Soul intent

Money, money
future, future
stress, stress, stress
gonna be the death of me
cause they get the best of me
daily something to always send me
spiraling into senseless loops of panic
and prediction..
With each set back
I'm learning
to let go,
with each let down
I demand myself to keep
crawling/dragging/trudging forward,
to not look back in bitter regret
letting old losses and learning lessons
get me upset
it's my soul intent to
transcend worldly worries
and fears bringing me to tears..
why waste the wonder of being
by becoming and proclaiming everything
to be worthless
letting the years
disappear
without detecting the ways in which
you deceive yourself into believing
you're living fully or consciously,
it haunts me to know
I've wasted many moments
mindlessly meandering..
within creations
showcasing a simulated scene
or sensation for example,
designed for cerebral stimulation
but leads to numbness, aimlessness
and shamelessly I return
you'd think I'd learn
but I suppose I'm stubborn as fuck
and still stuck
still barely unbroken
still coping and hoping,
hopping through hobbies and habits
but to let myself degrade would
simply be tragic..
Soul betrayed in moments of
self summoned suffering..