Phantom Pain I

Nicely worded , poetically phrased , meaning conveyed well...

I do have a *question* , if it is not a bother ;

Everything fits well...

Yet this verse...Why ?

What is the reason for *broken arm* in context with rest of poem ?

Is this the vision from the Phantom , along with *smoke alarm* reference ?

Please forgive my asking...yet I do care to know ;

And , your rhyme scene laid down...well done...

That is a specialty of mine...;)

First, it's actually funny that you should ask that! I was very conflicted about putting that part int! I kept taking it out and then putting it back in.

Broken arm just refers to the fact that I couldn't put how I was feeling into words. I would write something down and then scribble it out over and over again. I had to *stop* for a bit because my arm was hurting from writing too much. More on that later on. I'm a tad bit dramatic.

Smoke alarms are used to warn people. So, the verse "heavy hearts and smoke alarms" just refers to the fact that this infatuation with someone is one-sided. You try to "warn" yourself that this obsession isn't reciprocated, yet you do it anyway, even though you know it'll end with you getting hurt. So, with a "heavy heart" you ignore the "smoke alarms".

This ties into why I used the title Phantom. You're obsessed and drowning yourself in a fantasy. Something that isn't real (kind of like phantom pain).

Now that I think about it, Maybe the best title to use would be Phantom Pain 1 (yes, there will be a 2). The pain can't be there if the relationship isn't real.

And, finally, The broken arm verse sort of interrupts the flow of the poem. Which is exactly why I left it in. It's something that kind of makes you stop and think. Yet what do you do? You keep reading anyway. The following verse describes how this person is warned. so they stop, think, but keep going anyway. Does that make sense?  I'm trying to find the best way to word it. I almost took it out because I was pretty sure there was no way I could get the point across without having to explain it.

Second, thank you  very much. :) I am always open to questions! :)

Great poem. I always want to sernade the right woman.  Keep on writing.  

Thank you!

Thank you for your detailed answer and explanation...;)

I did see that as a possibility...I am glad you took the time
to unfold your thoughts , and feelings...and truthfully , now
that you have explained your intent :

I do love the phrase :

"Heavy hearts  
And smoke alarms"

It speaks to me of "burning love" , yet unfulfilled...

Something none that I know truly wish to suffer...

Best to you...

Glad you are here !

Thank you so much! :)

good pen. look forward to more

Thank you! I appreciate it!

Very dark and very good.

Thank you, kindly.

You are a really good writer... Excellent work here. Dark, but very expressive!

That's very kind of you. Thank you!

Dark but I liked this. I look forward to reading some others. :)