elusive
Timing
O.C.D.
Splattered
Across
Perfectly
Burnt
Deliberately
Damaged
Canvases
Words
Despair
Words
Decay
Loss
Birthed
By
Life's
Scripted
Yet
Senseless
Pain
I'm the
Young Poet
I'm the
Young junkie
We
Wonder
Whether
Secrets
Tortured
Souls
Tell
Breed
Impact or
Fade to
Black
Deep
In my
Stained
Splintered
Soul
Hope for
Truth
Love and
Home
Hide
From my
Bad Sides
Yet
My
Shadow
Always
Remains
Twenty-Seven
It feels like
I'm dying or
Maybe
I'm already
Dead
A ghost--
Haunting
Memories
Once
Cherished
Stalking
All apologies--
Watching
Life's
Absurd
Moments
Play out
Like a film
Noir of my
Final steps
My
Minds
Piercing
Thoughts
Repeat
Death's
Elusive
Timing
O.C.D.
Splattered
Across
Perfectly
Burnt
Deliberately
Damaged
Canvases
Words
Despair
Words
Decay
Loss
Birthed
By
Life's
Scripted
Yet
Senseless
Pain
I'm the
Young Poet
I'm the
Young junkie
We
Wonder
Whether
Secrets
Tortured
Souls
Tell
Breed
Impact or
Fade to
Black
Deep
In my
Stained
Splintered
Soul
Hope for
Truth
Love and
Home
Hide
From my
Bad Sides
Yet
My
Shadow
Always
Remains
Published 11th Apr 2020
| Edited 9th Jun 2020
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 22
reading list entries 5
comments 34
reads 802
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
12th Apr 2020 1:21am
Keep that fire burning, there is hope and there is love out there and know that you are not alone and nothing is scripted, all is possible.
You write with a passion, not many dare do that. Baring one's soul is the essence of a poet.
I like these lines particularly
"If the secrets a
Tortured man tells
Make an impact."
They do, keep writing
You write with a passion, not many dare do that. Baring one's soul is the essence of a poet.
I like these lines particularly
"If the secrets a
Tortured man tells
Make an impact."
They do, keep writing
12th Apr 2020 3:54am
Thank you that was a great comment. I appreciate you taking the time. I've actually edited it alot not lol i look forward to reading more of your work.
Can really relate to your words and admire the picture you paint about yourself.
Incredible poem
Incredible poem
12th Apr 2020 4:34am
Thank you. That is very nice of you to say. I'm always excited when someone digs my work!
12th Apr 2020 4:40am
12th Apr 2020 4:05pm
Thank you for that beautiful, heartfelt confessional. I relate to you more than you probably can imagine... I really appreciate you posting this. I have had very similar thoughts, just thought them in a different way.
best wishes, and it's good to see you writing again. I'd love to see more of your works
best wishes, and it's good to see you writing again. I'd love to see more of your works
12th Apr 2020 4:08pm
You are the best. Thank you.
I was unsure of this one because it is not my normal style.
Thanks for the reassuring words.
I was unsure of this one because it is not my normal style.
Thanks for the reassuring words.
12th Apr 2020 4:15pm
William,
If you peruse my profile, you will see that although I have a typical "style", I experiment around and try different things. Some poems are spilled directly to the page, and some I spend days tweaking to perfection. Some are more structured, others are more emotional. It's all about how I'm feeling at the time.
It's good to be aware that you have a style, and to try to grow beyond your comfort zone... I applaud you for trying something different. If we didn't try new stuff every now and then, we would never grow as people.
Anyway, keep up the writing :)
If you peruse my profile, you will see that although I have a typical "style", I experiment around and try different things. Some poems are spilled directly to the page, and some I spend days tweaking to perfection. Some are more structured, others are more emotional. It's all about how I'm feeling at the time.
It's good to be aware that you have a style, and to try to grow beyond your comfort zone... I applaud you for trying something different. If we didn't try new stuff every now and then, we would never grow as people.
Anyway, keep up the writing :)
13th Apr 2020 4:57am
I really like the flow and rawness of this spill. It is a self-portrait that is at once beautiful and tragic, as I suppose they all are, truly....
If there were one thing I might consider, it would be to think about ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ to close out at the end. (I tend to think every ‘but’ can be an ‘and’, though, so it might just be me :).
Welcome back to writing-you have much left to share.
Xo, friend, R.
If there were one thing I might consider, it would be to think about ‘and’ instead of ‘but’ to close out at the end. (I tend to think every ‘but’ can be an ‘and’, though, so it might just be me :).
Welcome back to writing-you have much left to share.
Xo, friend, R.
17th Apr 2020 00:54am
Thank you and I really appreciate your time and attention. I wasn't sure about this one. I didn't really know if I could write anymore.
14th May 2021 5:11pm
I like the fast pace created by the single-word lines, though this would be emphasised by not capitalising the first letter of each line. When lines are this short, capitalisation just gets in the way, I find.
14th May 2021 5:34pm
I agree. I actually experimented with all lower case and no punctuation in my most recent poem and liked it much more. In Twenty Seven I wanted every word to be so important but I learned a lesson. Thank you for the read and criticism. Smart readers like yourself are always welcomed!
14th May 2021 11:29pm
Wow ... nicely poeted ... great confessionalism ... Sexton and Plath would be proud ... I love the crisp lines ... the great line breaks ... sustains the cadence of the poem ... its flow ... bold yet vulnerable ... perfectly executed ...
