three weeks today

if someone had told me
twenty years ago
that my mom
and I
would find peace
with each other
i most likely would have
laughed at the idea

turns out out of
everyone i knew and loved
she was, became my rock
during the hardest
most difficult
literally going through hell
moments

growing up in her
dark shadow
was really hard
and i did everything
in my power
to escape from it

i learned early on
trying to fix it
or make it better
or confront it
never got me anywhere
so i ran instead

after a while
i chose to forgive
every time i told her i loved her
i was forgiving her
when i listened
to her advice ( which was genuine)
i was forgiving her
when i realized how much
my presence meant to her
i was forgiving her
when she hugged me for 30 seconds
every time we met
because we all need hugs
i was forgiving her
when she shared things
in her life
that made her who
she was
and i listened without judgment
i was forgiving her
when she asked me
things about my childhood
i tried to suppress
she listened, and we cried together
i was forgiving her
all the while i was
forgiving her
and loving her

she was an incredible
beautiful, loving person
and she did everything from her heart
people love us
the only way they know how

I'm truly blessed
that i got to have her
for much too short a time
in the big scheme of things
she left far too soon
it was her time
and none of us knew it
not even her

and there is nothing
i can do
but forgive her
for giving me so much
and doing things in her honor
and living my best life
that is what she would
have wanted




💜
RIP Mom ... I love you