I never realised it was so easy to be a writer

You can avoid all the rejection letters
If you just follow these seven steps:
Avoid too many personal pronouns
And distance yourself a little.
Don’t do it when you’re on fire
Or loaded.
Lower your blood pressure
Breathe easy and check your punctuation
Always keep an ear to what’s trending.

Re-work your work,
Keep checking it over
Until there’s nothing left of you
on the page
And eventually they’ll pat you on the back
And it must feel good.
because you finally made it.

They told you not many do,
But many do.
I’ve read them
And they’ve got nothing to say
Just cleverness and pride
An understanding of how this game works
Hiding life lessons
In metaphors.
Always grinning at something
Until you hear ‘I can do this’
In every line.

Soon, they’ll start dedicating their time
To telling you how to do it
Because you can do it.
And you will eventually.
You don’t need to be hungry
Watching the last of the city lights
Burn out, whilst the street dogs
Bark until morning.

Their days begin with iced lemon-water
And fresh sandwiches on rye bread
for the kids to take to school.
Good schools.
You can have it all too
Just take some advice
From the writers
Who know all about writing,
And one day you can be like them
With nothing to say.