Imbroglio

Being an introvert, this may seem like just blatherskite,
But I must say it, hoping this catharsis may be a step towards feeling right.
Everyone here is stressed, from sources adscititious,
It makes me nervous, anxious,
Tense, and along with remembering when I could act on me being ambitious,
Being brave,
Going out of my way, looking for a way to ride this tidal wave
Of longing emotions instead of being overwhelmed, of finding a place I would have the money and transportation to go
That the most important person in my life would also go,
Searching the webpages of all horror and nerdy cons, across the globe,
My soul full of hope...
But now, I can only search,
Like, a stoic, still, birch...
Stuck in one spot, my emotions barely veiled behind thin bark,
My heart aching with worry, upon which I can't remark.
As soon as this blows over, and all is safe, with a coethes, I'm going to temporarily absquatulate,
Get out of the house, just me and my thoughts, intimate.
I'm going to look at the sky, the earth, the buildings,
The people, the places, the things.
Just stand from a distance,
And look over all that I took for granted, listening to the sounds and the silence,
Thinking my thoughts, about how I've missed him,
How I am very much a homebody, but I need some time away from the other people in this house, their negative energy being grim.
And...him.
Just...him.
He, whom my thoughts always circle back around to,
He whom I admire and feel for, through and through.
These past few days have been rough,
I have had to be tough,
Listening to the steady drone of the negative energy cloud emanating from everyone,
I don't like to leave the house much, but I wish for one regular grocery trip, just one.
I've been going through a journey of self-discovery,
But not known enough finality to really tell anyone anything about this new territory,
Not sure who I am or what they would think,
And just when I think
I've got it figured out,
A new, bad, virus comes out
Of the shadows
To make widows,
To decimate the earth,
Scared for those who to me, have the most worth.
But I have to keep chugging along,
Like a never ending metal locomotive, strong.
Now is not the time to be talking about life changing information about myself,
It's about others, not myself.
At times, I feel down in the dumps, others, tense and irate,
But at any rate,
I will continue to put up the smile covered wall,
Until the earth is over it all.