14th May 2021 11:50pm
Wow, I don't feel like I deserve such nice compliments but thank you so much regardless. I really do put everything I have into my work so it's nice to see that other talented poets enjoy my work. Plus you really nailed it as far as why I wrote this one the way I did so I feel you understand my work and that is an amazing thing to have. Please, if you get the chance read my poem Untitled on this account. I think you would really enjoy it. I have another account under gonzo69 with 35 of my earlier poems that would give a great context for my current work if you ever have the time. I'm 28 now but that page has all my work from 18 to 26 and has some real gems in it. Thank you so much again. You have really made my day 😊
15th May 2021 3:01am
I can really relate to this. Especially the part about wondering whether the secrets tortured souls tell have an impact or fade to black. I try to be honest in my writings and have often wondered if it makes any difference.
15th May 2021 3:08am
I distinctly remember reading your work for the first time and hoping we'd get in touch. I feel the same connection when I read your work. Thank you again for your time and thought. They both mean alot to me. I see you as a poet cut from the same cloth. I was really hoping you'd give me a shot!
15th May 2021 2:26pm
Brings back strong memories of my youth and the dark alleyways I traveled. You wrote it with gritty passion and raw depth. You will find a way out of the labyrinth. I know how the pain of youth makes you feel lost. But better days are ahead. You wrote your angst to perfection.
John
John
20th May 2021 3:39am
You see what I want a reader to see. It's comforting to read your comments. Thank you again. Comments like this are much appreciated.
Anonymous
- Edited 10th Jun 2024 11:45am
25th May 2021 2:33pm
<< post removed >>
25th May 2021 2:35pm
Thank you for taking the time to check it out and thank you for the compliment 😊
Anonymous
- Edited 10th Jun 2024 11:45am
25th May 2021 2:38pm
<< post removed >>
14th Aug 2021 7:17pm
Wow! A powerful write... Very effective in its deliverance! The honesty is very much palpable....its straight from your heart.... Great flow as well.... Bravo 👏👏👏
14th Aug 2021 7:28pm
Thank you for taking the time to read it. I really appreciate your comments. I have a lot of respect for you as a poet so your words are much appreciated. Hope to be going back and forth with you more in the future. Thanks again. ❤️
Anonymous
- Edited 18th Nov 2021 8:45pm
15th Sep 2021 6:30am
<< post removed >>
When I first started writing, I wrote a poem a day for 3 years then things started to slow down. After I got out of college and started working things slowed to a stop and for the next 3 years I wasn't able to complete a single poem. Then, I wrote the poem 27 one day and it really was like a rebirth because after that I started writing again. Poetry is always been my life so not being able to do it hurt me deeply and when I began writing again I felt a Joy inside me that I had lost and I was so happy to get it back. I'm really enjoying responding to your comments so thank you so much for reading a couple poems and asking some questions. There is nothing more pleasant for a poet than getting to explain his own work to somebody who is enjoying it.
15th Sep 2021 2:18pm
I love this one.
This part- "
We
Wonder
Whether
Secrets
Tortured
Souls
Tell
Breed
Impact or
Fade to
Black"
Phenomenal!
This part- "
We
Wonder
Whether
Secrets
Tortured
Souls
Tell
Breed
Impact or
Fade to
Black"
Phenomenal!
15th Sep 2021 6:32pm
Thank you. Im really glad you're digging my words.
I was really hoping to have a poetic correspondence with ya
Oh I like that part a lot too. It had to be good because of its location
I that one stanza threatening ten hours of work lol
I was really hoping to have a poetic correspondence with ya
Oh I like that part a lot too. It had to be good because of its location
I that one stanza threatening ten hours of work lol
17th Sep 2021 1:07pm
We control the position of our shadows fortunately. This is a beautifully written self reflection piece!
NG 🌹
NG 🌹
15th Oct 2021 1:34am
Very well put comment. I like that. Thank you and I appreciate you taking the time to read me 🙏
Anonymous
20th Sep 2021 5:40am
Short lines, long rhythms--
The short lines work well, here, in part because the meter is careful, deliberate.
Like this opening of 3 syllable / 1 stress, 2 unstressed feet (anapest, I think)
It feels like
I'm dying or
Maybe
I'm already
Dead
It's this technical combination that tends to carry the poems, with some wrought / tweaked / torqued forays into more exotic feet.
I like that effect, on the level of technique, aesthetic.
Or like this run, that verges into some cretic interruptions:
Deep
In my
Stained
Splintered
Soul
Hope for
Truth
Love and
Home
Hide
From my
Bad Sides
LIKED the technical adventurousness!
Enjoyed!
The short lines work well, here, in part because the meter is careful, deliberate.
Like this opening of 3 syllable / 1 stress, 2 unstressed feet (anapest, I think)
It feels like
I'm dying or
Maybe
I'm already
Dead
It's this technical combination that tends to carry the poems, with some wrought / tweaked / torqued forays into more exotic feet.
I like that effect, on the level of technique, aesthetic.
Or like this run, that verges into some cretic interruptions:
Deep
In my
Stained
Splintered
Soul
Hope for
Truth
Love and
Home
Hide
From my
Bad Sides
LIKED the technical adventurousness!
Enjoyed!
15th Oct 2021 1:37am
You really understand what I was going for in this one better than anyone else. It's really cool when someone who appreciates the technical aspects that often go unnoticed. Thank you for really reading and and inspecting the work. Great comment.
15th Oct 2021 2:56pm
You dig deeply into your emotions and then wonderfully articulate them into poetry. It’s a capturing piece!
16th Oct 2021 1:46am
16th Nov 2023 8:50am
